[习作点评] Argument第一篇，第一次发帖，求改。 [复制链接]

lizzylio
UID: 3791354

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 50
寄托币: 24
注册时间: 2017-3-1
精华: 0
帖子: 5

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2017-3-19 21:07:25 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：Woven baskets characterized by a particular distinctive pattern have previously been found only in the immediate vicinity of the prehistoric village of Palea and therefore were believed to have been made only by the Palean people. Recently, however, archaeologists discovered such a "Palean" basket in Lithos, an ancient village across the Brim River from Palea. The Brim River is very deep and broad, and so the ancient Paleans could have crossed it only by boat, and no Palean boats have been found. Thus it follows that the so-called Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

In this argument the author employs a variety of evidence about Paleans, including their geographical information and the discovery about the boats, to argue the baskets could have made by non-Palean cultures. We may accept part of the author’s claim about Palean, but lack of some vital evidence, we cannot accept the conclusion that Palean baskets were not uniquely Palean.

First of all, because no one has found boat in Palean, the author asserts that Palean are not able to cross the Brim River. Therefore, author regards the lack of the evidence of Palean having boats as the evidence of Palean don’t have the ability to crossing the river by other transportations. According to the passage, we only know the Palean boat haven’t been found, but this discovery should not be the direct inference to the answer. Maybe the materials of the boat aren’t durable and decayed after a long time, as a result the body of the boat cannot be found now. Or maybe someone put the boat in somewhere very deep or secreted, it will take a plenty time to find it precise location. We need more concrete evidence to adduce Palean don’t have the skill of building boats.

Even if admitting that Palean have no boat, the evidence that used for denying the possibility that the boat can get Lithos by other ways. Although Brim River is deep and broad nowadays, but it can be shallow and narrow in Palean era, or at least part of it cannot be so deep and broad like today. If it be like that, the Palean could pass through the river without boat. Some archeological and geological records at that time might be useful for evaluating this argument.

Assuming that the river was deep and broad at that time and boat is the only way to get across it, there is another alternative option that there is a possibility that some vehicles were in the possession of a second culture with whom the Palean people kept in contact. The second culture might have brought the discovery basket to Lithos during trading or other activities. The author should provide evidence to show that Palean had o significant contact with other cultures who possessed boats, and that could not be carried to the site through other methods such as trading or some accidents.

In the sum, the conclusion is hastily reached. Before the claim that other culture could make the basket, the author should offer concrete evidence to provide that Palean have no ability to make baskets. Moreover, author should also need to rule out other possible ways by which the baskets could travel to other places. Otherwise, we still cannot assure that the baskets were not unique to Palean culture.

互改

[习作点评] Argument第一篇，第一次发帖，求改。 [复制链接]

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.11.23