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[优秀习作] issue47 是否 place enough emphasis问题 [复制链接]

hatty
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16楼

发表于 2004-8-22 01:40:36 |只看该作者

刚up了一个，结果一看，又是issue47

也接了，一起改：）

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lakeqian
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17楼

发表于 2004-8-22 01:44:21 |只看该作者

哦，我的汗还没出完呢。。。
姐姐看我修改后的吧。。。原版就算了吧~~~~
已经拍烂了。。。惨不忍睹。。。
继续写剩下的部分。。。

PS.
A comparable example is in the domain of art. 删了。没想好，不知怎么写了一句。。。先不写艺术。。。

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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hatty
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18楼

发表于 2004-8-22 02:02:21 |只看该作者

那要不然你先自己改着？

写好了以后，然后跟帖，我会查看的：）

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hatty
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19楼

发表于 2004-8-22 02:05:45 |只看该作者

我先看那个。。。他快考了

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lakeqian
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20楼

发表于 2004-8-22 02:06:12 |只看该作者

呵呵。好的。我再想想。。。谢谢姐姐~~
可能开新贴啦。。。实在是太惨不忍睹拉~~大修一下。。。

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hatty
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21楼

发表于 2004-8-22 06:49:23 |只看该作者

ok，随你了：）

我留意着点就好

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鬼谷子
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22楼

发表于 2004-8-22 08:48:08 |只看该作者

大家已经说了很多意见了
其实我的意见跟大家也差不多
我觉得你说的主要是从人的角度来说，我们有思辨的能力，但是题目要研究的是什么呢？是社会是否足够重视，所以我认为你写的有点跑题。
我觉得你举出的都是现象和结论，而没能成功的解释原因，其实只要说明白我们有思辨能力的原因是社会给予足够的重视，然后从学校，从社会，从各个方面我们得到了这样的技能，你的观点就可以成立了。比如说你提到的艺术领域，可以说因为社会的重视导致学校的重视导致我们在学校学到了理解艺术的思考能力，再加上现象和结果就可以了。
另一个问题在开头，你开头说不能确定，实际上就是没说你的观点。我觉得不好，应该说很难确定，然后按照什么什么样的标准，我认为怎么样，这样观点可以更清晰一点。
感觉你的语言有很大进步了，加油啊！！

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lakeqian
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23楼

发表于 2004-8-22 12:06:36 |只看该作者

其实只要说明白我们有思辨能力的原因是社会给予足够的重视，然后从学校，从社会，从各个方面我们得到了这样的技能，你的观点就可以成立了
嗯，对。觉得写成：课程的设置反映了社会强调智力差不多吧。

不过鬼兄怎么对付enough呢？

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24楼

发表于 2004-8-24 16:50:26 |只看该作者

issue47 是否 place enough emphasis问题
Society does not place enough emphasis on the intellect-that is, on reasoning and other cognitive skills.[issue47]
其实写写改改半天仍然觉得这篇写的不太好。有点实证代替规范啦。本文全部赞成原题。认为enough了。[赞成？这不是全否么？]

TS:很难决定是否enough因为标准不同。基于满足日常使用这个标准，我认为对于XXXX的强调已经enough。
废段。。。跳过
B1艺术领域，从理解艺术的标准来说我们可以正常理解-->enough cognitive skill[单就提纲而言，我没看懂你肩头两端的因果关系]
B2科学领域people now possess enough cognitive skills enabling them to understand the current artifacts
B3reasoning is also emphasized enough in the light of the fact that considerate and impartial judgment in society is already built which is a sure outcome of enough reasoning ability.

[总体而言，我感觉你这篇的提纲没有注意到命题的主语society，论证的重心应当在society是否enough重视上，而不是证明people是否拥有enough能力上。这二者是有区别的。]

从结果推原因是有点问题（还有别的论证办法吗？），但是应该一直扣住了论证enough问题吧？？？
另：这篇文章是事实型，因此似乎不必涉及其他需要社会强调的内容，只用说intellect这方面。

It is hard to determine whether the emphasis placed on intellect—[注意破折号的用法，两个减号，前后各加一个空格。如“ -- ”] reasoning and cognitive skills is enough due to different criterion about the issue. However, in order to cater to the everyday life[这句话in order to 的用法就是有问题的，表示目的？“为了迎合日常生活”？看不太懂你想表达什么], the emphasis placed on reasoning and cognitive skills is enough for average citizens.[从全文的TS开始，彻底的丢弃了动作实施的主体society]

Our society has already place[d] enough emphasis on the cognitive skills and reasoning in that the society’s formal education fulfills its aim of teaching us the basic principles in many fields such as art and science, which secures adequate cognitive skills for our everyday use.[in that表明了因果，看起来倒象是一个全文的TS句：给出了立场，又给出了原因，还可以提出下文的论证角度：分层面art/science。但是放在这里，位置不好。]

In the domain of art, the basic principles of different art schools in terms of art techniques are imparted to the average citizens. We are happy and reassured to find that civilized men and women are capable of understanding art works of its color use, canvas layout other techniques and finally the inner emotion the artist conveys via their works. Many of us can figure out the glimmering color in <sunrise> and the outrage of war in the painting of <pigeon>. Therefore, in terms of appreciating art, our cognitive skills are enough for us to cogitate art works.

Besides, in the field of science, people now possess enough cognitive skills enabling them to understand the current artifacts—implements and buildings though they may be not informed about them directly. Universities have taught us about the marrow of natural science is to deduce the unknown from the known and about the basic principles in different fields. For example, equipped with physics’ basic analytic method of force and balance, we can comprehend and evaluate the robust structure of edifice, the use of suspension cable used in bridge and the delicate equilibrium of the crane. In view of this, we can conclude that cognitive is enough for us to make everyday comprehension towards modern life.

On the other hand, reasoning is also emphasized enough in the light of the fact that considerate and impartial judgment in society is already built which is a sure outcome of enough reasoning ability. One who can reason will doubt why we are created inherently different as asserted by ancient mythology and other sources. Nazi alleged that Germany is genetically better than Jewish and other races. However, after reasoning about the evolution of mankind and consulting the genetics, we can deduce that all races are different due to different environment factors affecting us, while no priority and disparity is founded. Our sufficient reasoning ability precludes rumor and heresy deviating us from the rational.

In a word, the society has put enough emphasis on reasoning and cognitive skills, because we have already seen the fruitful outcome of such emphasis is enough for the everyday use.

[sorry，一直没时间来看，拖到这会儿了。我也感觉你写跑了。后面的主要body段论证都是人们已经拥有enough能力了，这和society是否给与enough重视不能说完全没关系，但至少，不是直接的关系。即便你用body1把两者用教育进行了连结，但也不能够完全抛弃掉society来论证possess。即便你说明了“有A是因为B”，在证明方法上，你证明的确B存在的时候，也至少得要提到A。

个人意见。时间紧，看得比较简略。Sorry~~~~]

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