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[优秀习作] Issue5 我的第一篇,请高手多指教!谢谢! [复制链接]

ILwiN_WhuT
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-2-23 15:06:41 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue 5
  A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.

Many people hold the point that the schools in different parts of the nation should determine the academic courses that they offer to their students.The choice of the academic courses ,however,should be decided by the department of the nation ,rather than by schools themselves.The specific reasons are given below.

Firstly,the fact that the nation require the students to study the same national curriculum make a qualified  standard.A qualified standard which represents the basic curriculum each student should study in his or her college life makes  the country to have a high standard level of each academic teaching and studying.Take  England as a example ,the department of education has determined the basic course that each chemistry student should take and  students have the solidory quality of chemistry.The other academic science courses,similarly,should be arranged by nation wide.

Secondly,the right of choice obtained by schools made the students have a strongly difference of the academic quality. Havard University,compared the Yale University,has different curriculum about the Orbit Chemistry which is a crucial subchemistry in university chemistry teaching.This defference about the courses' arrangement  makes the students studying a wide distance in their researching life.And the right of choice should still be hold by the department of nation.

Addmittedly,schools,once,have the right to determine the courses,students would have their own specialized academic charicteristic.The academic charicteristic of each school is crucial to  their own researching department and this make their teaching different from one to another,and so the students obtained different specified academic curriculum.

In summary,we have the conclution that the fact that a nation requires its national curriculum is better than the choice made by schools.Also a few of universities would have their own arrangement just under the condition that their have a rich teaching and researching ability.

My dream,My goal.

写作文一定不要开qq,一定不要开的说:)

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coolwits
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沙发

发表于 2004-2-24 00:33:48 |只看该作者

Issue 5
A nation should require all its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college rather than allow schools in different parts of the nation to determine which academic courses to offer.

Many people hold [the point罗嗦,删掉] that the schools in different parts of the nation should determine the academic courses [that they offer罗嗦,改成offered] to their students.The choice of the academic courses ,however,should be decided by the department of the nation ,rather than by schools themselves.The specific reasons are given below.

Firstly,the fact that the nation require the students to study the same national curriculum make a qualified standard.A qualified standard which represents the basic curriculum each student should study [in his or her college life罗嗦,删掉] makes the country [to省略]have a high standard level of each[both] academic teaching and studying.[好长一句]Take[taking] England as a example ,the department of education has determined [the basic course删掉] that each chemistry student should take [and改成so that]students have the solidory quality of chemistry.The other academic science courses,similarly,should be arranged by nation wide.[为什么呢？你这里就可以说明原因啊。因为坚实的基础是每一门科学必不可少的云云，显得言之有物，不是随便乱讲，又可以多写些字]

Secondly,the right of choice obtained by schools made the students have a [strongly difference of the academic quality 什么意思，不懂]. Havard University,compared the Yale University,has different curriculum about the Orbit Chemistry which is a crucial subchemistry in university chemistry teaching.This defference[difference] about the courses' arrangement makes the students studying a wide distance in their researching life.And the right of choice should still be hold by the department of nation.
[这一段完全不知道你在讲什么。初学阶段，topic sentence尽量简洁明了]

Addmittedly,schools,once,have the right to determine the courses,students would have their own specialized academic charicteristic.[前面说没权,怎么这里又说有权了?自相矛盾]The academic charicteristic of each school is crucial to their own researching department and this make their teaching different from one to another,and so the students obtained different specified academic curriculum.

In summary,we have the conclution that the fact that a nation requires its national curriculum is better than the choice made by schools.Also a few of universities would have their own arrangement just under the condition that their have a rich teaching and researching ability.
[总的来说有待提高,多看看别人的文章.刚开始不要去看ets的5，6分范文，先看看坛子里面
别人写的，比较实际一点。
第一篇能写成这样相当好了，有希望的，+u+u
]

我们从未爱上过任何人，往往都是爱上什么样的人才可爱的观念。

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ILwiN_WhuT
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板凳

发表于 2004-2-24 18:45:58 |只看该作者

非常谢谢coolwits

仔细看了你给我的修改,呵呵，真没想到第一篇会有人跟我改.
很高兴你给我的鼓励.
非常谢谢coolwits,偶会照你说的做的....谢谢啊!

My dream,My goal.

写作文一定不要开qq,一定不要开的说:)

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so猫
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地板

发表于 2004-2-24 19:11:21 |只看该作者

请注意发帖的格式啊帖子标题的issue 和5之间请不要有空格谢谢哈~~~~

True love never runs smooth.

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ILwiN_WhuT
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5楼

发表于 2004-2-25 11:01:59 |只看该作者

好的，谢谢楼上的提醒，我以后一定注意...

My dream,My goal.

写作文一定不要开qq,一定不要开的说:)

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linzhang1011
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6楼

发表于 2004-2-25 11:22:27 |只看该作者

1. 审题要准: 这个topic要分清两个概念:college education and pre-college education
2. 刚开始写,不要刻意用长句,(虽然也许无语法错误,但句子结构并不合适,让人读起来很累)
3.topic sentence一定要明确.
4.让我们一起加油吧
5.^_^
个人的一点意见仅供参考

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