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未来心理学家的牢骚 [复制链接]

peggy*
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16楼

发表于 2005-2-2 07:40:33 |只看该作者

又是发牢骚的时候了。还好，今天可以用中文发。本来准备了很多东西写，但在烦恼着的时候，是不会有心情写风花雪月的，不怪的俺的日记通常都是牢骚一片。

明知道有一大堆的功课要做，就是没心，一上网就去完我知道的留学申请网页看看人家拿到了OFFER没有，其实这种心理也怪，本来OFFER开始发给人家，自己没有的话应该不会高兴的，但看不到有人拿心理OFFER好像会失望一样。只是又到了申请忧郁综合症的时候了。真痛苦，非逼着做些什么不行似的。就这样撒手不干总有些负罪感，决定了。该做些什么了。

总算在一月的最后一天得到了暂时来讲唯一的POSITIVE的消息。我也有INTERVIEW了。还是教授亲自打电话来，每天呆在图书馆地下室（因为人少，安静）收不到信号就昨天刚好想起不行，现在开始要尽可能让手机AVAILABLE,就昨天就收到他的电话，真高兴。高兴不在于学校的排名，而在于终于有人肯定我的成绩和努力。

这样下去也不是办法，该实实在在做些事情了。希望。。。但怎么整颗心都系在电脑上呢。。。 :confused:

天将降OFFER予斯人也，必将累得你半死，不给饭你吃，不让你有一觉好睡，把你弄得穷困潦倒，神志错乱。。。。。

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17楼

发表于 2005-2-2 14:53:17 |只看该作者

gxgx！鼓励一下！
现在这种状态是不是可以称为“申请后综合征”呢？;)

爱人如己

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18楼

发表于 2005-2-3 09:21:10 |只看该作者

Thanks for comforting me, God.

I have to move to another library to type in Chinese. but i am god damn tired today. so just write it here in English. bear with my grammar mistakes. i always have to check the tense or he/she or something after i write...but i am tired today...

what i am gonna say? yeah...let me begin with Bible Studies. I don't really believe in Jesus. I just went to the bible studies twice from this semester because they are playing a fun game and it's a good (if not the only) chance to know friends better. I am always curious and ask a lot of wired questions, at least maybe wired for faithful Christians. I am glad that they don't mind. but i just couldn't help to ask. i know it's bound to be naive for some so-called knowledgable people. but i don't care. sometimes just one or two single facts can prevent someone from becoming a Christian. i would ask, what guilt does a baby has when he/she is born? they couldn't give me a satisfied answer at all. they said that babies are selfish. i said that's evolutionary, otherwise they will die. my friend sitting besides me laughed secretly for all the time. I started to think what i have done wrong. Finally i smiled too because I shouldn't have mentioned evolution because Christians would not believe in it anyway. I said that it's not fair to kill all the animals and just left one pair of each when Adam and Eve and someone else (?)did something wrong. God should have the superpower to distinguish who is good and who is bad. they couldn't defend either. one just said only
God could decide what is fair and what is not fair. this answer still doesn't make sense to me after thinking for a long time. maybe I should stop asking these basic questions (basic for me, but seems too difficult for them). i am disappointed that they couldn't give me a more professional answer. I finally think it seems I was doing anti-bible studies to Christians and persuading them to quit. I still remember I argue with a good German Christian friend long time ago that i don't believe in Jesus simply because Jesus is Western people. he said face doesn't matter, right? i said it does matter to me. Why couldn't he/she be Asian? Asian are already treated kind of inferior in the world, how could God still be Western people? doesn't it mean that white people are actually superior after all? he said then what face should God has? I said, maybe one God for every kind of race or God without a face. :rolleyes: I know many "knowledgable" people would say ha, it's silly. but that's me. and that's one of the silly reasons why i couldn't believe.

one Korean girl said that she started to believe in Jesus when she found that in many moments that God was with her. I wanted to ask what kinds fo moment. but the time was up and she didn't answer me in the end. but i kind of have the feeling this afternoon.

It was totally a bad day. It was my first time to TaoCI but just got a rejection from the professor. and I was even rejected by my own school. i found it funny that since every Clinical psychology program require interview, you could actually know your application results much learlier by calling them or asking them by emails. and then I thought, well, if that's the way it is, what else should i care? i don't wanna regret not having TaoCi and being rejected like these two schools. that just hurts myself quite a bit. I would rather trouble the professor and even ruin the chance than to hurt myself. but after sending out several TaoCi letters, I got two replies very quickly and my favorite professors in two universities are not accepting new students. I should have asked them before i apply. i should have....

i was so upset and went to the interview workshop in career center. everyone got a lovely candy bound with a famous sentence on it. Guess what it was? It was Lao-tzu's "A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step." it seems it was exactly the sentence I needed at that moment. My mood changed a little better and was surprised to see that others are getting totally different sentences. it might the first time for me to feel that God was there comforting and encouraging me because I was so helpless and couldn't find a friend to talk to. I have a bunch of good friends, but most of them are not in the United States and the ones who are here are very busy with their classes. At that moment, i really need a shoulder to cry on but I couldn't even contact him any more. Maybe just God knows my feeling after all. And what's more, when we got out of the meeting, we could smell the sign of free food and just followed the pizza smell into a hall. it was a graduate students gathering. in order for us to know each other better, they provided us a piece of paper with a lot of titles on it, such as psychologist or writers etc. You have to know new people and write their names in the appropriate title. If we get a line(bingle) we will win. I met someone called Mark and he said that he himself could fill in the whole line. He is a "swimmer", a "painter", a "physicist"...But I just wrote his name in three blanks and fill my name in "world traveler" and added another person into "geologist". I thought the award was a cup of capuchino. But when i showed my paper to the organizer, she annouced me the winner in the party and surprisingly I got a gift card of $25 to a famous coffeeshop(or pizza restaurant?) named Il Vicino. Maybe God suggested me to find someone to talk to. :)

God have comforted me twice today. I don't really believe in Jesus' story. but i prefer to think that God is with me. It's nice to think it that way.

天将降OFFER予斯人也，必将累得你半死，不给饭你吃，不让你有一觉好睡，把你弄得穷困潦倒，神志错乱。。。。。

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19楼

发表于 2005-2-3 11:56:06 |只看该作者

Christ is a belief, not a science. I will more like to study why the people need the belief, rather than why they believe.

It's hard to prove the God exist, but just as hard as to prove it dosent.

Why cant the Jesus be asian? Just like everyone, you have to born somewhere. Even if the God can choose where he will born, and choose it randomly and unbiasly, it's still a chance the God to be a white man.

You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, DFW, BWI. Pacific, Mountain, Central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at International Airport Houston. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

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20楼

发表于 2005-2-3 12:41:02 |只看该作者

写得很有意思，评个精华了~~

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21楼

发表于 2005-2-3 22:53:42 |只看该作者

关于8楼，也许这篇文章可以解释？

https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=244874

I LOVE U
hand in hand
下着大雪的夜晚,在一间温暖的房间,你我偎依着看动画片...

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22楼

发表于 2005-2-5 18:44:45 |只看该作者

好长，慢慢读吧，细细品味～～～

If I'm who I am because I'm who I am and you're who you are because you are who you are, then I'm who I am and you're who you are.

If,on the other hand, I'm who I am because you're who you are, and if you are who you are because I'm who I am, then I'm not who I am and you're not who you are.

peggy*
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23楼

发表于 2005-2-13 07:47:08 |只看该作者

2/12 是打击还是应该感激？

看到贴着I love you 的邮票，并认得熟悉的笔迹，没有一点惊喜，只先抽了一口凉气。

又是那个我们叫“老头”的五十来岁的朋友。差不了多久就60的了，还没结成婚，倒也似乎过得不错。虽然我知道其实也许还是没有结婚的好。毕竟他也是找不着适合的才选择一个人过，既然一个人过，他也不想亏待自己，就四处旅游，且不放过报纸里任何一个活动。虽然他对我挺好，且帮我修改语法错误什么的，我总觉得他有那么点别扭才导致未能如大部分人一样成亲。

有一段时间闹得特别别扭，我婉转地以忙拒绝了他的频繁约会后（当然以认识美国文化为理由的约会），他竟然发了封很孩子气且让我恶心了两个星期的信，说通常女生以忙推托男生都是因为她对跟他出去不感兴趣。看完我就把信撕了。他说的情况好像只适用于爱情。恶心之余我真想说，pinpong! 你猜对了！最起码如果是我爱慕已久的男生的约会，我应该是赴汤蹈火也会去的。即使是一个年轻男生的约会，我也会多考虑一点的。

我后来明白为什么我笑一个30多岁的女生朋友跟一个瘦弱的博士后(at least in his 40s) 时，她那么生气。

我觉得一些男人真的要有自知之明。虽然他最后似乎暗示了是想做朋友，但我觉得一些措辞不太适合。说回这封信，我觉得其实没有必要。如果仅是朋友的话，有何必要送情人节的卡，里面有很多心，然后邮票又写着我爱你，我倒真觉得有些offensive. 只要他的爱里面掺杂即使1%超出友谊的那种因素，我都觉得恶心，虽说是他的自由。我想，你们这些老头啊，不安分守己，难道就想弄得世界大乱吗？那年轻人去哪儿找女朋友去阿？

另一个因为时间关系就说两句好了。真把我气得吐血了。在图书馆工作了一段时间，一个黑人清洁工突然向我表白了。他48岁，并说他虽是清洁工，可有一栋大房子之类的。虽然听他说我多么attactive有点开心，但随之而来也只是无尽的恶心。你们啊，到底以为自己是谁呢？

天将降OFFER予斯人也，必将累得你半死，不给饭你吃，不让你有一觉好睡，把你弄得穷困潦倒，神志错乱。。。。。