[求助] 求助呀！第一次，列提纲，写作文花了两个小时 [复制链接]

sandara0307
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-8-1 16:28:55 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

第一次写作文列提纲，不限时的写，用来两个小时，真的要憋死了。感觉虽然列了提纲还是说不出什么啊。贴出来给大家看看，我的水平真的很萎，但是为了知道问题，我也要直面！
  题目是：Do you agree or disagree with the following statement:It's better to use one's own knowlegde and experience to solve problems than ask other people for advice.
  下面是我的文章。未满300字

Asking other people for advice to solve the problem is really a good idea to study.When I was in middle school,my math was so bad.Once I faced some problems that I don’t know,I asked my classmates or teachers immediately.I find it is much more convenient than solving problems by your own knowledge,and ask others can save time to do other things.However,asking other people
for advice makes people less independent to solve problems by themselves than before.Although I work out the math problem with others’ help, I still can’t solve the problem when I faced it again.

Admittedly,using one’s own knowledge and experience to solve problems has obvious disadvantages:it markedly spend a lot of time on the one and only problem. What’s worse people still can’t solve the problems with a whole day thinking.Although the advantages of using one’s own knowledge and experience,it have some benefits.When I facing some problems in my life,my parents often give me advices,but they never make decisions for me.Because there are still many similar problems in my future,solving the problem by my own knowledge and experience will enomously help me to solve the problems better in the future and it is a good way to gain new knowledges and experiences.Although others’ advices solve problems quickly, you’ll have no idea to deal with the problems all by yourself,because you have no opportunity to use your own knowledge and experience.

To me,the disadvantages of using one’s own knowledge and experience to solve the problem look pale when compared with the disadvantages of asking other people for advice.More importantly,using one’s knowledge and experience to solve problems.I can deal well with the problems.Therefore I prefer using one’s own knowledge and experience to solve problems.

  有问题只管说吧，我做好准备了。多谢

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Jay2
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沙发

发表于 2011-8-1 17:05:41 |只看该作者

我英语很烂..
托福也很烂..
我不会改..
但我知道一些问题..

1 你的文章太口语化，连一个that which都见不到，不是说一定要有，但感觉就是口语对白
2 文章思维混乱，美国人是看不懂中国式作文的，你这样又说这个好，又说那个好，最后又说其实这个不好，那个虽然不好但其实那个好，这样的模式，老外就是不buy，托福作文不是这样写的。应该集中注意论证自己支持的观点，突出优点，不谈，少谈缺点，突出不支持那方的缺点，不谈他的优点。
3 用词简单了点，说白了就是太口语。
4 因为口语，所以语法也口语了，不够严谨
5 句型单调，好多because哦..

你自己看看第一句和最后一句，矛盾的，英语写作，第一句的论点应该是全文的论点，应该和结尾呼应。
这篇文章，应该上不到20分，1718估计就极限
考虑到中国式太重，论点不明确，等问题，15分倒应该是有的。

这是俺第一次对别人的作文发表意见，说得不好大牛见谅。

同学加油吧，托福真的不容易。

古德拉克

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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prqeabcd
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板凳

发表于 2011-8-1 17:24:58 |只看该作者

这个看的面红心跳推荐楼主把它简单翻译成中文再看看就会发现奥妙了 :)
既然楼主说到提纲就大概说说怎样作提纲吧
楼主选择的观点是支持: 利用自己的经验解决问题比向他人请教好
那么下面就要想原因：为什么好呢？
例如： 1。自己解决节省时间，例如做题，很多题目答案可以从网上查到，自己看了之后就懂了，比起问别人更快
2。自己解决问题可以锻炼能力，因为自己解决的问题会印象深刻，解决过的问题下次再遇到会很快知道答案，或者类似的问题也知道该怎么解决。
3。自己解决问题可以体现自身实力获得更多机会，解决问题能力强的人通常被认为很有能力和智慧，更容易赢得外界的信任，得到更好的工作机会。
综上，自己解决问题好,因为1节省时间，2锻炼能力，3获得更多机会。

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