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3# tcwh6688
Do you agree or not with following statement: most people solve their important problems by themselves or with the help from their families; the help from government is not necessary.
The life (If you use 'the', the noun should be specific or non-ambiguous, e.g. 'the life of <someone>', 'the life of a human being'. If you want to use 'life' as a collective, generic noun, it should be without any article.), it seems, is filled with a great variety of problems waiting to be solved. Some problems, relatively personal, can be handled through constantly effort by individuals. Nevertheless, when it comes to those complex ones involved more aspects, resorting to the government (Here you can't use 'government' as a collective noun because that would mean 'any government and/or all governments'. I know it might be hard to understand when to and not to use 'the', but for now just remember this is how it is used.) is supposed to be the only and best option, for its (What is this 'it'? The 'option'?) stronger influence and power.
It is plausible that people may pride of their independence in disposing of varieties of issues by themselves. However, if we examine such a statement carefully, we will definitely find it far from the truth. In fact, the help from the Government has permeated everywhere in people’ lives, from basic necessities to maintaining public order. Without a government, people can never be able to conceive of a normal life, not to mention well-being (But pre-historic people survived pretty well without much of a government..). The help from government is even as small as controlling the price of food in market (It might seem small but it isn't so, really..), as big as assuring the security of the whole society. For instance, Yangyang, a three years old boy, was kidnapped when he was playing in the yard of our community last year. After disappearance of several hours, the boy’s parents were aware of what had happened. They almost find every possible place (You mean, they 'searched' every possible place..), but nothing. The boy’ father finally resorted to the Police, hoping to get his son back. One month later, the boy was finally found in a remote outskirt through a hard investigation by policemen. Owed to the police (This is not a complete sentence.), otherwise the boy might never be able to see his parents again. Consequently, the help from the government is quite necessary. (Well. But if a kid can be kidnapped out of his own yard in broad daylight, isn't that quite an indicatioin that social security is no good and the government is not really doing its job well? Especially when you said that the government is helping to assure 'the security of the whole society'? Think carefully about how you phrase your example and your statements so it at least doesn't crash back on itself.)
Furthermore, apparently, the government has more advantages to help people get out of plights than by people themselves in the same situation, for having more funding and stronger influence. For instance, in some regions, a great many children cannot receive the basic education, because they are born in poor families. With rare exceptions, they never have the chance to improve their lives. Unless they have the opportunity to learn knowledge to change their lives, those children would have difficulties finding decent jobs and making a decent life. In this case, only can the government offer the most efficient way to solve this issue, rather than rely on their own ability. The government built (Now I'm all confused by your use of tense. Are you describing a general situation, or are you describing an actual event that had happened?) a new school for those children and let them have class without charge. Plus, the needy facilities would receive subsidies to some extent offered by the government. With the help from the government, those children not only have the opportunity to turn to be someone?? but are able to do contribute to their hometown after growing up as well. Therefore, it is necessary to gain the help from the government (Well. Again, a lot of such schools are not built with funding from the local governments but rather funds from charities..the local government is involved mostly because of administration rights. But I'm not saying this to contend your writing. This paragraph is well written.)
To sum up, the government serves people, protects people, supervises people (This, you never talk about in the essay.), is a powerful support and back?? to people. Thus, people are by not means able to live without the help from government. (If you compare this with the question it should be easy to see how far you're off..the question is about whether government help is necessary for important problems, not whether people can or cannot live without government help..)
总结:
你的语言功底其实不错,就是冠词和有时会出现很拗口的类直翻的表达,请注意一下。
论述方面,把你结论段的最后一句话和问题放在一起,应该就很容易看出来了。。你全篇都在注重government help是不是necessary,但是问题是有important problems这个限制的。。你在开头段里只是提了一下complex,然后就再也没点过这个方面。虽然你的例子举得很恰当,但是因为你没点到题目这一点,造成你最后并没有支持到题目多少。。所以请注意全面地点题。。 |
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