[作文] 求 Romanus改作文啊 [复制链接]

sunshinewu
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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-6-25 09:10:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.11.18

既然选择了地平线，留给世界的就只能是背影

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mpromanus
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沙发

发表于 2012-6-26 21:56:22 |只看该作者

Topic: Some people prefer to spend time with one or two close friends. Others choose to
spend time with a large number of friends. Compare the advantages of each choice.
Which of these two ways of spending time do you prefer? Use specific reasons to
support your answer.

Everyone should have a friend, but how to choose a friend is really a question. (The question is not about choosing friends. Your opening is nowhere related to the question given. This oddity possibly means: either you've copied me the wrong question, or you've written the wrong essay.) some people choose friends who are different from them. Others choose friends who are similar to them. As far as I am concerned, to select a similar guy (This is rather informal yet not very affectionate for describing 'friends'. If you must use a more intimate term, try 'pal'.) can get more understanding from him and have more fun with him. (Do not mix subjects. 'get understanding' and 'have fun' is something that a person does – while the subject of this sentence, 'to select..', is describing a thing to do, not a person.) There maybe one or two advantages to having friends who are dissimilar with him (WHO? Pronouns need to have a definite antecedent.); however, the advantages of having friends who are similar with him are more obvious.

Some minor advantages of having a different guy to be a friend may include a better chance to learn from him. Because the friend is dissimilar with him (Again, I don't know who this 'him' is. It's obviously not 'the friend', but who is it? Only 'I/me' and 'you' are understood to be explicitly present since the start of your essay; third person pronouns need to be defined as to who they actually are.), the friend has a lot of different characteristics and experience, so one can learn a lot from him. For example, now he (Again, as said, 3rd person pronouns cannot be used without explicitly naming who it represents first. You can say 'now one and his friend', but not 'he and his friend' without saying who 'he' is..) and his friend are discussing an issue about going to graduate school first or finding a job first after graduating. he thinks it is better to go to a graduate school then he can get a better chance to have an ideal job; however, his friend thinks if he finds a job first one can get more experience, and experience is more important in one's career. So he learns different opinions from him and know the advantages of working first. (Now this is completely confusing as to who he is and who him is..3rd person pronouns are constantly changing their meaning in a discourse, so a word like 'he' is always understood to mean the nearest male person defined before this 'he', and it needs to be not too far away e.g. if you say 'my uncle..' and after 200 words use 'he' to refer to your uncle, nobody will remember that. But, on a completely unrelated note, the way you write is very Latin-ish..)

Even though there may be one or two advantages to having friends who are dissimilar with him, the advantages of making friends with the similar guy far outweigh them. If one has a friend who has the similar feeling and opinion with him, the friend can understand him easily. Because the friend has similar characteristics and feelings with him, so when he is in trouble or feeling depressed, the friend can understand him and console him in the most natural way possible. The significance of understanding is just like the water to a fish at this time.

Another advantage of making friends with a similar guy is that he can have more fun. They both love the same sports, the same books, the same singers, the same films, so they both can go to play basketball together, to attend Michael Jackson's concerts together, to go see the film Farewell Atlantis together, he can have a lot of fun with him at this time.

In conclusion, maybe one can learn more from a friend who are dissimilar with him but when it is compared with the advantages that getting more understanding and more fun of having friends who are different from you, (I'm confused as to what this whole sentence really means. Do you mean to say 'similar' rather than 'different' for the last 'different'?) the advantages are insignificant. From my point of view, understanding and fun are the most important things of a friend, so I would like to choose a friend similar with me.

总结：

词汇和语法都还好，最大的问题是第三人称代词指代完全混乱。。在文章中只有第一第二人称是固定的，第三人称代词的指代是随时可以变化的。。你不能在一个段落的开头用了一个one然后就认为he == one这样然后全篇都是he。。3rd person pronouns don't work this way! 读者看到第三人称代词不是这样释义的！他是看到个代词然后想，之前我看到了神马符合这个代词要求（男/女，单/复，人/物）的名词，第一个符合的就是指代。。所以除非你全段都只有一个人，没有别的人出现，你才可以一直用he来指代他。。但是你的文章不是这样，你的文章里一直都是两个人，一个one和一个friend倒来倒去。。所以那些he him his就完全乱七八糟了。。

论述 - 题目和文章完全两回事。。要么你把题目抄错了，要么你把文章写错了。。= =

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