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[作文] daily writing ~~jackieydan 作文帖。求狠拍，求批改。。 [复制链接]

jackieydan
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-10-8 15:51:07 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 jackieydan 于 2011-10-9 09:32 编辑

負責任地對待自己，同樣地對待每一篇文章~
謝謝各位寄託戰友！！！

10·08 【綜合第一篇，初稿】

本帖最后由 jackieydan 于 2011-10-8 23:25 编辑

Agree or disagree? If children want to do well in school, parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies.
With the development of the television industry, our lives are filled with various kinds of TV programs and movies. They may help adults relax after a whole day of hardworking. However, what is the impact they have on the teenage students who cannot control the time and energy that are spent on them? As far as I am concerned, children who want to do well in school must pay enough time on it, as well as have a proper learning and think ability. Therefore their parents should help them limit the hours of watching TV and movies. And I will demonstrate my opinion in the following paragragh.

Firstly, children are easily to be addicted in watching TV programs or movies. Since those programs offer them an agreeable and comfortable atmosphere by providing an interesting topic or inviting some famous stars which are more attractive than their studies or homework, they may watch one after another even without noticing the time has gone, and it will absolutely decrease the time they focus on studying. When I was young in middle school, I used to be seated in front of the television for a whole day during the summer or winter holidays, and the homework had to be finished on the last three or four days. Undoubtedly, a golden holiday was wasted due to the TV programs once more.

Secondly, according to a recent survey, it can be learnt that watching TV has a detrimental effect on children’s learning, reading, especially thinking ability. The experts found that TV programs or movies appeared one scene after anothers compactly, which left the children no time to think about what would happen next. Finally, they will be accustomed to be told what will happen and lose critical thinking ability. Hence, the watching time ought to be limited.

What’s worse, so much time on watching TV programs or movies also hurts both eyes and health of the children. Without a healthy body, how could we expect them do well in their school?

However, just as I have said above, the TV programs and movies can help adults relax and recharge themselves, young children also need this kind of procedure. Nowadays, the pressure young children get in school may not be less than we have in society. While they don’t have any other better way to reduce except by watching some amusing programs, if the time they spend on TV can be will controlled，they still have the chance to enjoy some easily and happy hour in front of the TV set every day. What’s more, we shouldn’t ignore the fact that children can absorb a large amount of knowledge through it.

All in all, taking into account all those factors we discuss above, we could safely arrive at a conclusion that parents should help limit the watching time to an appropriate length due to the negative effects and the lack of children’ possessiveness.
第一篇作文，求各位大仙兒修改！

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xiaoniao123
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板凳

发表于 2011-10-9 10:38:42 |只看该作者

2# jackieydan 作业改好了，请下载！

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jackieydan
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地板

发表于 2011-10-10 22:34:02 |只看该作者

The professor in the lecture revises the idea in the reading material that wood companies will feel it is unnecessary to get the ecocertifications because it does no good on thrir product selling. And he demonstrates his point with the following reasons.
Firstly, he states that consumers don't treat all the advertisements in the same way, and they will pay attention and trust some certifications offered by independent organizations which hold a good international reputation. It just challenges the notion in the reading passage that American consumers won't care about and trust the ecocertifications.
Secondly, the professor mentions that when the difference between products are small[ less than 5 percent], American consumers will chose which one to buy not only depending on the prices, but also some other things such as their effects on the environment. This statement refuses that the “ecocertified” products’ high price will keep consumers away.
Finally, he says that if the wood companies don't keep up with the development in the rest of world, their native consumers will also be attracted by the foreign companies. Therefore it is easily can be seen the idea that wood companies will not be impacted by it if they only want to sell their products in America is wrong.
誠心求批改~

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jackieydan
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5楼

发表于 2011-10-11 23:38:18 |只看该作者

10·11 綜合
Do you agree with the following statement? In a team, those who do not accept others’ criticism cannot succeed.
Nowadays, with the development of our society, it is becoming more and more frequently that we need to work with others together as a team. Therefore, everyone may get some criticism from their partners. It is believed by many people that those who do not accept other’s criticism cannot succeed. And as far as I am concerned, I cannot agree with this opinion more. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.
From the perspective of the whole team, if you do not accept other’s criticism when you really make some mistakes, then you may make some even huge and terrible mistakes and they will undoubtedly affect the whole project that you are focusing on. In addition, if you always refuse other’s sincerely criticism, gradually, they do not want to work with you, which may have a detrimental effect on the both the team and you. Finally, you will be separated by others, and never get the chance to succeed in the team. My brother is a talent person who is full of inspiring ideas in mind all the time. However, as a leader, he never cared about other team members’ criticism and even disputed with his best friends over it. So half years later, all of his stuff left him and some unfinished productions..
From the personal perspective, refusing to accept others’ criticism is harmful for your development. Since it can help you find your shortages and turn to a better direction directly. If not, you will easily be confined in your own world. On the other hand, if you think the criticism from others is incorrect, you can share your ideas with them but not just reject it immediately. Reacting in that way helps you leave a better impression on others as well as create a harmonious atmosphere in your team, which may push you towards your dreaming destination resultfully.
All in all, taking account in what we have talked above, it is very clear that those who do not accept others’ criticism in a team cannot succeed.

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6楼

发表于 2011-10-12 06:44:25 |只看该作者

那个……主要是现在的题目我都写过了……所以就擅自找题目了~以上~

冷暖自知，童话换一个角度发生

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7楼

发表于 2011-10-12 16:27:33 |只看该作者

5# jackieydan

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2012 Fall

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8楼

发表于 2011-10-12 18:01:26 |只看该作者

10·11 綜合
Do you agree with the following statement? In a team, those who do not accept others’ criticism cannot succeed.0 J4 ?8 i8 N" p7 r3 A2 u& w
Nowadays, with the development of our society, it is becoming more and more frequently that we need to work with others together as a team（开头句套话排名之首，这句话美国佬应该都能背出来啦~）. Therefore,（没有明确的逻辑关系，像强加上的关联词） everyone may get some criticism from their partners. It is believed by many people that those who do not accept other’s criticism cannot succeed. And as far as I am concerned, I cannot agree with this opinion more. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.

From the perspective of the whole team, if you do not accept other’s criticism when you really make some mistakes, then you may make some even （有 even more 这个说法）huge and terrible mistakes and they will undoubtedly affect the whole project that you are focusing on. In addition, if you always refuse other’s sincerely criticism, gradually, they do not want to work with you, which may have a detrimental effect on the（删） both the team and you（yourself）. Finally, you will be separated by（被孤立，是isolated么？separated 不是孤立） others, and never get the chance to succeed in the team（被孤立就不会成功？应该是be accepted by colleges in the firm）. (For instance,) My brother is a talent(ed) person who is full of inspiring ideas in mind all the time (累赘了inspiring多半是指引人灵感的事物吧，innovative更好). However,（过于强烈的转折，此处应无转折，删） as a leader, he never cared about other team members’ criticism and even disputed with his best friends over it（感觉有些无关）. So half years（？half a year） later, all of his stuff left him and(with ) some unfinished productions.

From the personal perspective, refusing to accept others’(加个adj. well-intentioned可能更好 ) criticism is harmful for（to） your development. Since it can help you find your shortages and turn to a better direction directly. If not, you will easily be confined in your own world. On the other hand, if you think the criticism from others is incorrect（or improper）, you can share your ideas with them but not just(rather than) reject it immediately. Reacting in that way helps you leave a better impression on others as well as create(creating) a harmonious atmosphere in your team, which may push you towards your dreaming destination (final goals and accomplish your ambitions) resultfully（无此词）.

All in all, taking account in what we have talked above, it is very clear that those who do not accept others’ criticism in a team cannot succeed.（仓促的结尾，有照抄题目的嫌疑~。结尾应该总结上述自己的观点以及）

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9楼

发表于 2011-10-12 22:30:06 |只看该作者

10月12日 20100522NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.
Nowadays, with the advance of our society and network technique, people in many different industries have the chance to finish their work at home using the computers or telephones. This phenomenon has aroused a discussion that if it is better than working in the office. As far as I am concerned, I agree that working at homing provides more benefits for both the companies and the stuffs. Now I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.
Firstly, working at home leaves us a more free time schedule. Therefore, we will never need to get up early even when the sun is still asleep, have the opportunity to decide when and where to accomplish the jobs only if we are sure that we can hand it in before the deadline, as well as enjoy more time with our family members. What’s more, the working environment at home will be more comfortable and relaxed than that in the office. Considering all ascendency I have mention above, the staffs will become more efficient and hardworking. Just imaging having a nap on your big bed or drinking a cup of coffee made by yourself during the unfixed office hours, how enjoyable will the work be.
In addition, working at home saves stuffs’ on and off work traffic time.and may also benefit our traffic system. According to a recent investigation, the times people spend on traffic are no less than for percent of their working hours every day. So this action will obviously improve the status. What’s more, working at home allows the companies spending the huge amount of money which ought to be used for renting or building the offices on investing new projects. Undoubtedly, stuffs will support it since it is a perfect to increase the companies’ income.
Indeed, someone insist that working in the office still has its own advantages, such as we can communicate with our colleagues directly or some urgent work may be arranged immediately. However, we have already had the facility with which we can hold a meeting or discussion .face to face with our workmates. Keeping up with the pace of the technique’s development will surely supply our more appropriate choice to live a comfortable life.
Consequently, taking into account what we have discussed above, we can easily get the conclusion that working at home is better than that in the office.

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kovi
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10楼

发表于 2011-10-13 01:07:04 |只看该作者

10月12日 20100522NA Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Working at home using computers or telephones is better than working in the office.7 t1 Z7 Y: C4 S# n4 g( w+ P
Nowadays, with the advance of our society and network technique, people in many different industries have the chance to finish their work at home using the computers or telephones. This phenomenon has aroused a discussion that if it is better than working in the office. As far as I am concerned, I agree that working at homing provides more benefits for both the companies and the stuffs. Now I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs
.( R [! x. R2 W8 u1 k
Firstly, working at home leaves us a more free time schedule. Therefore, we will never need to get up early even when the sun is still asleep, have the opportunity to decide when and where to accomplish the jobs only if we are sure that we can hand it in before the deadline, as well as enjoy more time with our family members. What’s more, the working environment at home will be more comfortable and relaxed(这个单词可以换成enjoyable) than that in the office. Considering all ascendency I have mention above, the staffs will become more efficient and hardworking. Just imaging having a nap on your big bed or drinking a cup of coffee made by yourself during the unfixed office hours, how enjoyable will the work be.（我觉得这最后一句可以放在前面,强调逻辑性,最后直接总结）

In addition, working at home saves stuffs’ on and off work traffic time.and may also benefit our traffic system. According to a recent investigation, the times people spend on traffic are no less than for percent of their working hours(直接改成on working ) every day. So this action will obviously improve the status. What’s more, working at home allows the companies spending（改成saving） the huge amount of money which ought to be used for renting or building the offices on investing new projects. Undoubtedly, stuffs will support it since it is a perfect to increase the companies’ income(我觉得这段的逻辑有点问题,改下语序会更好。)
. 7 l1 U* q' x4 `) S
Indeed, someone insist that working in the office still has its own advantages, such as we can communicate with our colleagues directly or some urgent work may be arranged immediately. However, we have already had the facility (这里可以强调下在电脑和手机上.)with which we can hold a meeting or discussion .face to face with our workmates. Keeping up with the pace of the technique’s development will surely supply our more appropriate choice to live a comfortable life.

Consequently, taking into account what we have discussed above, we can easily get the conclusion that working at home is better than that in the office.(其实结尾最后有个长远的好处,例如对于未来或者什么。)

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11楼

发表于 2011-10-13 11:14:54 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 pepemaxc 于 2011-10-13 11:21 编辑

Nowadays, with the advance of our society and network technique, people in many different industries have the chance to finish their work at home using the computers or telephones. This phenomenon has aroused a discussion that if it is better than working in the office. As far as I am concerned, I agree that working at homing(home) provides more benefits for both the companies and the stuffs(stuff是集合名词). Now I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.

Firstly, working at home leaves us a more free time schedule. Therefore, we will never need to get up early even when the sun is still asleep, have the opportunity to decide when and where to accomplish the jobs(tasks) only if we are sure that we can hand it(them) in before the deadline, as well as(用and会更妥，as well as一般用来连接2个事物) enjoy more time with our family members(最好把never when and where to accomplish the tasks这句话放在最后一个讲，否则never很有可能会引起歧义). What’s more, the working environment at home will be(is obviously) more comfortable and relaxed(relaxing) than that in the office. Considering all ascendency I have mention(mentioned) above, the staffs will become more efficient and hardworking. Just imaging having a nap on your big bed or drinking a cup of coffee made by yourself during the unfixed office hours, how enjoyable will the work be.

iIn addition, working at home saves stuffs’(stuff's) on and off work traffic time.and may also benefit our traffic system. According to a recent investigation, the times people spend on traffic are no less than for(这个是想表达%?) percent of their working hours every day. So this action will obviously improve the status. What’s more, working at home allows the companies spending(to spend) the huge amount of money which ought to be used for renting or building the offices on investing new projects. Undoubtedly, stuffs will support it since it is a perfect to increase the companies’ income.

Indeed, someone insist(has insisted) that working in the office still has its own advantages, such as we can communicate with our colleagues directly or some urgent work may be arranged immediately. However, we have already had the facility with which we can hold a meeting or discussion .face to face with our workmates. Keeping up with the pace of the technique’s development will surely supply our more appropriate choices to live a comfortable life.' （其实我觉得这段有点多余，你2段2个点都非常明确，开头结尾一加就非常好了，而且一般字数在350就足已。）

Consequently, taking into account what we have discussed above, we can easily get(using "draw" is much better) the conclusion that working at home is better than that in the office.

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香草鱼
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12楼

发表于 2011-10-16 00:31:36 |只看该作者

这是10月11号的修改作文，给你补上

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13楼

发表于 2011-10-17 19:53:05 |只看该作者

10月17日 20100925NA Do you think that young people in today are less dependent on their parents than in the past.
When it comes to this statement that young people in today are less dependent on their parents than in the past, some mature deliberations are necessary, since knowing that may have a significant effect on us to catch a glimpse of that if there are some difference or development between the two groups of people. As far as I am concerned, I think the change has really occurred and I will try to demonstrate my points in the following paragraphs,
From the young people’s perspective, the advancement of technique and our society provides them a more freely life style. Differing from the last generation whose life is always planed by their parents, today’s young people are more eager to arrange what to learn, where to live and how to enjoy their holidays by themselves. According to a recent survey conduted by an authority institution, it can be learned that nearly 45 percent of the middle school students chose the school which are far away from their home even though their parents may not be so agreeable with their decisions. This is an appropriate example to show that young people are becoming more independent on themselves than before since they want to arrange their future and live alone without their parents’ help as soon as possible..
From the parents’ perspective, most of them are not able to keep up with the pace of us so that we the young people have to be less dependent on them. Although my parents always want to give me a hand just for reducing my pressure, they do not know what happens in my life every day, and do not know so many new inventions such as iphone4 or QQ in my life, either. In other words, obviously, it means that today’s parents are not so available for us to rely on since can offer us what we need.,

From the society’s perspective, it requires us to become comprehensive developed even when we are still young in school. So we use this kind of chances that solving some pervasive problems by ourselves rather than parents to improve our abilities which are essential when we finally work in the complex society.
In conclusion, taking into account what we have talked above, I assert that sizable amount of people will agree with my viewpoint that young people are less dependent on their parents than in the past due to their own needs, their parents’ out of date, as well as the society’s requirement.

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14楼

发表于 2011-10-18 16:01:52 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 sd1053774 于 2011-10-18 19:34 编辑

修改好了，去水版灌了一会儿终于可以发附件了。

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15楼

发表于 2011-10-19 21:22:15 |只看该作者

10月19日 20100821NA Some people say we should never be impolite to another person. Do you agree or disagree?
When we were still unable to walk well, our parents had taught us that we should be polite to other people, since how we treat others may be a mirror of we and our families’ quality. However, I can not agree with the statement that, under no circumstance will we be impolite to another person. Our attitude towards others depends on what they have done and how they do it. Now, I will try to demonstrate my points in the following paragraphs.
Indeed, being polite helps us leave a good impression on others, which could also provide us more unexpected opportunities. According to a recent survey conducted by an authority institution, we may learn that more than 70 percent people do not trust those who always speak ill of others or treat their workmates rudely. They do not want to work with those impolite people, either. What’s more, may boss once told me that the reason why he choose me to work with was that I was kind and polite to everyone, and wore a sunny smile all the time. Obviously, if we want to catch the golden chance and work harmoniously with others, we ought to learn to be polite to others.
On the other hand, in some particular situations, even the great philosopher of china, Confucius, who is always be regarded as the saint cannot keep polite. And this kind of thing just happened in my hometown a few days age. A man drove his car over a little girl’s body for twice within 5 minutes, and then left without any hesitation. When he was found, he told the newspaper that if the little girl dead, he did not need to pay so much money for the treatment! Can you still be polite and speak the truth with this kind of person who may not be a real human being! In my opinion, the only thing we need to do is to lay him down on the street, and then drive over his body, too. Hence, undoubtedly, you are sure that it is not necessary and possible for us to be polite all the time.
In conclusion, taking into account what we have talked above, I assert that sizable people will agree with my viewpoint that we should not always be polite to another person. Even though being polite may benefit us for some times, there is no need for us to treat those shameless people in same way.

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