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发表于 2004-2-17 19:24:50 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

每日一评：体会5分benchmark：论证组织 ORGANIZATION
Issue109
"The purpose of many advertisements is to make consumers want to buy a product so that they will 'be like' the person in the ad. This practice is effective because it not only sells products but also helps people feel better about themselves."

The speaker asserts that the many ads which make consumers want to "be like" the person portrayed in the ad are effective not only in selling products but also in helping consumers feel better about themselves. This assertion actually consists of two claims: that this advertising technique is used effectively in selling many products, and that consumers who succumb to this technique actually feel better about themselves as a result. While I agree with the first claim, I strongly disagree with the second one.三句话把前因后果和自己的立场交待的非常清楚，尤其是后两句的分析，很值得借鉴。

Turning first to the statement's threshold claim, do many ads actually use this technique to sell products in the first place? 从这里就可以看出作者对于原题的理解分析很清晰，在开头对于题干第二句进行了高度技术性的表达，而在下一段立刻开始对题干第一句，也就是整个题目的assumption进行分析。Consider ads like the wildly popular Budweiser commercial featuring talking frogs. There's nothing in that ad to emulate; its purpose is merely to call attention to itself. 先举一个反例 Notwithstanding this type of ad, in my observation the majority of ads provide some sort of model that most consumers in the target market would want to emulate, or "be like." 肯定了这一assumption. While some ads actually portray people who are the opposite of what the viewer would want to "be like," these ads invariably convey the explicit message that to avoid being like the person in the ad the consumer must buy the advertised product. 对上一句话进行了具体的深入。 As for whether the many, many ads portraying models are effective in selling products, I am not privy to the sort of statistical information required to answer this question with complete certainty. However, my intuition is that this technique does help sell products; otherwise, advertisers would not use it so persistently. 肯定了题干关于effective的论断，虽然从结果推出原因狡猾的躲开了正面的分析，但在这里还算是可行的。

Turning next to the statement's ultimate claim that these ads are effective because they help people who buy the advertised products feel better about themselves, I find this claim to be specious. 提出主要的部分并要开始进行驳斥。注意用词从threshold变到了ultimate. Consumers lured by the hope of "being like" the person in an ad might experience some initial measure of satisfaction in the form of an ego boost. We have all experienced a certain optimism immediately after acquiring something we've wanted a good feeling that we're one step closer to becoming who we want to be. However, in my experience this sense of optimism is ephemeral, invariably giving way to disappointment that the purchase did not live up to its implicit promise. 提出ephemeral，三句话顺序把自己认为的过程进行了叙述，而彼此之间是相互说明而不是各自独立（第二句话主要支持了第一句，然后用However连接第三句），这样一来虽然整个的论证在后面，这一部分的组织仍然保持严密，不致显得主观臆断。

非常紧凑，立刻开始对上一段的最后一句话进行论述支持：One informative example of this false hope involves the dizzying array of diet aids, skin creams, and fitness machines available today. The people in ads for these products are youthful, fit, and attractive what we all want to "be like." And the ads are effective in selling these products; today's health-and-beauty market feeds a multi-billion dollar industry. But the end result for the consumer is an unhealthy preoccupation with physical appearance and youth, which often leads to low self-esteem, eating disorders, injuries from over-exercise, and so forth. And these problems are sure signs of consumers who feel worse, not better, about themselves as a result of having relied on the false hope that they will "be like" the model in the ad.这一段可以说就是叫做well-chosen example（if not insightful），从一开始就紧扣题干论断中的各个feature：be like，effective ads，end result，再用时间顺序组织好，论证方面就至少是5分的水平了。

Another informative example involves products that pander to our desire for socioeconomic status. Ads for luxury cars and upscale clothing typically portray people with lucrative careers living in exclusive neighborhoods. Yet, I would wager that no person whose life-style actually resembles these portrayals could honestly claim that purchasing certain consumer products contributed one iota to his or her socioeconomic success. The end result for the consumer is envy of others that can afford even more expensive possessions, and ultimately low self-esteem based on feelings of socioeconomic inadequacy.相比之下这一段的例子就不如上一段做的好，从pertinence，organization，以及expression of idea上都要略逊一筹。这一段恐怕在论证上就难以达到5分（如果单独拆开判分的话）

In sum, while ads portraying people we want to "be like" are undoubtedly effective in selling products, they are equally ineffective in helping consumers feel better about themselves. In fact, the result is a sense of false hope, leading ultimately to disappointment and a sense of failure and inadequacy--in other words, feeling worse about ourselves. 结尾重新表述了观点，从开始的oppose经过4个段落的分析最终落脚在具体的论点内容上。

这篇文章总体来说，在论证组织方面是比较值得我们学习的。4个段落的内容安排非常清楚，段内的衔接组织总体水平都很好。尤其是开头段和倒数第三段，是比较值得借鉴的。虽然就insightful analysis和well-focused organization两点来讲，全文的分析并不能够完全深入而个别部分的组织有过草率，难以拿到6分，但是我认为拿到5分基本上是没有问题的。就逻辑分析和相应表述方面，我想我们如果达到这篇文章的水平，那就很不错了。

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