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[i习作temp] issue186 高频idol practicality 留下连接必回拍3月group5 [复制链接]

anthrax
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-3-20 14:39:30 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue186  第2篇写成了超级感性的一篇东西……汗
------摘要------
作者：anthrax    共用时间：50分8秒    480 words
提纲：1商业领域的实用崇拜
   2教育领域……
   3 实用主义的害处（艺术）
   4 实用主义的缺陷--我们到底该崇拜什么
越写越感性，感觉正一个谴责文章……汗阿
------题目------
Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
------正文------
If the great poet of romanticism, Goethe can live on to see today's world, he must be startled by the coldness and brutality of such a place, where the machinelike worship towards efficiency and profit dominates; people in spite of complexion, social status, age as well gender all succumb to a single aim--practicality. Though conceding that pragmatic idea has merit, I am with the poet and others who still cherish idealism, their romantic notion about what to pursue in lives and the world.

Admittedly, practicality gains its precedence for good reasons. As the boom of population and depletion of available resources, one must follow the code of efficiency and practicality to live by.

As for business, with the market evolves into a much more complicated and whimsically changing one, only by the pragmatic means can a company survive. Important is to raise efficiency as well as to cut down cost, ensuring a corporation can maximize its profit in the fierce competition and thrive. Thus, in the sphere of business, practicality indeed conquers people's mind, for the materialism prevailing today.

The education field also witnesses the ascendancy of pragmatic pursue today. Influenced by the market trend, driven by the desire for luxury, most college students buzz off learning what will secure them a lucrative job offer later, no matter whether their real interest lies in those occupations. As a result, the noble goal of education has reduced itself into a mere tool for high salary, respectable social standing, or just a department with grand sea scenery on Manhattan Island.

Nonetheless, We should also be aware of negative effects exerted by the fanatic worship towards pragmatic notion. Take art for instance, too much emphasis on the profit and functionality will ultimately undermine the delicate integrity of art, deaden the passionate, brilliant inspiration and creativity of artists’ unbridled thought. A deluge of evidence can be easily drawn to illustrate damages cast by practicality. When trying to carter to the taste of audience and ticket sales, numerous films reduce it to a hasty mixture of love, adventure, scheme and fairy tales about "happily ever after"---those elements most favored by the masses. Though them may succeed in short-term, ranking No.1 in all kinds of tickets sales, years later these films eventually fade in people's mind, leaving nothing but a vague impression and meaningless plots.

However, is life itself an arduous chasing after fame, glory, money and luxury? If the world is not just an arena of battles, jobs a vulgar means to ensure bread and milk, learning the useful tools for promotion and vocational achievement, in a word, if practicality indeed matters, we should not compliantly yield to be its slavery.

Yes, we have see to much ceaseless pursue towards practicality, too much concern about financial benefit, yet too little thoughtful exploration to the nature of life itself, the glory and beauty of mystery in our universe. It is time to realize our idol practicality can only lead to a world suffocate with money, desire and ultimately hectic pace of struggle--for the sake of nothing. Those fervent worship should be convert into reasonable appreciation towards efficiency, and what deserves more attention lies in the realm of idealism, where our souls are comforted and can rest without panic, fear and delusion.

结束了，结束了。
我和GRE,我和你。
想哭，也想笑。
未来怎么样，没有人知道。

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anthrax
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沙发

发表于 2005-3-21 00:43:38 |只看该作者

钟声又说帮我拍……哪有……哭

结束了，结束了。
我和GRE,我和你。
想哭，也想笑。
未来怎么样，没有人知道。

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shengzhongbell
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板凳

发表于 2005-3-21 12:32:49 |只看该作者

No.1 issue186 高频idol practicality 留下连接必回拍3月group5
Issue186 第2篇写成了超级感性的一篇东西……汗
------摘要------
作者：anthrax 共用时间：50分8秒 480 words
提纲：1商业领域的实用崇拜
2教育领域……（还是我以前的建议，你的TP范围太大了，一个领域涉及太广，很容易跑题的，虽然还没看你写的文章，就感觉你写时很费解了。）
3 实用主义的害处（艺术）
4 实用主义的缺陷--我们到底该崇拜什么
越写越感性，感觉正一个谴责文章……汗阿（I suggest that you should narrow your topic sentence to a convergent and concrete point.）
------题目------
Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
------正文------
If the great poet of romanticism, Goethe can live on to see today's world, he must be startled by the coldness and brutality of such a place, where the machinelike worship towards efficiency and profit dominates; people in spite of complexion, social status, age as well gender all succumb to a single aim--practicality. Though conceding that pragmatic idea has (its) merit, I am with the poet and others who still cherish idealism, their romantic notion about what to pursue in lives and the world.(Although I know that you are a idealist, it is tough to overall negative the fashionable practicality in the world today, in my opinion)

Admittedly, practicality gains its precedence for good reasons. As the boom of population and depletion of available resources, one must follow the code of efficiency and practicality to live by.

As for business, with the market evolves into a much more complicated and whimsically changing one, only by the pragmatic means can a company survive. Important is to raise efficiency as well as to cut down cost, ensuring a corporation can maximize its profit in the fierce competition and thrive. Thus, in the sphere of business, practicality indeed conquers people's mind, for the materialism prevailing today.

The education field also witnesses the ascendancy of pragmatic pursue (pursuit) today. Influenced by the market trend, driven by the desire for luxury, most college students buzz off learning what will secure them a lucrative job offer later, no matter whether their real interest lies in those occupations. As a result, the noble goal of education has reduced itself into a mere tool for high salary, respectable social standing, or just a department with grand sea scenery on Manhattan Island.
(厉害，Manhattan都会拼)
Nonetheless, We should also be aware of negative effects exerted by the fanatic worship towards pragmatic notion. Take art for instance, too much emphasis on the profit and functionality will ultimately undermine the delicate integrity of art, deaden the passionate, brilliant inspiration and creativity of artists’ unbridled thought. A deluge of evidence can be easily drawn to illustrate damages cast by practicality. When trying to carter to the taste of audience and ticket sales, numerous films reduce it to a hasty mixture of love, adventure, scheme and fairy tales about "happily ever after"---those elements most favored by the masses. Though them may succeed in short-term, ranking No.1 in all kinds of tickets sales, years later these films eventually fade in people's mind, leaving nothing but a vague impression and meaningless plots.(HOLLYWOOD的论据用得不错，最后因该来句总结)

However, is life itself an arduous chasing after fame, glory, money and luxury? If the world is not just an arena of battles, jobs a vulgar means to ensure bread and milk, learning the useful tools for promotion and vocational achievement, in a word, if practicality indeed matters, we should not compliantly yield to be its slavery.
（还是缺乏analytical and critical comments.感觉象启发性文章，让读者自己去深思和联想）

Yes, we have see to much ceaseless pursue towards practicality, too much concern about financial benefit, yet too little thoughtful exploration to the nature of life itself, the glory and beauty of mystery in our universe. It is time to realize our idol practicality can only lead to a world suffocate with money, desire and ultimately hectic pace of struggle--for the sake of nothing. Those fervent worship should be convert into reasonable appreciation towards efficiency, and what deserves more attention lies in the realm of idealism, where our souls are comforted and can rest without panic, fear and delusion.
（你可能是太想最求6分了，创意和语言都没得说，就是缺乏分析，建议你写时每段的中心更细化和明确，我也是存在抓不住中心的问题，加油）

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anthrax
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地板

发表于 2005-3-21 12:52:24 |只看该作者

中肯中肯，我会好好修改的……可能要用ts来纠正航道才行啊

结束了，结束了。
我和GRE,我和你。
想哭，也想笑。
未来怎么样，没有人知道。

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anthrax
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5楼

发表于 2005-3-21 13:02:04 |只看该作者

我哪有追求6分阿。说出来都被别人笑死了……哭

结束了，结束了。
我和GRE,我和你。
想哭，也想笑。
未来怎么样，没有人知道。

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wicwawa
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6楼

发表于 2005-3-21 13:37:23 |只看该作者

issue 186
------摘要------
作者：anthrax 共用时间：50分8秒 480 words
提纲：1商业领域的实用崇拜
2教育领域……
3 实用主义的害处（艺术）
4 实用主义的缺陷--我们到底该崇拜什么
越写越感性，感觉正一个谴责文章……汗阿
------题目------
Practicality is now our great idol, which all powers and talents must serve. Anything that is not obviously practical has little value in today's world.
------正文------
If the great poet of romanticism, Goethe can live on to see today's world, he must be startled by the coldness and brutality of such a place, where the machinelike worship towards efficiency and profit dominates; people in spite of complexion, social status, age as well gender all succumb to a single aim--practicality. Though conceding that pragmatic idea has merit, I am with the poet and others who still cherish idealism, their romantic notion about what to pursue in lives and the world.
(开头非常好，不落俗)
Admittedly, practicality gains its precedence for good reasons. As the boom of population and depletion of available resources, one must follow the code of efficiency and practicality to live by.(和下段连起来)

As for business, with the market evolves into a much more complicated and whimsically changing one,(为什么whimsically会要求practicality) only by the pragmatic means can a company survive. Important(importance) is to raise efficiency as well as to cut down cost, ensuring a corporation can maximize its profit in the fierce competition and thrive. Thus, in the sphere of business, practicality indeed conquers people's mind, for the materialism prevailing today.

The education field also witnesses the ascendancy of pragmatic pursue(pursuit) today. Influenced by the market trend, driven by the desire for luxury, most college students buzz off learning what will secure them a lucrative job offer later, no matter whether their real interest lies in those occupations. As a result, the noble goal of education has reduced itself into a mere tool for high salary, respectable social standing, or just a department with grand sea scenery on Manhattan Island.(不错，但最好把thing not practical 与interest 联系上，in fact, pursue interest不等于not practical)

Nonetheless, We should also be aware of negative effects exerted by the fanatic worship towards pragmatic notion. Take art for instance, too much emphasis on the profit and functionality will ultimately undermine the delicate integrity of art, deaden the passionate, brilliant inspiration and creativity of artists’ unbridled thought. A deluge of evidence can be easily drawn to illustrate damages cast by practicality. When trying to carter to the taste of audience and ticket sales, numerous films reduce it to a hasty mixture of love, adventure, scheme and fairy tales about "happily ever after"---those elements most favored by the masses. Though them(they) may succeed in short-term, ranking No.1 in all kinds of tickets sales, years later these films eventually fade in people's mind, leaving nothing but a vague impression and meaningless plots.

However, 两个开头都是转折，到底强调的是什么，怕老美领会不了is life itself an arduous chasing after fame, glory, money and luxury? If the world is not just an arena of battles, jobs （or）a vulgar means to ensure bread and milk, learning the useful tools for promotion and vocational achievement, in a word, if practicality indeed matters, (logic 是不是错拉，if not 又if matters)we should not compliantly yield to be its slavery.

Yes, we have see to much ceaseless pursue towards practicality, too much concern about financial benefit, yet too little thoughtful exploration to the nature of life itself, the glory and beauty of mystery in our universe. It is time to realize our idol practicality can only lead to a world suffocate with money, desire and ultimately hectic pace of struggle--for the sake of nothing. Those fervent worship should be convert into reasonable appreciation towards efficiency, and what deserves more attention lies in the realm of idealism, where our souls are comforted and can rest without panic, fear and delusion.

改你的文章想在学习啊，确实很有文采，
思维也很清楚，
但个人觉得应该用一段写idealism的好处

才爬过了小山头，离颠峰还远着～～

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