[a习作temp] Argument40 限时第一篇大家互相帮忙 [复制链接]

Autosea
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-3-4 16:04:03 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

在pp3里写的，411个词，改了一些拼写错误。

The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Excello Food Markets.
"In 90 towns where Excello has food markets, natural-food stores specializing in organic food products—products containing no chemical preservatives and made with foods grown without pesticides—have opened nearby as competitors. Surveys of our own customers reveal a growing concern about foods grown using pesticides or preserved with chemicals. Recently our market in Sun City participated in a local food tasting fair, and 75 percent of the fair goers who visited the Excello booth requested free samples of organic fruit. Such evidence indicates that to increase our profits, we should begin to stock a full line of organic food products in all our markets."

The president of Excello Food Markets recommends that they should begin to stock a full line of organic food products in all their markets in order to increase their profits. To support this recommendation, the president presents some appealing evidence. However, careful scrutiny reveals that the recommendation relies on several dubious assumptions, thereby rendering it unconvincing.

To begin with, the assumption that surveys of their own customers imply that their customers would purchase more organic food products is unwarranted. A growing concern about foods grown using pesticides or preserved with chemicals does not mean that customers are complaining about the current usage of pesticides and preservatives but that they do not like the growing trend. If so, customers may remain consuming food products with pesticide and chemicals rather than buying organic food products. In addition, even if they do not like food with pesticides and preservatives, they may continue to purchase them, because it is entirely possible that the price of organic food is fairly unacceptable or that the tastes of organic food are not good. Without more investigation, the president unreasonably employs the surveys to substantiate the assumption.

Moreover, the president embraces another groundless assumption that Sun City's food tasting fair can prove their organic food would be popular. The fact that fair goers only asked for free samples only indicates that the fair goers were interested in the samples. Perhaps, after tasting, they thought the samples were bad. Even if they liked the tastes of the samples, are they representative of the public's tastes? If the answer is no, customers may not patronize the products. Assuming that the organic fruit would be popular in the market, the president does not guarantee other products would be the same popular. It is very possible that customers would reject other types of organic food because of the bad tastes of them. In short, unless the president provides more strong evidence, it is unsound to trust the assumption.

Finally, the president fails to take other factors related to their profitability into consideration. For example, the costs of organic food products, the costs of stocking, and the competitions in this market may considerably affect their profits. The president has to do more market analysis so that they can benefit from organic food products safely.

In sum, as it stands, the recommendation is unfounded. Unless the president offer clear and persuasive evidence, Excello Food Markets cannot adopt the recommendation, otherwise they may suffer great loss.

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chinhoi
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沙发

发表于 2005-3-4 21:25:39 |只看该作者

第四段的论证似乎比较简洁，可能再详细些会更好
觉得最后一段的结论语气似乎太强了，cannot可以改成had better not
而且前面也没有提到过他们公司可能损失
在结论里面提出可能不是很合适
结论不要提出新的东西哦

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christian.xie
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板凳

发表于 2005-3-4 23:27:23 |只看该作者

占座，哈哈

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christian.xie
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地板

发表于 2005-3-5 00:07:40 |只看该作者

The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Excello Food Markets.
"In 90 towns where Excello has food markets, natural-food stores specializing in organic food products—products containing no chemical preservatives and made with foods grown without pesticides—have opened nearby as competitors. Surveys of our own customers reveal a growing concern about foods grown using pesticides or preserved with chemicals. Recently our market in Sun City participated in a local food tasting fair, and 75 percent of the fair goers who visited the Excello booth requested free samples of organic fruit. Such evidence indicates that to increase our profits, we should begin to stock a full line of organic food products in all our markets."

The president of Excello Food Markets recommends that they should begin to stock a full line of organic food products in all their markets in order to increase their profits. To support this recommendation, the president presents some appealing evidence. However, careful scrutiny reveals that the recommendation relies on several dubious assumptions, thereby rendering it unconvincing.

To begin with, the assumption that surveys of their own customers imply that their customers would purchase more organic food products is unwarranted. A growing concern about foods grown using pesticides or preserved with chemicals does not mean that customers are complaining about the current usage of pesticides and preservatives but that they do not like the growing trend. （这样的攻击感觉不到位，如果用“顾客只是表现出对杀虫剂和防腐剂的关注，并没有表示会选择购买有机食品”是不是更好？） If so, customers may remain consuming food products with pesticide and chemicals rather than buying organic food products. In addition, even if they do not like food with pesticides and preservatives, （让步？） they may continue to purchase them, because it is entirely possible that the price of organic food is fairly unacceptable or that the tastes of organic food are not good. Without more investigation, the president unreasonably employs the surveys to substantiate the assumption.（这段思路不是很清晰。。。是不是忙着打字呐？）

Moreover, the president embraces another groundless assumption that Sun City's food tasting fair can prove their organic food would be popular. The fact that fair goers only asked for free samples only indicates that the fair goers were interested in the samples. Perhaps, after tasting, they thought the samples were bad. Even if they liked the tastes of the samples, are they representative of the public's tastes? （此处可以进一步攻击，趁热打铁。给出具体理由。）If the answer is no, customers may not patronize the products. Assuming that the organic fruit would be popular in the market, the president does not guarantee other products would be the same popular. It is very possible that customers would reject other types of organic food because of the bad tastes of them. In short, unless the president provides more strong evidence, it is unsound to trust the assumption.

Finally, the president fails to take other factors related to their profitability into consideration. For example, the costs of organic food products, the costs of stocking, and the competitions in this market may considerably affect their profits. The president has to do more market analysis so that they can benefit from organic food products safely.

In sum, as it stands, the recommendation is unfounded. Unless the president offer clear and persuasive evidence, Excello Food Markets cannot adopt the recommendation, otherwise they may suffer great loss.
整体感觉很好的文章，掌握了不少好句子，学习ING~~~~~~~
你也回拍一下吧，共同提高，呵呵

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