寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托语言类备考版 › TOEFL考试(IBT)讨论版 › TOEFL(IBT)作业区 › Daily Writing 作业 by cherry_xi

返回列表

查看: 1257|回复: 4

[作文] Daily Writing 作业 by cherry_xi [复制链接]

cherry_xi
UID：2988732

新手上路

Rank: 1

声望: 2
寄托币: 34
注册时间: 2011-1-8
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-2-11 20:54:35 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

2011年2月11号
独立作文
25. It has recently been announced that a large shopping center may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.
  Recently, there is an announcement sticking by our community which wrote a large shopping center willl be built in our neighborhood. Some people worry about a rising price of the articles for the daily life during the modern building established. Some people support this plan. As for me, I definitely pleased this announcement for several reasons.
  The first reason is that there is a much wider choice of options available coming with the shopping center. There are more jobs to choose from, different kinds of companies and types of work such as trade assistant, manager and salesman. The job opportunities will appeal to young people live here marraging, having a child which need a well education situation. All those will promote the neighorhood enviroment more ripening.
  The second reason I agree the center coming will provide convenience to our neighbors. Normally, neighbor doing need to make a long drive into the city. If the shopping center established, the everyday trifle will done in a short time. It is really convenient to the elder people and workers.
  Granted the consumption level will rise, but the shopping center will bring us many benefits. Furthermore,the Chinese inflation is increasing in 3% each year. There is no doubt that the price of articles will go up.
  In summary, a well planned and complete facilities shopping center supplies a convenience and service to the people who live there, increases the economic vibrancy. So, building a shopping center is beneficial to the neighbors.
Word Count: 246
实在憋不出来了= =

已有 1 人评分	寄托币	声望	收起理由
hycqy	+ 10	+ 2	加油！

总评分: 寄托币 + 10 声望 + 2 查看全部投币

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.07.02

回应
0

使用道具举报

内牛满面
UID：2980727

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 4
寄托币: 203
注册时间: 2010-12-23
精华: 0
帖子: 3

沙发

发表于 2011-2-12 11:17:18 |只看该作者

Recently, there is an announcement sticking（stuck） by our community which wrote（read） a large shopping center will be built in our neighborhood. Some people worry about a rising price（price rising） of the articles for the daily life（daily supplies） during（？） the modern building established. Some people support this plan. As for me, I definitely pleased（welcome） this announcement for several reasons.
The first reason is that there is（will be） a much wider choice of options(much more options) available coming with the shopping center. There are（will be） more jobs to choose from, different kinds of companies and types of work such as trade(sale) assistant, manager and salesman. The job opportunities will appeal to young people live(living) here marriaging(getting marriage), having a child which need a well education situation. All those(of these) will promote the neighorhood environment(surrounding) more ripening.
The second reason(is that) I agree the center coming(coming of the center) will provide convenience to our neighbors. Normally, neighbor doing need to make a long drive into the city(neighbors need to make a drive into the city for shopping.). If the shopping center established, the everyday(daily) trifle will done in a short time. It is really convenient to the elder people and workers.
Granted the consumption level will rise, but the shopping center will bring us many benefits. Furthermore,the Chinese inflation is increasing in 3% each year. There is no doubt that the price of articles will go up.(这一段实在让人摸不到头脑……我理解是想凑字数……)
In summary, a well-planned and complete facilities shopping center supplies a（去掉） convenience and service to the people who live there, increases the economic vibrancy. So, building a shopping center is beneficial to the neighbors.

使用道具举报

内牛满面
UID：2980727

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 4
寄托币: 203
注册时间: 2010-12-23
精华: 0
帖子: 3

板凳

发表于 2011-2-12 11:22:58 |只看该作者

从文章里看出作者写作时很用心的，但是非常吃力，推荐作者去仔细看看“李笑来185篇例文”，新概念2、3册，甚至背诵一些来做一些基础性的练习，诸如英汉互译等等，也可以学到如何组织语言，解决无话可说的问题。可能提高会比较明显吧，比直接上来谢文章更有帮助。拙见，请包涵。谢谢。

使用道具举报

cherry_xi
UID：2988732

新手上路

Rank: 1

声望: 2
寄托币: 34
注册时间: 2011-1-8
精华: 0
帖子: 0

地板

发表于 2011-2-12 17:43:05 |只看该作者

谢谢，辛苦了。

使用道具举报

henryguowencong
UID：2992585

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 3
寄托币: 288
注册时间: 2011-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 3

5楼

发表于 2011-2-13 21:51:32 |只看该作者

细节的地方我就不改了你好像写的也不是那天的题目呃不过没关系
你说的字数不够的问题，我看过之后感觉是段中句间的关系把握的问题
比如第一个理由缺少了说理的段落，虽然也可以放在例子里说，但是理归理，例归例的话应该不会纠结于字数不够了；第二段则是例子部分的举例可能不够细致，比如你可以做一些建成和建好后的对比；第三个理由其实你没说明白，只是说了通胀，本来是个很好的点，可惜没交待清楚之间的关系：通胀需要扩大内需，而SUPERMARKET正好可以促进消费，云云
把上面几点补充完整，字数就够了

最后说声抱歉啊，最近忙不过来，所以拖了两天才改请多多包涵！

使用道具举报