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[作文故事] 要改作文的同学，请注意。 [复制链接]

ken0405
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2003-8-12 10:42:57 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

大家快快把文章传上来，我改改。
改的不好的地方请多批评。
大家不要跟我枪哟。
知道吧，呵呵？

from cas to purdue

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沙发

发表于 2003-8-12 10:55:00 |只看该作者

哇，这么好啊。感谢感谢！

UA
我说人生哪，如果赏过一回痛哭淋漓的风景，写一篇杜鹃啼血的文章，与一个赏心悦目的人错肩，也就够了。不要收藏美、钤印美，让美随风而逝。生命最清醉的时候，是将万里长江视为一匹白绢，裂帛。(简桢)

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2003-8-12 10:59:15 |只看该作者

是呀是呀
好人呀
看看我的吧

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feier521
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地板

发表于 2003-8-12 13:24:20 |只看该作者

ken 你考完了？考的怎么样啊？
好人一个！

Never,never,never,never give up !!

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5楼

发表于 2003-8-12 13:32:06 |只看该作者

谢谢ken!

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ken0405
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6楼

发表于 2003-8-12 16:48:38 |只看该作者

no 问题
运气好的很
等我写了经验贴出来说。

from cas to purdue

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musemoon
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7楼

发表于 2003-8-12 18:33:37 |只看该作者

那我贴一个

66"As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate."

Whether the technology today helps people to develop their ability of think for themselves is a complex issue—one that might be tied up in the problem of considering what does our modernization on earth bring to human race. However things will not seem to be so complex if we consider three distinct factors that related to: time, efficiency as well as self-retrospection.

In the brutal age, it is the use of tools that release people from staying in the trees and ultimately evolve into the top animals on the earth. Nowadays, the fast development of science and technology marks the birth of a new age, which is dynamic rather than static. In this new age, everything is in constant change, to meet up with the pace of the changing world, people should arm themselves with updated and various knowledge. Thus they won't be defeated and deserted in the fierce competition. From this point of view, time is a key point of success. With the help of modern technology, people could set free from many fussy and meaningless works such as wash dish plates, cooking the meal etc. Thus more time can be spent on studying or entertaining, which will help to be efficiency on people’s work and maybe than have more chance to promote.

Furthermore, technology provides people with effective instruments for intellectual work. The use E-mail, for example, is a milestone of human's communication, which actually makes the world a global village. I have known very few writers, but those I have known, and whom I respect, confess that most of them are getting used to writing on the laptop, which will make their work more smoothly. Isn’t it a good illustration that technology accelerates rather than hinder the ability of creating or, in other word, a way of thinking? In fact, humans never stopped thinking even when their technology attained such strong power as today. All the new technologies are based on the achievements of old ones. Without relying on the former technology invented, people can hardly make further achievements. In fact, with the technology getting more and more sophisticated and advanced, people’s thinking capabilities is increasing.

Admittedly, over emphasize and relay on the effect of modern technology will do more harm than good. A friend of mine, named Chine, get lost in the internet, which made her physically weak for the poor eye-sight and lack of exercise as well as the omit of mutual care with relations around her. Finally lead to a break up of her family, which is a tragedy, that we reluctant to see. So more attention should be paid on how to maximize the effect of modern technology and make full use of it while maintain the awareness of the independence of we human being. Self-retrospection, in some sense, is a good way of avoiding getting lost in today’s world, through which we can see clearly how to promote ourselves a competitive and responsible person to suit the society. However, the deteriorate effect of thinking ability is rather the result of laziness rather than the impact of technology. If we know how to use technology, we will be able to explore further into the unknown world of knowledge and make our life better.

In the coming new age, human survival and development hinge upon a harmony between people and technology. When we are enjoying the convenience of modern technology, the ability of thinking, without which there will no creativity and innovation of society, should not be forgotten.

幕天席地，无忧无虑

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musemoon
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8楼

发表于 2003-8-12 18:37:49 |只看该作者

自己感觉开头强调的三个要素在后面没有太突出,还是不太会用这种写法.
结尾太草.不想写了.
中间的例子也有点生硬.
对了,刚刚发现第二段差一个主题句! 得加上!!
其它得麻烦ken帮我看看谢谢了:)

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9楼

发表于 2003-8-12 19:15:19 |只看该作者

可不可以帮我看看科技与人性的那篇，2天前发的已经沉到3页后了，打击的我都写不下去了，
谢谢先！

the victory will not come to you unless you go to it!

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ken0405
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10楼

发表于 2003-8-12 19:35:33 |只看该作者

humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate."

Whether the technology today helps people to develop their ability of think for themselves is a complex issue—one that might be tied up in the problem of considering what does our modernization on earth bring to human race. However things will not seem to be so complex if we consider three distinct factors that related to: time, efficiency as well as self-retrospection.观点很新鲜哟

In the brutal age（这是贬义的呀）, it is the use of tools that release people from staying in the trees and ultimately evolve into the top animals on the earth. Nowadays, the fast development of science and technology marks the birth of a new age, which is dynamic rather than static. In this new age, everything is in constant change, to meet up with the pace of the changing world, people should arm themselves with updated and various knowledge. Thus they won't be defeated and deserted in the fierce competition. From this point of view, time is a key point of success. With the help of modern technology, people could set free from many fussy and meaningless works such as wash dish plates, cooking the meal etc. Thus more time can be spent on studying or entertaining, which will help to be efficiency on people’s work and maybe than have more chance to promote.（后面再延伸一下会好点的，比如多了时间，人们都用来干吗了，增加了人们的think的时间吗？？人们又取的那些成就）

Furthermore, technology provides people with effective instruments for intellectual work. The use E-mail, for example, is a milestone of human's communication, which actually makes the world a global village. I have known very few writers, but those I have known, and whom I respect, confess that most of them are getting used to writing on the laptop, which will make their work more smoothly. Isn’t it a good illustration that technology accelerates rather than hinder the ability of creating or, in other word, a way of thinking? In fact, humans never stopped thinking even when their technology attained such strong power as today. All the new technologies are based on the achievements of old ones. Without relying on the former technology invented, people can hardly make further achievements. 给你个好例子，天文望远镜的改进发现了宇宙辐射证明了big bang theory的正确性。再有登月，登mars，寻找暗物质等等，In fact, with the technology getting more and more sophisticated and advanced, people’s thinking capabilities is increasing.（不过发现思考和效率有什么关系，你没说！！！改吧）

Admittedly, over emphasize and relay on the effect of modern technology will do more harm than good. A friend of mine, named Chine, get lost in the internet, which made her physically weak for the poor eye-sight and lack of exercise as well as the omit of mutual care with relations around her. Finally lead to a break up of her family, which is a tragedy, that we reluctant to see. （这个例子不好，不合适，再想想，应该是依赖科技使人不独立，比如人们依靠internet解生活上的问题。）（后面说解决办法，不太好吧，范文里我没见过这样的）So more attention should be paid on how to maximize the effect of modern technology and make full use of it while maintain the awareness of the independence of we human being. Self-retrospection, in some sense, is a good way of avoiding getting lost in today’s world, through which we can see clearly how to promote ourselves a competitive and responsible person to suit the society. However, the deteriorate effect of thinking ability is rather the result of laziness rather than the impact of technology（这句是好观点，可以用来做这个段）. If we know how to use technology, we will be able to explore further into the unknown world of knowledge and make our life better.

In the coming new age, human survival and development hinge upon a harmony between people and technology. When we are enjoying the convenience of modern technology, the ability of thinking, without which there will no creativity and innovation of society, should not be forgotten.
继续加油，很容易看懂，比较clear，很好
还需要改进的。加油吧。

from cas to purdue

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musemoon
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11楼

发表于 2003-8-13 17:58:20 |只看该作者

真心谢谢ken的意见~! 我也觉得自己的论据太贫乏了一些.恩,继续努力!

幕天席地，无忧无虑

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musemoon
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12楼

发表于 2003-8-13 18:06:27 |只看该作者

在写作中常常还碰到这样的问题.如果套用自己收集的句子或者结构,有时会显得很生硬,上下文不流畅,但是单个的句子感觉很好.而按照自己原始的想法去写,就会担心表达不地道,或者是用词简单以及结构单一 :( 很苦恼.不知道多练习之后会不会好些,考试就在眼前了...

幕天席地，无忧无虑

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yellowchildren
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13楼

发表于 2003-8-13 18:14:39 |只看该作者

我也放这儿好了。。。

Issue167
It's impossible for an effective political leader to tell the truth all the time.Complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician.

An effective political leader must be responsible for people and nation,thus he or she should make the most efforts to be honest at most times as possible as he or she can.But the complexity of politics determined that it is impossible for an effective political leader to tell the truth all the time.For this reason，although honesty is a laudable virtue,complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician.

Honesty is a valuable virtue which should be advocated and affirmed.Only when people who constitute society become honest,A society with sincerity could be established and the numbers in society could be trusted each other.An Political leader is a part of numbers in society,so he or she should try his or her best to be honest.As an example of Sars that spreads through the world not long ago,an political leader of any coutries should tell the truth about up-to-date conditions of disease,which embody his or her responsibility to people and nation.By telling the truth,he or she can get trust and support from people,which benefits to the management of nation.

Though honesty,to an political leader,is a virtue that should be advocated,it's only at most times,not all the time.At one time,a political leader,as a public personage,don't tell the truth in order to safeguard good public image.Telling the truth would disgrace him or her,which will damage his or her image in eyes of people.What Cliton,the former president of America,did in Lewinsky case is a good example.But his behaviour in the Lewinsky case,didn't deny that he who creat economic continuing increase in his periods of holding a post is an effective political leader.The lie like this makes little effects on society and did not reduce his supporting rate.But at other occasions,the situation is opposite,Because the complicated politics which contains the struggles among various parties is not simple thing as people think,it is impossible for an effective political leader to tell the truth all the time. In Watergate,Nixon representing Republican party cover the truth for the sake of winning in the election of president,eventually he obtained overwhelming victory which proves his effectiveness.But when truth of accident is disclosed,he had to resign in 1974 because of the entire lost of trust from people ,and the effection of the whole accident on society is tremendous,which induced the crisis in trust of people towards govenment.The result of 1974 poll about how much faith people believe in the govenment proved the point.

For the above reason,though the virtue of honest,for a effective political leader,is benefit to individual and country,complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician.For example,in the election of president,every candidate exaggerates his own advantages and faults of others in order to win.Complete honesty means the lack of competitiveness,so complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician.

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ihaveadream
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14楼

发表于 2003-8-13 20:08:07 |只看该作者

也帮俺看看吧，谢谢了！

Issue 3
It is more important to allocate money for immediate, existing social proble
ms than to spend it on long-term research that might help future generations

The statement above is somewhat misleading in that it fails to understand th
e relation between long-term aims and current tasks as a whole system. Seemi
ngly incompatible as they are, existing problems and long-term research supp
lement each other in a sense. What we are supposed to do is to keep a delibe
rate balance between them rather than over-emphasize either side.

Existing social problems require urgent solutions since they occur immediate
ly in modern society and have direct influences on people's daily lives, suc
h as unemployment, pollution, social crimes, etc.. Consider, for example, wh
en a river is contaminated by heavy metals discharged from a electroplate fa
ctory nearby, all the habitants downstream are deprived of clean water resou
rce and suffer from the stench. What is important then is to allocate enough
money for wastewater treatment, otherwise not only water resource shortage
will be aggravated, but probably evoke dissatisfication among people and wea
kenness of social stability, on which the long-term projects are based. Ther
efore, successful solutions of current social problems are of great importan
ce to the welfare of the public and also the prerequisite for the accomplish
ment of blue print in the long run.

Nevertheless, over-consideration of the task at present causes short sight a
nd failure to take long views about sustainable development of the society a
s a whole . Firstly, most immediate problems are usually superficial above t
he substantial mechanism. Further study of the instance of river pollution a
bove tells us where the essential reason lies in. It is not owe to the heavy
metals, but the underdevelopment of productive process that contributes to
the incidence. Only long-term researches aiming at cleaner production can er
adicate the pollutants. Secondly, some tasks that appears urgent may be of i
nsignificance if put into a whole system of view. With the rapid development
of economy in some developing countries, a great deal of luxury hotels and
villas are built to cater the hedonics of the wealthy. These funds will cont
ribute nothing but to extravagant luxury which helps nothing but to hinder f
urther development of social economy and accelerating of the degeneration of
individuals.

Long-term projects play a decisive role in development of human society. It
is owed to painstaking researches in life sciences that we are free of the m
enace of many diseases incurable in the past. Though more time-consuming and
highly-costs than the expediences for the current problems, these studies a
re to find the most effective solutions for them.
It is must be admitted that the two aspects are sometimes in conflict with e
ach other, especially under funds limitation. In some impoverished countries
in African, where people are threatened by famine and malaria, the necessit
ies of long-term projects such as infrastructure, high-tech research, etc.,
are much less than that of soluting the immediate problems. But it does not
mean that long-term researches make no sense in these countries.

Neglection of the existing social problems will lead our lives entangled and
frustrated; neglection of the long-term researches will confuse our aims fo
r the future. Thus, the two aspects must be reconciled soundly so as to keep
sustainable development of the society.

（510words or so）

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ken0405
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15楼

发表于 2003-8-14 00:36:02 |只看该作者

Issue167
It's impossible for an effective political leader to tell the truth all the time.Complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician.
先自己用word看看，很多错误，标点！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！
An effective political leader must be responsible for people and nation,thus he or she should make the most efforts to be honest at most times as possible as he or she can.But the complexity of politics determined that it is impossible for an effective political leader to tell the truth all the time.For this reason，although honesty is a laudable virtue,complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician.

Honesty is a valuable virtue which should be advocated and affirmed. Only when people who constitute society become honest,（？）A society with sincerity could be established and the numbers in society could be trusted each other.An Political leader is a part of numbers in society,so he or she should try his or her best to be honest.As an example of Sars that spreads through the world not long ago, an political leader of any coutries should tell the truth about up-to-date conditions of disease,which embody his or her responsibility to people and nation.By telling the truth,he or she can get trust and support from people,which benefits to the management of nation. 这段的分析有点散，先说人都要有honesty，再普及到leader，而后又说honesty对leader的作用。是不是有点过了？？？？？？？？

Though honesty, to an political leader, is a virtue that should be advocated, it's only at most times, not all the time. At one time,a political leader,as a public personage,don't tell the truth in order to safeguard good public image.Telling the truth would disgrace him or her,which will damage his or her image in eyes of people.What Cliton,the former president of America,did in Lewinsky case is a good example.（你这不是说要撒慌吗？？什么呀，枪毙掉！，给点思路给你：国防啊，老百姓不可能问什么就知道什么）But his behaviour in the Lewinsky case,didn't deny that he who creat economic continuing increase in his periods of holding a post is an effective political leader.The lie like this makes little effects on society and did not reduce his supporting rate.But at other occasions,the situation is opposite,Because the complicated politics which contains the struggles among various parties is not simple thing as people think,it is impossible for an effective political leader to tell the truth all the time. （你是说不能完全诚实咯，可是你的nixon后面怎么又变成要诚实了？）In Watergate,Nixon representing Republican party cover the truth for the sake of winning in the election of president,eventually he obtained overwhelming victory which proves his effectiveness.But when truth of accident is disclosed,he had to resign in 1974 because of the entire lost of trust from people ,and the effection of the whole accident on society is tremendous,which induced the crisis in trust of people towards govenment.The result of 1974 poll about how much faith people believe in the govenment proved the point. 这段问题很大，老外可是最反感老外的哟！！！！！！！！！！！！！

For the above reason,though the virtue of honest,for a effective political leader,is benefit to individual and country,complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician.For example,in the election of president,every candidate exaggerates his own advantages and faults of others in order to win.Complete honesty means the lack of competitiveness,so complete honesty is not a useful virtue for a politician.
请注意issue的结构问题！！！！！！！！！！！
一段不要太长了。

from cas to purdue

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