寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托语言类备考版 › TOEFL考试(IBT)讨论版 › TOEFL(IBT)作业区 › 【Daily Writing作文特训小组】西雅图黄页作业帖

返回列表

查看: 2922|回复: 18

[作文] 【Daily Writing作文特训小组】西雅图黄页作业帖 [复制链接]

西雅图黄页
UID: 3235802

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 76
注册时间: 2012-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 1

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2012-1-16 20:27:00 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由西雅图黄页于 2012-1-23 16:31 编辑

作文差，求拍砖！！！

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.11.27

回应
0

使用道具举报

西雅图黄页
UID: 3235802

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 76
注册时间: 2012-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 1

沙发

发表于 2012-1-16 20:31:29 |只看该作者

2012年1月16日独立作文作业：Two persons cannot be friends if one is richer than the other.

Nowadays, more and more people have realized that they should be prudent and think over carefully on the matter of choosing friends. People have come to know what kind of person can’t be their friends from their past experience. As far as I am concerned, two persons cannot be friends if one is richer than the other for the following three reasons.

First of all, if one is richer than the other, they will have few common topics to communicate. The reason is that they probably don't have similar jobs and life styles. For example, one is a manager of a famous cooperation; the other is a waiter of a restaurant. At weekends, the manager may focus on seeking pleasure, whereas the waiter may struggle with the part-time job. What they can talk to each other is limited because what they do and who they meet every day are very different. They are just like two parallel lines that never intersect.

In addition, if one is richer than the other, they will make distinct choices when facing options, which make it hard for them to reach consensus. For instance, two girls plan to go shopping together. After they entered the shopping mall, the girl who is richer wants to rush to the luxury goods sectors while the other wants to go to Sear. And at lunch time, the richer girl is considering Kobe beef while the other thinks McDonald, which she is used to have as lunch is enough. Then it becomes an undesirable experience because they have conflicts about many things.

Finally, if one is not as rich as the other, his/her view of value will be different from the other’s. What he/she considers valuable probably means nothing to the other. For example, when I planned to go back to my country from where I was studying, I was so worried about my clothes and shoes which I spent a lot of money to buy since I wasn’t able to bring all of them back. My roommate who was very rich didn’t understand me at all. She persuaded me to just throw them away and told me that keeping the old, I would get nothing new. I was somewhat angry about her words. If she had the same financial situation as me, she wouldn’t propose such useless and unpractical suggestion.

In conclusion, if one is not as rich as the other, they will have few common topics, distinct decisions and different view of value, which lead to no opportunity for them to be friends. So I agree with the statement.

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报

西雅图黄页
UID: 3235802

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 76
注册时间: 2012-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 1

板凳

发表于 2012-1-23 16:33:13 |只看该作者

本帖最后由西雅图黄页于 2012-1-23 21:07 编辑

2012-1-23 独立作文作业 People are now easier to become educated than in the past.

From my perspective, it’s apparent that nowadays, people are easier to become educated than in the past. Points below support my idea.

First of all, now education has been more financially affordable. In the past, although the tuition fees of universities aren’t of high levels, many families are still too poor to support their children’s further studies. There is no one but longs to go to college. Yet some people have to give up the opportunity even though they have acquired excellent results in the college entrance examinations. But now, with the rapid development of economy, people are getting richer and richer. Going to the college is not a difficult dream to realize any more. Besides, people also have enough extra money to purchase learning tools, such as reference books or laptops.

In addition, resources that help people study have been far more accessible. With the coming of the 21th century, man has entered into an age of data, information and multimedia. And the whole society has attached more importance to education. Reference books are abundant in variety, and it is universally acknowledged that we can know almost everything by searching for the internet. My father once told me that, when he was a college student, it’s so hard for people to learn foreign languages because of the scarceness of the listening and speaking materials. However, in our generation, we can go to YouTube to listen to CNN news and even use MSN to communicate with our foreign friends to practice our English.

Furthermore, today, due to the easiness of life that the development of society and technology have brought about, people have more spare time so that people have a chance to put forth more effort on study. For instance, systematic transportation has contributed a lot to save time commuting. And for the convenience of students’ school lives, most schools have provided students with school buses and more dormitories. But in the past, school life is exhausting because of the long distances people lived from school as well as the unadvanced transportations. My father used to ride bicycle for one hour and a half to reach his universities. That means he had to spend three hours every day on the road! Only if he could spend these hours on study!

In conclusion, people are now easier to become educated than in the past as now education is more financially affordable, resources are more available and people have more spare time. However, even we are so lucky to live in this well-developed society, if we don’t have determined will to be educated, all these advantages will be useless.

使用道具举报

西雅图黄页
UID: 3235802

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 76
注册时间: 2012-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 1

地板

发表于 2012-1-28 23:06:37 |只看该作者

怎么都想不出三个point啊><

1月28日独立作文作业：The main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.

It’s really an issue that what should be attached more importance by university professor, education or research? As far as I am concerned, the main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research.

The most crucial reason is that university professors are paid by the universities to educate students. There is no doubt people should perform in accordance with the employer’s instructions. Universities hire professors to teach, lecture, observe and consult, but not to conduct research. It is research scholars who have the duty to do research. Before becoming a professor, people should have a deep understanding of what professor’s responsibility is all about. Moreover, students pay tuition fees to be educated, which means that professors’ salaries are derive from students! How can professors be such selfish and inconsiderate and leave their students alone to learn by themselves?

Some may argue that the main role of the university professor can be to do research since they can focus on research and complete education tasks perfectly. Yet most professors are not able to serve two purposes at the same time. Take my own experience as an instance, when I was a sophomore, I was intended to choose economics as my major. In order to know more about economics, I tried to consult to the professor who taught my microeconomics course. However, in most cases, he wasn’t available in his office. And after I finally got the chance to talk with him, he finished the conversation quickly and then rushed to the lab. In fact, a professor has a lot of work to do at ordinary times. He/she needs to prepare lectures, grade papers, solve students’ problems and make sure that everybody in his/her class are doing well and feel comfortable. I don’t think a professor can handle all of these and devote himself to his/her research.

Nevertheless, I approve professors to do research in the rest of their time as long as they set education as priority.

In conclusion, the main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research because they are paid to educate and they have not adequate time and energy to handle education and research simultaneously.

使用道具举报

lovely_hippo123
UID: 3209964

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 2
寄托币: 230
注册时间: 2011-11-25
精华: 0
帖子: 15

5楼

发表于 2012-1-28 23:27:48 |只看该作者

我看到三个观点了呀1.教授受雇于学校，其主要职责是教授学生，做研究完全可以在教授自己在校期间
2.学生花钱上学，需要得到老师最大限度地帮助
3.而且一个教授的时间是很有限的，更何况做研究花大量时间，那样就很难很好帮助学生。:loveliness:比如说。。。

使用道具举报

西雅图黄页
UID: 3235802

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 76
注册时间: 2012-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 1

6楼

发表于 2012-1-29 13:47:13 |只看该作者

谢！终于有人理我了，我本来那个第二点是放在第一点里面写的，现在想想的确是可以作为单独一点拿出来讲。 5# lovely_hippo123

使用道具举报

lovely_hippo123
UID: 3209964

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 2
寄托币: 230
注册时间: 2011-11-25
精华: 0
帖子: 15

7楼

发表于 2012-1-29 14:42:07 |只看该作者

很多时候我们写了都等着别人帮忙改，不如休息两天帮别人看看，觉得看别人写比自己写收获更多，因为自己套路基本会固定，而且错的可能一直错--在没有人发现的情况下。。。这样，以后就会有更多人加入改作文的行列啦哈哈。。。基本上把你段落分配换一下，因为语法方面没看出什么不对--这属于你写的不错+鄙人能力有限哈。
有些观点我说出来，你看下有没有必要改：
1.在第一段因为教授的钱是政府给的（你说教授的钱都学校给的，这样就不能联系到其他机构了），政府付给老师的钱为了让老师教授学生，如果只是做研究的话，教授完全可以去研究机构，或者继续深造。
2.还是第一段，最好不要说教授的钱是学生给的，还有很多国家大学不需要学费的呢。学生给的都是基本的学杂费呢。要不你指明在我们国家，很多学校教授的钱源于学生。
3.我觉得第二段，过度的不错，嘿嘿。
4.句式变换方面再加把劲就很好啦哈哈--这也是我的弱项啊

使用道具举报

鸟儿
UID: 3238411

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 114
注册时间: 2012-1-20
精华: 0
帖子: 1

8楼

发表于 2012-1-29 15:54:04 |只看该作者

红色是添加，灰色是删除，蓝色是疑惑，粉色是精彩！

The main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research. 6 R% ?" ]. h* r( @" W M! o
0 b1 ^, S8 }0 W3 ~# v" u' U4 R
It’s really an issue that （what） should be attached more importance by university professor(：which is more important,)education or research? As far as I am concerned, the main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research./ T9 y! D: A! J8 D
# \, h2 n$ c* V: ~- e
The most crucial reason is that university professors are paid by the universities to educate students. There is no doubt people should perform in accordance with the employer’s instructions. Universities hire professors to teach, lecture, observe and consult, but not to conduct research(这个论证欠妥). It is research scholars who have the duty to do research. Before becoming a professor, people should have a deep understanding of what professor’s responsibility is all about. Moreover, students pay tuition fees to be educated, which means that professors’ salaries （are） mostly derive from students! （避免太绝对）How can professors be such so(so 接形容词) selfish and inconsiderate and leave their students alone to learn by themselves?
: P2 e% I: ]. o8 x7 @
9 g* x3 [( g+ _) w) Y/ JSome may argue that the main role of the university professor can be to do research since they can focus on research and complete education tasks perfectly. Yet most professors are not able to serve two purposes at the same time . Take my own experience as an instance, when I was a sophomore, I was intended to choose economics as my major. In order to know more about economics, I tried to consult （to） the professor who taught my（me） microeconomics course. However, in most cases, he wasn’t available in his office. And after I finally got the chance to talk with him, he finished the conversation quickly and then rushed to the lab. (举自己的这个例子很好，感同身受哇！) In fact, a professor has a lot of work to do at ordinary times. He/she needs to prepare lectures, grade papers, solve students’ problems and make sure that everybody in his/her class are doing well and feel comfortable. I don’t think a professor can handle all of these and（meanwhile） devote himself to his/her research. 5 z4 h6 f. i- Q& @: ~4 O' m' O. b. H7 \# K: p9 ]
Nevertheless, I approve professors to do research in the rest of their time as long as they set education as priority.
" j' M% x* a* t# x+ a. }9 p8 }
" r. X4 ^: Q$ X# |In conclusion, the main role of the university professor is to educate students rather than to do research because they are paid to educate and they have not adequate time and energy to handle education and research simultaneously.

C：语言很流畅，结构清晰。想法我觉得楼上说的很好，可以参考下。

使用道具举报

西雅图黄页
UID: 3235802

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 76
注册时间: 2012-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 1

9楼

发表于 2012-1-30 16:43:07 |只看该作者

1月30日独立写作作业：It is often not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country because they will lose their friends.

Diverse histories and geological conditions have led to imbalanced development among different towns or countries. Many people have chosen to move to a brand new place for respective reasons. Some claim that it is often not a good thing because people will lose their friends. However, I object to this argument.

The argument itself underlies a serious mistake-people will lose their friends as a result of their separation. My own experience informs me that it isn’t necessarily true. I’ve moved to abroad for study since I was 19 years old. During this four years, every year I just got one chance to go back to my hometown to visit my friends. However, our friendship didn’t change at all. Every time we met, our conversation didn’t end until next day morning. And when I was in trouble, they were always willing to give me help in time. Real friendship won’t be dissolved due to separation. Moreover, internet has made worldwide connection not only possible, but also efficient. As long as we have laptops or cellphones, we are able to chat with our friends through online-videos. People’s relationships have been much easier to be stable because of the development of science and technology.

In addition, every decision has its own side effect. If moving to a new town or a new country’s advantage outweighs the disadvantage, it is still a good thing. Even though people have a risk losing their friends, in some cases, they are forced to sacrifice their friendship in order to realize what they would most like to do. Think about why many people choose to move to some first-tier cities, such as New York and Los Angeles, instead of staying with their friends in their hometowns. Precious as friendship is, people still need to fulfill their dreams. Some are for more comfortable lives, while some are for the attractive opportunities of work in the big cities. To many people, nothing is more important than to achieve their goals. In fact, people are required to think over all the benefits and detriments of the choices, and then identify what is regarded most before every decision.

In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that it is often not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country because they will lose their friends since people won’t lose their friends necessarily when they are apart and it is still a good thing as long as what drives people to move is more crucial than friendship.

使用道具举报

西雅图黄页
UID: 3235802

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 76
注册时间: 2012-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 1

10楼

发表于 2012-1-30 16:54:24 |只看该作者

谢谢点评啊！！！说的没错，要写出好作文先得认真多看作文。这个深有体会。
其实写这个题目之前我觉得很难下手，因为背景知识欠缺。教授的工资具体是哪里来的呢，学生，赞助人还是政府？还有学校有没有分配研究任务给教授做？这些我都不清楚。然后为了好写，我就写学校雇佣教授是来教书的，如果是雇佣研究人员，那会以research scholar的名义来聘用。当然这个在中国或美国可能都不是真实的，不过我想反正批考卷的也不知道我是哪个国家的，也不会了解所有国家的规定，说不定可以蒙混过关。。。。觉得托福作文真的很需要补补基本知识啊。。。 7# lovely_hippo123

使用道具举报

西雅图黄页
UID: 3235802

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 76
注册时间: 2012-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 1

11楼

发表于 2012-1-30 16:57:13 |只看该作者

多谢多谢啦，批改得很认真呐，会参考楼上建议滴~~:lol 8# 鸟儿

使用道具举报

lovely_hippo123
UID: 3209964

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 2
寄托币: 230
注册时间: 2011-11-25
精华: 0
帖子: 15

12楼

发表于 2012-1-30 18:55:18 |只看该作者

It is often not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country because they will lose their friends

Diversa(diversely用副词修饰形容词) histories-这个应该改为形容词historical and geological conditions-用factors会不会好点 have led to imbalanced development-改为population distribution怎样？你是想说关于人口不均匀的，还是只想说发展啊？ among different towns or countries. Many people have chosen to move to a brand new place for respective reasons. Some claim that it is often not a good thing because people will lose their friends. However, I object to this argument.—--用铺垫式的开头，其实有点危险的哦，因为要很有功底+要切题。考试的时候还要用时间想，不如用概括式的？, r4 D T$ _! I
& P' I9 ^3 c3 f h3 q5 R
The argument itself underlies a serious mistake—太绝对了，点到为止，你说呢？说这个说法unreasonable to some extent 就差不多了，因为你下面一段有让步地说,就算异地会失去朋友balabala ，这样的话这两段就矛盾了哇，所以为了下一段，就不要绝对了吧？。。。-people will lose their friends as a result of their separation. My own experience informs me that it isn’t necessarily true. I’ve moved to abroad for study since I was 19 years old. During this four years, every year I just got one chance to go back to my hometown to visit my friends. However, our friendship didn’t change at all. Every time we met, our conversation didn’t end until next day morning. And when I was in trouble, they were always willing to give me help in time. Real friendship won’t be dissolved due to separation—这句好哇.这个用自己的例子也好好哇！ Moreover, internet has made worldwide connection not only possible, but also efficient. As long as we have laptops or cellphones, we are able to chat with our friends through online-videos. People’s relationships have been much easier to be stable because of the development of science and technology. 4 m. C4 {2 b" e8 W4 `, T$ f
# |. T6 X/ m* o$ B; T( f
In addition, every decision has its own side effect. If moving to a new town or a new country’s advantage outweighs the disadvantage,--我看到这里，以为你的思维是这么走：搬到新的地方会可能会有很多不利因素，如balabala…，但是不会是失去朋友。呵呵，看来思维差异。。。 it is still a good thing. Even though people have a risk losing their friends, in some cases, they are forced to sacrifice their friendship in order to realize what they would most like to do. Think about why many people choose to move to some first-tier cities, such as New York and Los Angeles, instead of staying with their friends in their hometowns. Precious as friendship is, people still need to fulfill their dreams. Some are for more comfortable lives, while some are for the attractive opportunities of work in the big cities. To many people, nothing is more important than to achieve their goals. In fact, people are required to think over all the benefits and detriments of the choices, and then identify what is regarded most before every decision.从这一段看来，你其实是想两面说的，一面同意，一面不同意。你说呢？

In conclusion, I disagree with the statement that it is often not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country because they will lose their friends since people won’t lose their friends necessarily when they are apart and it is still a good thing as long as what drives people to move is more crucial than friendship.

使用道具举报

lovely_hippo123
UID: 3209964

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 2
寄托币: 230
注册时间: 2011-11-25
精华: 0
帖子: 15

13楼

发表于 2012-1-30 18:56:06 |只看该作者

唉我的WORD 太高级使然，有颜色粘上来就是没颜色还有乱码。。。真抱歉唉。。。

使用道具举报

坏绿的眼睛
UID: 3138294

中级会员

Rank: 4

声望: 34
寄托币: 560
注册时间: 2011-7-26
精华: 0
帖子: 130

14楼

发表于 2012-1-31 06:57:43 |只看该作者

唔水平较低仅供参考互相学习哦啦啦 = =

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

这是我不愿醒来的梦。

使用道具举报

西雅图黄页
UID: 3235802

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 76
注册时间: 2012-1-15
精华: 0
帖子: 1

15楼

发表于 2012-1-31 18:19:10 |只看该作者

It is often not a good thing for people to move to a new town or a new country because they will lose their friends

Diversa(diversely用副词修饰形容词) histories-这个应该改为形容词historical and geo ...
lovely_hippo123 发表于 2012-1-30 18:55

非常感谢哦！！！问一下神马是铺垫式神马是概括式啊？？？呵呵我第三段第二句忘加but了，咱思维还是差不多滴~~