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[习作点评] 还写了篇A77这篇真的好匮乏{又写了篇A34 求重拍~~~}A17求修改第一次写感觉好水感 [复制链接]

yaooffer
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电梯直达

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发表于 2013-5-30 22:09:04 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 yaooffer 于 2013-6-10 19:00 编辑

A17
The following appeared in a memorandum from the manager of WWAC radio station.
"To reverse a decline in listener numbers, our owners have decided that WWAC must change from its current rock-music format. The decline has occurred despite population growth in our listening area, but that growth has resulted mainly from people moving here after their retirement. We must make listeners of these new residents. We could switch to a music format tailored to their tastes, but a continuing decline in local sales of recorded music suggests limited interest in music. Instead we should change to a news and talk format, a form of radio that is increasingly popular in our area."

Merely based on unfounded assupmtion and suspicious evidence,the arguer draws the conclusion that the WWAC radio station should change from rock-music format to a news and talk format.To suppor this conclusion,the arguer points out the evidence that the decline in listener has occurred despite population growth in listening area,but that growth has resulted mainly from people moving here after retirement.In additon,the arguer cites the example of a continuing decline in local sales of recorded music which suggests limited interest in music.Forthermore,the arguer asserts that news and talk format is a form of radio that is increasingly popular in their area.AT first ,the arguement appears to be somewhat convincing ,but forther reflection reveals that it neglects some substantial concerns that should be addressed in the argument.From the logical perspective,this argument suffers from three logical flaws.

The threshold problem problem with the argument is the arguer put the decline on the assumption that the rock-music format caused the decline in listening population.It is not cognent with no covincing envidence.At the same time,the arguer have not done exact reaserch of growth population .The amount、 income level and so on of the population are crucial to the judgement of listening habit in the increased population.So there is nothing can proves the relation between the population growth and the decline of the listening population.

Secondly,the vague inference of decline in sales of recorded music is suspicious.Mang other factors contribute to the result.For instance,people can download music from the internet.Or because the depression in economy reduce local people’income ,so they can not afford the recorded music .The arguer also states that they could switch to a music format tailored to these new residents in order to make listeners of them.The question is whether current listeners can accept the new music.Even though new music appeals to new listeners,the loss of current listeners can also cause the decline of the whole amount of listeners.

And the last flaw involved in the argument is that news and talk format is a form of radio that is increasingly popular in their area.This is apparently compares WWAC radio station with other radio station in the area and infer with bandwagon appeal of people.It is nonsense to compare different radio stations in the same area for different covered listeners and running patterns.More envidence should be offered to prove whether news and talk format can attract both current and new listeners of the WWAC radio station .

To sum up,the arguer fails to substantiate his claim that the WWAC radio station should change from rock-music format to a news and talk format.If the argument had included the given factors discussed above,it would have been more thorough and logically accepted.

套用的模板来着

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pandali
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沙发

发表于 2013-5-30 23:49:15 |只看该作者

这个模板的痕迹很明显啊，师从小宝老师吗？

从这篇文章来看，这位同学还是能够找到一些材料中的逻辑错误的。但是文中还是暴露了一些问题的。

首先，文中的模板太明显。尤其是首段花费了大量篇幅来介绍材料中的的观点和论据。其实这是没有必要的。Argument更看重的是“攻击”的过程。文中的论据和结论扼要说明即可。

第二，文中的攻击应该与材料紧密相连，直接陈述错误。例如第三段，Secondly,the vague inference of decline in sales of recorded music is suspicious. Many other factors contribute to the result.For instance,people can download music from the internet.Or because the depression in economy reduce local people’income ,so they can not afford the recorded music. 这位同学应该想说的是“音乐销量的降低并不说明听众对音乐不感兴趣了”。但是从这段攻击句子中看不到你的这个观点。我想最好还是将错误陈述出来。

第三，这位同学还是应该仔细体味材料的意思。我想材料中这句话“We could switch to a music format tailored to their tastes, but a continuing decline in local sales of recorded music suggests limited interest in music. ”的重点是在后边强调“听众对音乐不感兴趣”，这家电台并不想改变音乐风格。could在这里应该是个虚拟语气。所以应该攻击的是“音乐销量的下降并一定说明兴趣的下降，还是可以通过改变音乐的风格来吸引顾客的”。

最后，文中出现了些拼写错误。望在今后写作中注意。

个人观点，如有错误还望海涵。

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板凳

发表于 2013-5-31 13:39:19 |只看该作者

pandali 发表于 2013-5-30 23:49
这个模板的痕迹很明显啊，师从小宝老师吗？

从这篇文章来看，这位同学还是能够找到一些材料中的逻辑错误 ...

多谢指点~~我总觉得一些话用英文说不出来的感觉自己能组织出来的句子都很幼稚

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地板

发表于 2013-5-31 13:43:28 |只看该作者

yaooffer 发表于 2013-5-31 13:39
多谢指点~~我总觉得一些话用英文说不出来的感觉自己能组织出来的句子都很幼稚

嗯如果是语言的问题的话建议去找几篇北美范文看一看把其中的一些通用性的句子如提出问题、反驳错误等句子背一背自己写的时候替换一下。

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5楼

发表于 2013-5-31 13:55:57 |只看该作者

pandali 发表于 2013-5-31 13:43
嗯如果是语言的问题的话建议去找几篇北美范文看一看把其中的一些通用性的句子如提出问题、反驳错误等句 ...

嗯好的谢谢你啦~~

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6楼

发表于 2013-5-31 14:02:19 |只看该作者

yaooffer 发表于 2013-5-31 13:55
嗯好的谢谢你啦~~

客气了~

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7楼

发表于 2013-6-8 22:41:31 |只看该作者

ARGUMENT34
34. The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The vice president of human resouces at Climpson Industries recommends that the company should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstation in order to improve employees' productivity.The argument is weak with four unstated assumptions.
In the first place,the arguer recommends that the company can prevent employees from wasting time by installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers.Apparently,the recommendation depends on the assumption that installing software to detect the employees' Internet use is legal and useful.Even if doing this is legal,employees may feel not to be truseted,which will combats working enthusiasm.In the end, the consequence totally contrays to orignal orientation.
Next,even if the software can help,the arguer assumes further that the use of the Internet can waste more time than other actions.Chatting with colleagues during work time can causes the wasting of time too.If an employee can not concentrate on his work,so does he waste hie work time.Because low efficiency is another name of wasting of time. So unreasonable flow of work is another reason of wasting time.In short,with out rulling out other possible reasons the arguer can not convince me that they can prevent employees from wasting time by detecting employees' Internet use on company computer.
Moreover,the arguer assumes that high productivity of employees means high overall profits.Even if they can improve employees' producticity,their overall profits is not sure to improve.Lots of causes contribute to a company's profits.The whole enconomy environment is very important.When the demand is low,high productivity means nothing.So the company can strengthen sales dapartment of the company.If the profits of each product is low,high overall profits is also very difficult.So the company should try to develop the technology of their products in order to cut down their costs.
Of course,the whole arguement starts with a basic assumption that there are many employees doing private or recreational things by using company compurter during worktime.If it is not true,all the argument is nonsense.So the arguer should provide enough statistic and evidence.
In sum,the recommendation relies on certain doubtful assumption that render it unconvincing as it stands.To strengthen it the arguer should give the envidence that the software installed to detect employees' use of Internet really can prevent them from wasting time.Wasting time mostly is caused by the use of Internet during worktime.Finally,the relationshiop between productivity is convinced.

隔了好久才好不容易写出一篇、、懒得、、求重拍~~

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8楼

发表于 2013-6-10 19:01:33 |只看该作者

A77
The following recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell. ”
“ Two years ago, the nearby town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View ’ s tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. Therefore, the best way to improve Hopewell ’ s economy — and generate additional tax revenues — is to build
a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View. ”
“ Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove nwarranted. ”

The mayor of the town of Hopewell recommends that the town of Hopewell should build a golf course and resort hotel in order to improve Hopewell's economy.To support his recommendation,the arguet points out the example of the success of the nearby town of Ocean View during the past two years.
To begin with,the arguer commits a fallacy of "false analogy"between the town of Hopewell and Ocean View.It is highly possible that the town of Ocean View has the advangtages for building a new municipal golf course and resort hotel.For instance,there are enough water to irrigate the lawn needed in the golf course.Perhaps the residents around there are real interested in the golf.Or the fuandmental facilities and transports are convient and complete in the town.But there is no evidence that the town of Hopewell has the same resources and chances.So it is not wise to build a a new municipal golf course and resort hotel like the nearby town of Ocean View without careful evaluation.
Even if the two town are in the same situation,the time should be taken into account.During two years,everything can change.The whole economy environment may change completely,which may reduce people's money distributed to the recreational activities.The two town are nearby,so the similar golf course and resort hotel may be not attractive any more for those who are used to the one in the town of Ocean View.So the assumption the golf course and resort hotel is still popular and profitable is not convincing too.
Moreover,the arguer assumes that the risen tax revenues of the town of Ocean View is caused by the incresed tourism and the incresed tourism is the result of the golf course and resort hotel.As we all know,lots of factors can influent the economy.Perhaps the increased tourism happen to be the result a tourist festival organized by the government.Thus,without rulling out all the possibilities,I can not accept the recommendation that the the town of Hopewell should build a golf course and resort hotel .
Finally,although all the mayor agrues is true,the town of Hopewell have many other approaches to improve the economy besides the imitation of the nearby town of Ocean View .

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