issue 16求高手指教~ [复制链接]

We live in a society where governments afford citizens public buildings from our taxes. People share public buildings and thus invariably concern much over the design of public buildings. It seems commonly that public buildings reflect the attitudes as well as values of the society. I essentially agree with this view, yet want to push it a little further that public buildings also reveal the demands of the society in different periods.(这里有个小疑问,既然提出了demand in different periods,那一般给人的感觉是作者会谈论在不同时期里demand的变化而导致的building的变化,但是接下来的内容却不是讨论这个,而讨论的是在不同社会情况下demand的需求导致的building的不同,如法律的威严性引导了法庭的建设风格,911事件的特殊原因导致了WTC的建设风格,以及新加坡的事件.你接下来的文章内容扣住了主题,**决定建筑风格,但是没有扣住你这个further issue,时期变化导致需求变化从而间接影响建筑风格)

To begin with, public buildings have an essential role mirroring values of a society that builds them. History is replete with examples. Supreme Court was designed to match the legal values of the United States. After discussion over the design of the Supreme Court, the executives chose a classical architecture style, according to which(这里的表达有中国英语的嫌疑,能不能改成which shows), buildings should be build with dignity, at the same time keeping balance between the court and the judiciary system. Ultimately, the court was successfully built as a symbol of the highest justice in America. Besides courts, other public buildings such as schools, libraries and hospitals are designed in accordance with the societal standards. In short, public buildings act much like pubic media that convey social beliefs.

Similarly, today's new buildings are built with the societal values and attitudes. A good example is the redesign of the World Trade Center in New York. After September 11th,the rebuilt of the World Center became a big issue. A Berlin architecture designed skyscrapers as the substitute. He explained that this design represented America’s economic height in the world. It also revealed the vigor and courage of the United States (when) facing disasters. From this case, we see not only a design of building, but also a meaningful connotation behind it--persistence towards unfortunates.   

Moreover, public buildings also reflect the specific demands of a society. As the government builds more and more public fitness facilities, we can see people's desire for health. It is true that people concern about their health more strongly than they were ten years ago. Thus, the construction of public fitness facilities caters for their needs. In addition, Singapore's Zhangyi airport is in the construction of a new avenue. In this design, there are less unnecessary corridors but more applicable shops selling fast food and luxuries. It is no doubt that passengers will enjoy this new avenue because it saves their time, embodying the sense of effectiveness.

第一次改GMAT文章.不知道会不会引起公愤.我从来没练习过GT作文,都是上场临时编,所以从来不敢挑改作文的大梁,但是既然板油发过来了,我先硬着头皮上,一些语法表达方面的问题可能提得不是很精准,红色部分是我觉得有问题的部分.我写作文只注重逻辑表达是否到位,观点是否鲜明,表达是否清晰,至于语句和词汇的运用,以及语法的注重,我一直都做得不够.希望这个修改不要闹出大笑话才好,欢迎大家指正!