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[i习作temp] issue 13 [复制链接]

jackyz
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2016-3-23 23:29:38 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Whether requiring students take another courses out of their major or not should depend on their major and the ability they own. Students choose art and literature as their major should be diversified, students who learn engineering and or science should be concentrated. While some students have limited ability and talent, they should occupy all of their time on the current courses.
Students who learn arts and literature need inspiration to create great works and make what they design more reasonable. Leaning a variety of other courses is a desirable stimulation to their perception of arts or literature. Take the example of the architect , who is not just draw pictures of buildings, they should learn some basic mechanics , with which they can design the building from the reality, if they completely use their imagination, then it is a big problem to the structural engineers who should keep the security of the building and realize the design of architects. Take example of Sydney Opera House, due to the great imagination of the architects, the engineers take 14 years to solve some relative problems.
Students who are major in finance can not just learn the fundamental economics, with which they can just interpret the phenomenon in quality, however, it cannot to solve the realist problems in the financial market . As we know, the precise statistics can show a straightforward situation of the underlying profits in the stocks, so people who learn financial are required the ability to analyse the data and process them with statistic software like R to comprehend the tendency of the stock, so the trader can use this report to manipulate the stock and decide whether sale or purchase to maximize the profits. Moreover, learning some math and computer science courses can also improve the ability of thinking critically and deeply which is a extremely significant quality in the financial field.
However, choosing extra curriculums is not applicable to each student, because students have different academic levels and the rate of absorbing new knowledge is different. Some students merely can grasp their major courses, for that they nearly have no afterschool activities because they need to spare time reviewing what they learn today and spend much time finishing homework, if they choose another field course, it is inevitable that they will squeeze their sleeping time and force themselves to change their way of thinking to fit a new discipline. Finally ,the possibility of not passing the exam increases and the long term stress and stay up late will harm their health, it is a great deal.
In conclusion, whether choosing the extra courses is dependent on different students. While students have the ability and these course contribute to their career path , it makes sense. On the contrary, it is not worthy.

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tiltbear
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沙发

发表于 2016-3-24 09:43:57 |只看该作者

文章还没看，给楼主提个小小的意见，你可以把题目和要求贴出来，方便别人。第二每段之间空一行，这样阅读起来不那么累。

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tiltbear
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板凳

发表于 2016-3-24 10:23:28 |只看该作者

以第二段举例，“艺术生需要灵感创作并使设计合理，学习多样的其他课程对他们对艺术的理解有很好的启发作用”。例子是设计师没有工程基础，设计可能无法实现的。最后的例子是歌剧院的设计工程实现难度很大。

首先我觉得 great stimulation 使用的不是很恰当，因为你后面的举例并不是说其他其他学科带给本学科的启发和灵感，说的是合理性。我觉得可以改成类似这样，多样的课程可以使他们对其他学科有广泛的理解，使他们的设计得以实现。

而最后一个例子我觉的没有说完，或者说的不够清晰。“因为伟大的想象力，工程师花了14年解决问题”。这里我觉得你是要正向印证观点，所以因为“歌剧院”的设计不光是伟大的，还是工程上难以实现的，比如它漂亮独特的贝壳外形，工程师们历时14年，寻找了12种不同的方法来建造“壳“。

第三段举例提到金融专业，感觉有点突然，以为你要说engineering，因为开头段是说art和engineering的。所以我觉的你把开头那里改一下就更好了。

另外楼主还有些小的语法错误，cannot to solve可能是打错了。

个人想法，可能不对，互相学习。

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jackyz
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地板

发表于 2016-3-24 22:59:06 |只看该作者

tiltbear 发表于 2016-3-24 10:23
以第二段举例，“艺术生需要灵感创作并使设计合理，学习多样的其他课程对他们对艺术的理解有很好的启发作用 ...

那个我举悉尼歌剧院是说当时的建筑师太过理想化了，忘了工程实际，没有意识到这种形式是很难保证安全等问题然后感谢你上面提的意见拉

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kastu
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5楼

发表于 2016-3-31 10:24:28 |只看该作者

The intro paragraph is loquacious, which generates a malign first impression.
And also it's better to start with the given statement then state your point rather than announcing your view in the first step.
And Some grammar bugs are found.

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