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[求助] 丁满的作文贴~看得到的进步！ [复制链接]

cyanidin
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楼主

发表于 2010-11-16 18:16:22 |只看该作者

唉。。。。。交作业交的太不及时了。。。。表示一定要改正。。。握拳。。。

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cyanidin
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沙发

发表于 2010-11-16 19:49:24 |只看该作者

When recount our history,we will never surprise to discovery that the events,which happen in the real world,is rarely like what happen in the movies we seen all the time.Good people being rewarded and bad people being punished seems like a fairy tail.At the time, there were some objections to the way that how drama show the world to us.They find the fault with that the story which direct create will give people.espeacilly our youth,a mileading of life.They hold the point of view that we should not always this kind of movies anymore. In my mind,however,I hold the statement that movies and television,should let the world in the story keep in fairness and justic.Many reason could be collected to support this view.

To begin with,as the aspect we must considered,the influence of movie is strong.With the develope of industry,every family get an access to buy a television,and to go to movie house to see a Hollywood blockbuster is no more unachieveable.The movie and TVshow has become a significant way to know this society better.Shall we let the negative emotion to consume our people,or shall we give a ray of light to face the challenge and tocarry on?There seems no choice.As the old saying goes, “the hope, illuminate road's of the life torch. “ Where there is a hope,there is a way.

Beside,though the event sometimes goes to a bad ending,what we still can find is that the darkness always has their destiny,vanish in this world and the spark of human will shine in the sky.We can not determine that the society is always unfair even though the life is hard.Take Bruneau,the advocate of the new system which explain how earth goes，as an example.It no doubt a unfair story,but the theory turn out to be right finally.Truth and love will never die hence the failure is temporal.How could we

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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cyanidin
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板凳

发表于 2010-11-16 19:49:37 |只看该作者

写不下去了。。。球拍。、

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cyanidin
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地板

发表于 2010-11-17 18:33:24 |只看该作者

好几次没有人理了。。。

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嘉木香草
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5楼

发表于 2010-11-17 22:45:08 |只看该作者

本帖最后由嘉木香草于 2010-11-17 22:46 编辑

不好意思丁满，今天上了一天课，刚刚改好，那个综合你是不是还没交呀？
When recount our history,we will never surprise to discovery that the events,which happen in the real world,is rarely like what happen in the movies we (seen) all the time.Good people being rewarded and bad people being punished seems like a fairy tail.At the time, there were some objections to the way that how drama show the world to us.
They find the fault with that the story which direct (create)
created will give people.espeacilly our youth,a
(mileading) misleading of life.They hold the point of view that (we should not always this kind of movies anymore)中间是不是落了个动词？. In my mind,however,I hold the statement that movies and television,should let the world in the story keep in fairness and
(justic) justice.Many (reason)
reasons
could be collected to support this view.

To begin with,as the aspect we must (considered) 为什么用过去式？,the influence of movie is strong.With the (develope) development of industry,every family (get)gets/got an access to buy a television,and to go to movie house to see a Hollywood blockbuster is no more unachieveable.The movie and TVshow has become a significant way to know this society better.Shall we let the negative (emotion) emotions to consume our people,or(shall we give a ray of light to face the challenge and tocarry on)?这句看不懂There seems no choice.As the old saying goes, “the hope, illuminate road's of the life torch. “ Where there is a hope,there is a way.
, U l# R. D! h* B9 a9 t; B
(Beside)besides,though the event sometimes goes to a bad ending,what we still can find is that the darkness always has their destiny,vanish in this world and the spark of human will shine in the sky.We can not （determine）下决心？决定？还是断定？不懂不懂 that the society is always unfair even though the life is hard.Take Bruneau,the advocate of the new system which explain how earth goes，as an example.(It) it is no doubt (a)
an unfair story,but the theory turn
turns out to be right finally.（Truth and love will never die hence the failure is temporal.）这个好像没什么特别的因果关系How could we

l 第一段给出自己观点之前感觉说的有点多，看多最后一句才看明白你的观点，建议可以把个人观点先阐述，然后对比其他人的，把个人观点前的部分放到后面写

l 文章整体预言还有逻辑的水平很高，值得我学习，但是会有些小错误可能会给文章打折，既然咱技艺都这么高超了，就细心点嘛

l 还有就是耐心啦~~复习过程中必然会出现烦躁，倦惫的状态，关键是如果渡过这些时期，借用老余的一句话“再坚持不下去的时候再坚持一下，你就成功了。”再写了3段的情况下再写一段，你就写完了~~呵呵，是不是托福已经考过了的呀？

TOEFL is a game

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cyanidin
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6楼

发表于 2010-11-18 21:36:23 |只看该作者

按时完成~哈哈~

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haroraikkonen
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7楼

发表于 2010-11-19 09:47:51 |只看该作者

What is the most significant aspect while we(去掉we） choosing a job？High salary ,more vocation,or something else?While many people tend tochoose the（去掉the） high salary but less vacation job resulting from
that they couldhave a high quality life as well as from that even the high salary job they canstill(still和as well as 重复了，删掉一个比较好） have time to having（改成have a） sleep and eating（enjioy比较好） food, I hold my mind on the view thatvacation time are more valuable .Many reasons could collect to support myoption.

To begin with,a job with more vacation time provide apossibility to learn more things you do interested in.In tody （today‘s是这个词组吗）society,the wordsalways been heard is “if I got a leisure time,I will learn…” The things（复数名次前面不加the） iswhat
they always want to do but neverever have a time to do.Like learn a forgin language,learn a software ,learn howto make a good photo,learn a musical instrument they dream of in childhood.They will never have a time to do the（去掉） things which can make themselves happy until the endof their life were coming（去掉比较好）.
Why do we live in this world?For money,for glory,for profit?I can not agree with that .In my perspective, The meaning of our life is to pursuehappiness.Just think, will a man who leave a huge amount money but never dosomething was unconerned mony be happy?The answer is superfical.Money isnothing but a tool to make our happy.If we lose a happy heart while we concentrate（改成concentrating） on money,we （加上will）lose the turemeaning of make a profit.

Furthermore Someone do not believe the recession isover,bussinessses are not
hiring andstock marker has been stuck in neuteal.They point out that they must got a highsalary job,which may have few vocation time,to pay for solar tex and survive inthis winter of economic.What they did not noticed is that if you got a job thathas a lot of time belong
to you own,youcould get a part time job which will definitely bring you more money than whatyou get from only one company.That means,you can control your money and time.Ifyou do have a difficult （改成problem比较好）in your finance,do not worry,just have a part timejob.

While some opponent find fault with that low salary can notensure a high quality life, first
we shouldbetter to do（水平有限，这个用法没看到过） is to
make clear(改成figure out)whata high quality life is .In my mind , a high quality life must include these facet（facets）, enough time tocompany （貌似有with）your family,enough time to develope your hobby and enough money pay fora meal.We can not just define “quality life” based on one aspect.Just like whatmentioned one minute ago,happiness is
top-drawer.

Everyone knew ,to be happy is （加上what）they are fighting for.But sometime we just forget the true purpose when weare fighting for our dream..Whether A job with more vacation time is better than a jobwith high salary but less vacation time. Thisis （改成It is 比较好）thetime to think about it.

你的文章逻辑清晰，论点鲜明，语言上小错误有点多，少一点会更加完美哦
我要多向你学习啊，我就是写不出来那么好的论点嗯。。。

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cyanidin
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8楼

发表于 2010-11-19 22:15:38 |只看该作者

谢谢楼上啊！！
嘿嘿

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cyanidin
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9楼

发表于 2010-11-19 22:19:00 |只看该作者

见过一次了，上次就没憋出来。。。

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edmant
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10楼

发表于 2010-11-20 08:46:02 |只看该作者

How to knowing more about humans? To read more history about human’s; To（to） search more fossil in remote antiquity; To（to） find more article(articles) human made.
When it is come to observing and studying animals’ behavior to learn more about human, there is always a hot debate.
Many people think studying animal is just a way to waste time for human is unique and animal can not compare with human begings(beings).这句话错啦，有两个谓语。
But in my mind, I dare not to agree with that kind of opinion.
In my perspective, observing and studying animals’ behavior is a vital way to know more about humans. Many reasons could be collecting to suppeot（support） this point of view.
To begin with, human is nothing but a kind of animal. What we must know is that we are mammal, just like all mammal（mammals） we acquainted. Cattle, sheep, horse and so on. So we should admit through observe animal, which are similar with human, we can get more information (informations) (+what) we need. Indeed, scientist have already use animal to test new medical, or something else, to ensure safety. Hance(hence), we could easily draw a conclusion that animal do a favor to know more about ourselves.我觉得，你的表达挺通顺，看得明白，但是我觉得你的例证正是不够power
Moreover, the most accept theory, which are（is also most reasonable, is Darwinism. In this theory, Darwin mentioned(mentioned) that human are evolution by animal. That means, if we want know more about our ancestor, the key is to know more about animal. We can not find man’s fossil in all period, maybe, but we can easily find a(an) animal which keep their hobit(应该是habit) in ancient time. In stead of searching for a fossil, we can observe the behavior of a primate at first. Observing and studying animals’ behavior will help us save more money and time through the process we explore the history of human’s.
“Do what you can, with what you have” Just like the old saying goes. While we stuck in the difficult to find more material about human’s(humans), tend to animal, we will get a surprise. Without doubt, Observing and studying animals’ behavior are useful for knowing more about humans.
语句很通顺，较短了点，加多一点例证。

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cyanidin
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11楼

发表于 2010-11-20 21:55:47 |只看该作者

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chenyyalex UID: 2511781 chenyyalex 当前离线最后登录 2021-10-19 在线时间 879 小时寄托币 6345 声望 78 注册时间 2008-7-5 阅读权限 5 帖子 42 精华 0 积分 4008 UID 2511781 禁止发言声望 78 寄托币 6345 注册时间 2008-7-5 精华 0 帖子 42 主页发消息	12楼发表于 2010-11-21 11:01:05 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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