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rysf
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发表于 2010-9-7 16:51:56 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
9月7日交
2009.8.7 NA  是否同意 parents help determined the future of their children or children allow to make their own choices.4

Whether parents should decide the future of their children? Some people reveal their inclination to adult need to help their children's choice because adult have more experiences than their children, while others deem that young child could control their own destine due to this is their own choose whatever they make. As far as I am concerned, children should make decision by themselves, but need to consider their parents' suggestions.

First of all, children should make decision by themselves. As we all known, you is the only person who know what things you really want to do, not expecting their parents. Young people know what they interest in and what they really like. For instance, I am a girl who has interest in nature science, such as animals, plants, tree like that. So, after my college entrance examination, I want to choose my major in biology. But my father hope me work on chemistry in that he claim that chemistry possess good future in job and will take good in-come for me. My chemistry course usually get bad grade in my high school, I am not really interest in this course also. Finally, I decide to study in transportation. Suppose that I were choose major in chemistry, I will have boring 4 years because I have to study a major what i am not good at. I even possible can not acquire my bachelor degree due to I offend take fail in exam like in my high school. For this, no one could understand me better than myself, include my parents. And every children need to choose their lives.

However, it is no deny that adult need provide suggestion to their children consider that they possess broad experiences than children. Our parents have more deeply understood on this society. Communicating with our parents would benefit to us for choosing future. We continue my example of my major. Why I choose transportation instead of biology? I told my father that I really hate chemistry and he help me to analyzed the future of other majors, like math, psychology, art, transportation like this. I find that I have interest in transportation, and decide choose this major by my father's help. So, Parents could talk their own opinions to children to help make decision of their children.

To sum up, children could make decision and choose their own lives what they really like by their help and suggestions form their parents. And parents not so much that determining their future of young person as that learning how to analyze the future.

麻烦了~~狠批啊
已有 1 人评分寄托币 声望 收起 理由
hycqy + 5 + 4 加油！

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ilovelss
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发表于 2010-9-9 00:01:22 |只看该作者
sorry  改晚了
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发表于 2010-9-9 09:53:43 |只看该作者
Whether parents should decide the future of their children? Some people reveal their inclination to adult need to help their children's choice because adult have more experiences than their children, while others deem that young child(children) could control their own destine(destinies) due to this is their own choose(decision) whatever they make. As far as I am concerned(I concern), children should make decision by themselves, but need to consider their parents' suggestions.8 U8 V" p& ~! H3 m! b! c
) |5 S4 k2 e+ B5 S+ c1 A4 }! q
First of all, children should make decision by themselves. As we all known(know), you is(are) the only person who know what things you really want to do, not expecting their(your) parents. Young people know what they interest in and what they really like. For instance, I am a girl who has interest(interested) in nature science, such as animals, plants, tree like that. So, after my college entrance examination, I want to choose(biology as my major) my major in biology. But my father hope(hopes) me (to) work on chemistry in that he claim that chemistry possess good future in job and will take good in-come for me. My chemistry course usually get bad grade in my high school, I am not really interest in this course also. Finally, I decide to study in transportation. Suppose that I were choose major in chemistry, I will have boring 4 years because I have to study a major what i am not good at. I even possible can not acquire my bachelor degree due to I offend take fail in exam like in my high school. For this, no one could understand me better than myself, include(including) my parents. And every children need to choose their lives.8 A( |+ u: x7 g2 E

However, it is no(I do not) deny that adult need provide suggestion to their children consider that they possess broad experiences than (that of) children. Our parents have more deeply understood on this society. Communicating with our parents would benefit to(\) us for(in) choosing future. We continue my example of my major. Why I choose transportation instead of(other than) biology? I told my father that I really hate chemistry and he help me to analyzed the future of other majors, like math, psychology, art, transportation like this. I find that I have interest in transportation, and decide choose this major by my father's help. So, Parents could talk their own opinions to children to help make decision of their children.
& @9 Q0 V6 B* k, V/ M/ d9 ^5 Z
To sum up, children could make decision and choose their own lives what they really like by their help and suggestions form(from) their parents. And parents not so much that determining their future of young person as that learning how to analyze the future./ `0 C

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地板
发表于 2010-9-9 13:10:03 |只看该作者
谢谢 同学 改的很认真 很多很好的建议 十分感谢！ 2# ilovelss

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发表于 2010-9-9 20:05:19 |只看该作者
9月9日交7 @- f2 m1 p, R0 U9 H
2009.9.11NA  agree or disagree it is only worth watching movies that can teach us something about real life- C/ ~; _  t* z

Whether the movies that are worthy to us are have only topic on real live? Some people reveal their inclination that people should watch this kind of movie because we can learn how to face the real life. While other people deem that only watch at the movie that focus on real life is boring. As far as i am concerned, we could not limit movies that we watched in real life.

First of all, abundance of type of movies is worth to be watched with education. Modern day, lots of movies we could choose, and almost of them possess education meaning. Science-fiction movie is a fitting example. The heat reflected movie <Avatar> as it is a science fiction films and possible nothing to do with real life. It is a worth watching film. First, we can get up the imagination. My brother has seen the film 4 months ago and now he dream of inventing a type of machine communicate with animals. What is more, we can more clear realize the same problem in our own plant by the imaginary worlds — environmental destruction. This kind of movie is not so much far away from real life as reflect the real life deeply. Is it not worth to watch?

What is more, the valuable movie is not only focusing on education but also has other beneficial factor. Almost people like movies are not only because movies can broad their horizons, but because movie makes them relaxed. For instance, I am a fan of movie. Lots of movies I want to watch are comedy due to I could acquire more relaxed and joyful from these type of movie. And most of them are not talk in real life, their pots and storyline usually. I am busy whole day and i do not want to see education movies to kill time. For this, the movie about other thing is crucial to our lives in that they make our lives funny.

To sum up, Limiting in movie about real life is not a sensible choice. There are many type of valuable movie in our lives.
.

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发表于 2010-9-11 18:35:41 |只看该作者
9月11日交
2009.9.19 NA  Government should more support art museum and music performance than recreational facilities, such as swimming pool or play ground.6 e. d( t2 X$ |. S+ X9 N. u& o

Whether the government more needs to establish art museum and music performance than physical place? Some people reveal their inclination that citizen need more art places because they wan to know art and broad horizon of art. While other people deem that government could pay more attention on develop recreational facilities due to they need to relax after whole busy work. As far as I am concerned, it is balancing what government support art with what develop recreational facilities.

On the one hand, what places relative to art is built is beneficial to city people. Citizen would increase the cultured quality because more change to contact the museum and music performance due to abundance of places are built. There has a fitting example, my city begin to establish more and more music theater these years. Then plenty of people get opportunity to listen classical music instead of pop music. After listening concert my friend and I feel fresh mind and highly quality. Contacting art bring us high step of metal. For this, government officials need to support the developing of art.

On the other hand, extending recreational facilities is indispensable to development of city. For instance, we can not acquire relive stress after rush work everyday if there is no place we can go to relax. And we are lack of spirit and energy if staying this situation. Then city can not develop faster if their citizen has bad spirit on their job. What is more, people need stronger and healthy body. Physical facilities, such as swimming pool serve as a useful place to exercise and render us to healthy. On the whole, people could stay their healthy body and acquire relax by recreation.

To sum up, supporting art museum could as important as r recreational facilities in that bring us both enhancing mentation and relaxing body.
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梵士林
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7楼
发表于 2010-9-12 09:46:20 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 梵士林 于 2010-9-12 09:48 编辑

Whether the government more needs to establish art museum and music performance （more）than physical place? Some people reveal their inclination that citizen need more art places because they want to know art and broad horizon of art. While other people deem that government could（should） pay more attention on develop （ing）recreational facilities due to (due to 不能接句子和Owing to because of或 on account of一样，是个介词，只能引导副词短语) they need to relax after whole busy work. As far as I am concerned, it is balancing what government support art with what develop recreational facilities.

On the one hand, what places relative（related） to art is built is beneficial to city people. Citizens would increase the cultured（cultural） quality because more change to contact the museum and music performance due to abundance of places are built. There has a fitting example, my city begin to establish more and more music theater （s）these years. Then plenty of people get opportunity to listen （to）classical music instead of pop music. After listening concert my friend and I feel fresh mind and highly quality. Contacting art bring us high step of metal（mental）. For this, government officials need to support the developing（development） of art.

On the other hand, extending recreational facilities is indispensable to development of city. For instance, we can not acquire relive stress after rush work everyday if there is no place we can go to relax. And we are lack of spirit and energy if staying this situation. Then city can not develop faster if their citizen（s） has（have） bad spirit on their job. What is more, people need stronger and healthy （healthier）body. Physical facilities, such as swimming pool serve as a useful place to exercise and render us to healthy. On the whole, people could stay their healthy body and acquire relax by recreation.

To sum up, supporting art museum could
（be）as important as r recreational facilities in that （that）bring us both enhancing mentation and relaxing body（ mentality enhanced and body relaxed 这样是不是好点）.





改好了 ，水平有限，多包涵呀~~

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发表于 2010-9-13 15:32:09 |只看该作者
批改
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发表于 2010-9-13 18:41:37 |只看该作者
buhaoyisi哈~周末没上网！才改完，谢谢你对我作文的批改
辛苦了~
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发表于 2010-9-14 16:29:49 |只看该作者
9月14日交3 m+ ]' J- V( r* i8 R. J
2009.9 25NA do you agree or disagree: having jobs with low paying salary and being high secure is better than jobs with high salary but being easy to lost.

Whether seeking job with low paying salary and high secure is better than the job with high salary but being easy to lost? Some people reveal their inclination that the job with high salary makes they feel few pressure. While other people deem that they possible choose the later job because of higher income, and make them possess luxurious life. As far as I am concerned, they have own merit and flaw. And I would choose these 2 kinds of job in different situations of my life.

On the one hand, the job with high income but have difficult is my best choice before my 35 age years. Since being this kind of job I will acquire more experiences and brings me colorful life. For instance, I have been worked in a company with manage construction , in which i need to pay more attention
and energy on it but I can obtain higher salary than other co-workers who spend their whole time on office with qq, renren farm( computer game online) and so on. I have to aware that this is a high compatible job because if I can not manage the construction I will be quitted. But I am not only adept enough to communicate with different people and manage big construction to benefit from training of high stress work, but also brings colorful life. I can not imagine that spending my youth times on boring work-copy, typing, fax.

On the other hand, this is a sensible decision that changes my job to that kind of relaxed but can not get high salary after my 35 age years. Since I need to focus on my family life. Suppose that. I am a common girl and I will possess my own family with a husband and lovely children. Who should take care these lovely babies and If I am busy my business whole day. There are so many examples shows that children who are lack of education and controlling from parents become bad youth and even embark on the road of degeneration and crime. For this, I choose low income but secure job owing to less stress and much times.

To sum up, these 2 kinds of job have their own characteristics. Different people and situations will create vary choices. Choosing the one is suitable to you is best method.
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发表于 2010-9-15 22:23:58 |只看该作者
改好了，加油(*^__^*) ~~~
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12楼
发表于 2010-9-16 08:33:57 |只看该作者
改好了 去糙取精哈~
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rysf
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发表于 2010-9-21 08:28:48 |只看该作者
9月22日交
09.05.30NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

Do you want to your children study art and music in primary school? Some people reveal their inclination that people who have ever attended study in art or music in their younger age exposes elegant style, than agree with this statement. While other people deem that paying more attention on art and music is a practice of wasting time. As far as I am concerned, younger children need study art and music in primary school, but these kind of study should not become their main course.

Studying art and music bring both relax and cooperation to younger children. To begin with, children acquire relax from art and music. Suppose that, do you feel boring if you study words and math whole day? But, if you add art study between science and math class, you will relief study stress and have more energy on your next science class. What is more, music cultivates younger children ability in cooperation, especially in chorus. For example, chorus is a activity we need cooperative with others. Every child all need excellent finishes their own part of this chorus. Otherwise cannot become full chorus. Children learn both how to cooperative with other people and every one is crucial in group. For this, art and music is indispensable class in study road of younger children.

However, overstate the important of art and music is not a sensible decision. As we all known, learning words and simple knowledge of science is the main propose to younger children. All after, learning how to use word in writing and reading play more important key than learning how to painting and sing the song to almost people. Children will have less improved if they use much time on art and music.

To sum up, i believe that the issue of whether younger people should study art and music in addition to math, science is hinge on the place we put art and music on. what the Younger children should do is to study art and music but do not need pay more attention on them.
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发表于 2010-9-22 15:05:27 |只看该作者
已改好，发不上附件。。。不知道为什么。。

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15楼
发表于 2010-9-22 15:09:04 |只看该作者
9月22日交
09.05.30NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Younger school children (ages five to ten) should be required to study art and music in addition to math, science, history and language.

Do you want to your children study art and music in primary school? Some people reveal their inclination that people who have ever attended study in art or music in their younger age exposes elegant style, than agree with this statement (没明白这句). While other people deem that paying more attention on art and music is a practice of wasting time. As far as I am concerned, younger children need study art and music in primary school, but [url=]these[/url][J1] kind of study should not become their main course.

Studying art and music bring both [url=]relax[/url][J2] and cooperation to younger children. To begin with, children acquire relax from art and music. Suppose that, do you feel boring if you study words and math whole day? But, if you add art study between science and math class, you will [url=]relief[/url][J3] study stress and have more energy on (介词 for 可能会好些) your next science class. What is more, music cultivates younger children ability in cooperation, especially in chorus. For example, chorus is [url=]a[/url][J4] activity we need [url=]cooperative[/url][J5] with others. Every child all needs excellent finishes their own part of this chorus. Otherwise cannot become full chorus. Children learn both how to cooperative with other people and everyone is crucial in the group. For this, art and music is indispensable classes in study road of younger children.

However, overstate the [url=]important[/url][J6] of art and music is not a sensible decision. As we all known, learning words and simple knowledge of science is the main propose [url=]to[/url][J7] younger children. All after, learning how to use word in writing and reading plays more important key than learning how to painting and sing the song to almost people. Children will have be less improved if they use much time on art and music.
（这段还可以扩充一下）

To sum up, I believe that the issue of whether younger people should study art and music in addition to math, science is hinge on the place we put art and music on. What the Younger children should do is to study art and music but do not need pay [url=]more attention on them[/url][J8] .


总体感觉，结构完整，理由比较合理，但是语法错误要注意，譬如词性之间的转换；另外就是有一点，尽量不要在argument里面用 YOU！因为会显得像是在说教，不客观，不容易让人信服。

[J1]this



[J2]relaxation



[J3]relieve v.



[J4]an



[J5]cooperation



[J6]imporatnce



[J7]of



[J8]too much attention on

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1.自我介绍2.你的专业背景和工作经历可以怎么帮助你学习这个项目3.职业规划4.工作中遇到的困难，你是如何应...
The Hong Kong University of Science and Technology
TLE
1.自我介绍2.具体项目相关3.关于本专创业想法
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