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[备考小组] 14年秋季提纲互改小组- issue 108 [复制链接]

tesolchina
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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

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发表于 2014-10-31 10:33:19 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2014-10-31 10:35 编辑
本帖来自"14年秋季GRE提纲+全文互改小组"，欢迎关注！你还可以查看更多小组、创建小组


GRE写作总会面临思路内容与语言表达双重挑战。匮乏的思想会令语言苍白，而语言能力的薄弱又会干扰正常的逻辑思维。以下这个练习试图将这两个问题分割开来。由我分析一道issue题，列出较详细的提纲，然后请你计时完成全文。这个练习有两个目的：第一、希望通过观察我的分析和列提纲过程，你能掌握一些可运用到其他题目的策略、技能；第二、通过计时练习，专注于语言表达的训练。

练习一
根据下面的分析，写出1+3四个完整的英语句子以及汉语展开

练习二
在练习一的基础上，写出全文。

请先完成练习一，我点评后，再写全文。


Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.



批判性的判断在任何领域当中都是没什么用处的,除非判断来自于该领域专家。
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.【第一类写作指导】


这道题没有对领域进行限定，认为只有专家对作品的批判性判断才有价值。显然我们需要考虑分不同的领域来讨论。而在考虑选择不同领域的时候，我们还要搞清楚一个问题，即专家和非专家的区别在哪里。另外还可以考虑的一点是，在某个领域的专家和这个领域以外的专家的区别。题目认为只有前者的评判有价值，而我们似乎可以指出后者的评价也很有价值。


开头段
在提出观点之前，最好简单介绍背景。这里的背景可以指出在各个领域我们都需要评价作品的价值从而认可那些优秀的作品和创作者。于是有人提出这个题目中的观点。而我认为在某些领域如纯粹数学，作品的价值只能由领域内专家评价；而有些领域例如经济学、工程学，除了领域内专家评价外，还需要领域外专家的评价；而在一些应用领域如广告设计、电视剧本编写，作为非专家的观众的评价显然是十分重要的。


第二段 纯粹数学的论文、成果只能由领域内专家评判
涉及的理论概念只有领域内专家能够理解
对于这个工作对本领域的贡献也只有本领域专家对领域的发展比较熟悉
领域内专家可以提出批判意见指出下一步的改进方向
学科本身并无应用、相对其他领域比较超前，因此领域外的专家无法给出意见

第三段 经济学、工程学等领域的研究需要领域外的专家评判
经济学理论已经被应用到法学、政治学、人类学等多领域
经济学家在这些领域所做的工作需要得到来自这些领域专家的评判 他们具有相关的知识背景
相关领域的专家可以提出他们的角度和数据来验证相关工作
工程学的研究成果往往涉及多学科 如计算机工程涉及复杂的数学模型 因此数学家的评价也很有价值



第四段 广告设计、电视剧本等作品需要非专家的观众点评
广告设计需要广告受众来批评以修改那些观众不喜欢的元素
麦当劳需要聘请市场调查公司了解家长和孩子对儿童乐园餐广告的看法
电视剧本作家会根据观众对人物的喜好决定下一步人物的命运  
这些作品的最终价值取决于观众的喜恶

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沙发
发表于 2014-11-3 15:58:44 |只看该作者
Experts’ critical judgment of work in a given field indeed is always valuable. Nonetheless, a freshman in a given field’s critical judgment of work also receives much attention. Moreover, even the viewpoint from a man outside a given field should not also be ignored.

1.        Experts’ critical judgment of work in a given field indeed is always valuable. 举例，发表论文来说，当我们投稿时，我们常常理所当然的任务自己的paper是perfect，但是几个月过后，当我们接到审稿人的好几页的修改意见时，有可能是completely rejected时，我们非常愤怒，但是很多经历告诉我们，只要按到审稿人的意见进行修改，下次再投时，一般都会accepted。
2.        Nonetheless, a freshman in a given field’s critical judgment of work also receives much attention. 由于新手不受传统观念的限制，相对于该领域的专家来讲有其独特视角，其提出的观点有时的确有其新颖独到科学合理的一面。举例：比如中国神州五号总设计师王永民，在早期中国的火箭事业上，为了让火箭飞的更远，其他研究院都想法设法的往火箭里面加燃料，而他却想着减少燃料让火箭的重量减轻，钱学森采纳了他的建议，最后导弹发射成功。
3.        Moreover, even the viewpoint from a man outside a given field should not also be ignored. 比如在商业领域：制造商通过向消费者征求反馈信息来调整产品的质量和使用价值；在政治领域，政府官员通过向民众征求意见，适时调整自己的施政方针，使政府更好的服务人民，从而使社会更加和谐稳定。
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tesolchina + 2 思路和结构都不错！

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US-applicant

板凳
发表于 2014-11-3 23:32:00 |只看该作者
TS:
As we known, in all fields we need to value works to recognise the excellent works and their authors.So people conclude that only critical judgment from an expert in that field has value. But it is not always true. In some fields like theoretical physics, the value the work must be valued by the experts in that field. At the same time, in some fields like economics and engineering, both the experts in and out that field have to evaluate the work. However, it's vital for nonspecialists to judge the work in some applicated fields like advertising design, products design.
1、The articles in theoretical physics can only be assessed by the theoretical physicist.该领域内的工作没有相关的应用，也没有与其他领域有交叉部分。涉及的概念只有研究该领域的专家才能理解，所以领域内的工作的重要性只有领域内的专家能够了解
2、But in economics and engineering we need expert from other field to judge those works.首先这些领域是交叉，综合的领域，涉及许多其他的领域，经济学理论已经被应用到法学、政治学、人类学等多领域,同样需要数学理论，物理模型的支持，工程学通常会涉及力学，材料学等领域，所以具有相关领域背景的专家可以评价该领域的工作
3、The products in those applicated fields like advertising design and products design should be appraised by their comsumers. 这些领域里的设计都是为了迎合消费者的需求，消费者的喜好决定了产品最终形态。产品的好坏应该由消费者来评价。广告的成功取决于是否能吸引消费者的目光，引起消费者的兴趣。产品的生产商通常都会有反馈问卷调查消费者对于产品的使用体验从而来修改完善产品。  

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地板
发表于 2014-11-5 13:38:28 |只看该作者
回應老師 练习一
根据下面的分析，写出1+3四个完整的英语句子以及汉语展开

The speaker assumes that only the expert is eligible to make a critical commend regarding other people work because the speaker believes that the expert has a better understanding about the field while compared with the rest of social members. Thus, the expert is eligible to critically teach the rest of the people to correct their mistakes. For example, I define the experts as teachers. I do not doubt that teachers who are capable to give commend regarding to students work while the students are learning how to obey the social norms and how to perform their rules according to the social norms. However, once the scope of discussion extends to the area of innovation, experts are not capable to supervise or give comment regarding other people work. I explain my reasoning as follows.

1. To begin with, I do not doubt that teachers – the expert in guiding students to learn about the social rules – are capable to evaluate students’ behavior in terms of social mores. 這是因為老師在大學求學時, 老師是被訓練去學習社會道德, 和如何教導學生有關社會道德的資訊。因此, 當有學生行為失誤時, 老師很容易便察覺學生不當的行為。同一時間, 因為老師對道德有相當的了解, 老師有足夠的能力評估學生的行為和教導學生如何改善不正當的行為。在這情況之下, 學生可以透過老師的教導去改善自己的不當行為。

2. However, while the score of discussion extends to teach students or someone to be critical or innovative, experts’ are not capable to supervise their works. 這是因為創意是來自"Think out of the box", 而不是跟蹤專家的意見。換一種說法是，若果只是單方面遵守專家的意見，新的產品是不可以被發明/生產出來的。只有不跟隨專家的思想，發明家才可以把全新的產品生產出來。

3. Furthermore, it is not reasonable to say that only the expert is allowed to critically commend on someone’s work because of his or her super knowledge, and hence someone would be benefit. 很多時候，一個成功的概念/產品的靈感是來自於第三方（非該方面的專才)。專家大多數時間都局限於自己的知識領域，而沒有真正思考普羅大眾的想法。另一方面，第三方的人才往往可以看到大眾的需要，所以他們的概念/產品比較容易得到其他人的認同。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

5楼
发表于 2014-11-5 20:38:32 |只看该作者
ikow 发表于 2014-11-3 23:32
TS:
As we known, in all fields we need to value works to recognise the excellent works and their au ...


批判性的判断在任何领域当中都是没什么用处的,除非判断来自于该领域专家。
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.【第一类写作指导】


TS:
As we known, in all fields we need to value works to recognise the excellent works and their authors.So people conclude that only critical judgment from an expert in that field has value. But it is not always true. In some fields like theoretical physics, the value the work must be valued by the experts in that field. At the same time, in some fields like economics and engineering, both the experts in and out that field have to evaluate the work. However, it's vital for nonspecialists to judge the work in some applicated fields like advertising design, products design.

known形式不对
value works to recognise the excellent works and their authors
这里的value应该用evaluate
author 这个词太狭窄了
applicated 用词

基本思路和我提供的一致 但是在语言表达上的问题比较多  
关于语言表达的问题如何解决 我还在思考 近期会推出一些练习 请关注我的教学博客



1、The articles in theoretical physics can only be assessed by the theoretical physicist.该领域内的工作没有相关的应用，也没有与其他领域有交叉部分。涉及的概念只有研究该领域的专家才能理解，所以领域内的工作的重要性只 有领域内的专家能够了解


2、But in economics and engineering we need expert from other field to judge those works.首先这些领域是交叉，综合的领域，涉及许多其他的领域，经济学理论已经被应用到法学、政治学、人类学等多领域,同样需要数学理论，物理模型的 支持，工程学通常会涉及力学，材料学等领域，所以具有相关领域背景的专家可以评价该领域的工作


3、The products in those applicated fields like advertising design and products design should be appraised by their comsumers. 这些领域里的设计都是为了迎合消费者的需求，消费者的喜好决定了产品最终形态。产品的好坏应该由消费者来评价。广告的成功取决于是否能吸引消费者的目光， 引起消费者的兴趣。产品的生产商通常都会有反馈问卷调查消费者对于产品的使用体验从而来修改完善产品。  

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

6楼
发表于 2014-11-5 20:53:36 |只看该作者
skywongchiu 发表于 2014-11-5 13:38
回應老師 练习一
根据下面的分析，写出1+3四个完整的英语句子以及汉语展开

Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.



批判性的判断在任何领域当中都是没什么用处的,除非判断来自于该领域专家。
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.【第一类写作指导】



回應老師 练习一
根据下面的分析，写出1+3四个完整的英语句子以及汉语展开

The speaker assumes that only the expert is eligible to make a critical commend regarding other people work because the speaker believes that the expert has a better understanding about the field while compared with the rest of social members. Thus, the expert is eligible to critically teach the rest of the people to correct their mistakes. For example, I define the experts as teachers. I do not doubt that teachers who are capable to give commend regarding to students work while the students are learning how to obey the social norms and how to perform their rules according to the social norms. However, once the scope of discussion extends to the area of innovation, experts are not capable to supervise or give comment regarding other people work. I explain my reasoning as follows.


social members这个说法有问题
不明白你为什么局限于老师作为专家
how to obey the social norms and how to perform their rules  这些已经脱离了题目所讨论的对作品、工作的评价
主旨句和主题句没有一一呼应


1. To begin with, I do not doubt that teachers – the expert in guiding students to learn about the social rules – are capable to evaluate students’ behavior in terms of social mores. 這是因為老師在大學求學時, 老師是被訓練去學習社會道德, 和如何教導學生有關社會道德的資訊。因此, 當有學生行為失誤時, 老師很容易便察覺學生不當的行為。同一時間, 因為老師對道德有相當的了解, 老師有足夠的能力評估學生的行為和教導學生如何改善不正當的行為。在這情況之下, 學生可以透過老師的教導去改善自己的不當行為。

整段话离题


2. However, while the score of discussion extends to teach students or someone to be critical or innovative, experts’ are not capable to supervise their works. 這是因為創意是來自"Think out of the box", 而不是跟蹤專家的意見。換一種說法是，若果只是單方面遵守專家的意見，新的產品是不可以被發明/生產出來的。只有不跟隨專家的思想，發明家才可以把全新的 產品生產出來。


score? scope
这个观点也离题了
建议你根据我楼上的思路来练习


3. Furthermore, it is not reasonable to say that only the expert is allowed to critically commend on someone’s work because of his or her super knowledge, and hence someone would be benefit. 很多時候，一個成功的概念/產品的靈感是來自於第三方（非該方面的專才)。專家大多數時間都局限於自己的知識領域，而沒有真正思考普羅大眾的想法。另一方 面，第三方的人才往往可以看到大眾的需要，所以他們的概念/產品比較容易得到其他人的認同。

Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value
你用allowed这个词和原题的意思有很大的出入

super -> superb
someone would be benefit 语法



你最近一次分数出来了？

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

7楼
发表于 2014-11-5 22:53:52 |只看该作者
raikkonen36 发表于 2014-11-3 15:58
Experts’ critical judgment of work in a given field indeed is always valuable. Nonetheless, a fresh ...



Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.

批判性的判断在任何领域当中都是没什么用处的,除非判断来自于该领域专家。
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.【第一类写作指导】



Experts’ critical judgment of work in a given field indeed is always valuable. Nonetheless, a freshman in a given field’s critical judgment of work also receives much attention. Moreover, even the viewpoint from a man outside a given field should not also be ignored.

主旨句和后面的主题句呼应的很好

1.        Experts’ critical judgment of work in a given field indeed is always valuable. 举例，发表论文来说，当我们投稿时，我们常常理所当然的任务自己的paper是perfect，但是几个月过后，当我们接到审稿人的好几页的修改意见时，有可能是completely rejected时，我们非常愤怒，但是很多经历告诉我们，只要按到审稿人的意见进行修改，下次再投时，一般都会accepted。


这个例子很好

2.        Nonetheless, a freshman in a given field’s critical judgment of work also receives much attention. 由于新手不受传统观念的限制，相对于该领域的专家来讲有其独特视角，其提出的观点有时的确有其新颖独到科学合理的一面。举例：比如中国神州五号总设计师王永民，在早期中国的火箭事业上，为了让火箭飞的更远，其他研究院都想法设法的往火箭里面加燃料，而他却想着减少燃料让火箭的重量减轻，钱学森采纳了他的建议，最后导弹发射成功。

王永民是newbie？
另外题目说的是对某个作品或工作的判断
你需要指出某个工作比如设计方案之类的  

3.        Moreover, even the viewpoint from a man outside a given field should not also be ignored. 比如在商业领域：制造商通过向消费者征求反馈信息来调整产品的质量和使用价值；在政治领域，政府官员通过向民众征求意见，适时调整自己的施政方针，使政府更好的服务人民，从而使社会更加和谐稳定

同上 需要指出某个具体的work 可以是某个政策或方案 一定要紧扣题目的字眼


总的来说结构思路都不错 注意例子要扣题

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美版2016offer达人

8楼
发表于 2014-11-6 00:01:32 |只看该作者
0点压哨:lol
TS: In any given field, critical judgment is surely an indispensable procedure to evaluate works as well as appraise their producers. However, whether these valuable judgment should only come from the expert in that certain field depends on its type. Specifically, pure science fields of study such as Mathematics could only depend on the judgment from experts, some interdisciplinary subjects such as Economics should respect the opinion from expert in other field as well, and in applied area sometimes the judgment from normal people may outweigh that of experts.

Ts1: Since pure science fields always tend to be convolute and seldom intersect with other subjects, only the judgment from the experts is valuable. 艰深的科学领域往往只有同领域专家才能掌握足够的专业知识和业界经验来评判作品价值。又因为与其他领域交集少，其他领域专家的意见参考价值有限。

Ts2: As for interdisciplinary subjects, the evaluation of the work must combine the judgment from relevant field of study. 经济学为例，必须参考来自社会学市场学心理学法学政治学的专家的评判。

Ts3: Furthermore, in some applied fields the judgment from experts may even subordinate to that of non-expert. 酒店管理业，以顾客体验与判断为第一。酒店管理人员就算在菜肴赌博公关方面再有经验，最后他们的意见还是要服从于顾客这些门外汉的意见。

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9楼
发表于 2014-11-6 00:20:32 |只看该作者
本帖最后由 skywongchiu 于 2014-11-6 23:19 编辑
tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-5 20:53
Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is  ...


the score is not gd, u have already make a clear point, my writing is out of the scope....indeed, all the points mentioned above were the points that i wrote in the exam.... starting from now, i need to work hard and please supervise our work.



By the way, I have revised the work according to Wang sir's comment, would you please give me further advice.
Thanks.



Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.



批判性的判断在任何领域当中都是没什么用处的,除非判断来自于该领域专家。
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.【第一类写作指导】



回應老師 练习一
根据下面的分析，写出1+3四个完整的英语句子以及汉语展开

The speaker assumes that only the expert is eligible to make a critical commend regarding other people work because the speaker believes that the expert has a better understanding about the field while compared with the rest of social members. Thus, the expert is eligible to critically teach the rest of the people to correct their mistakes. I partly agree with the speaker’s argument. I do not doubt that experts’ comment are useful while we make an attempt to learn how to perfect our work according to the regulation created by the field’ experts. However, once the scope of discussion extends to the area of innovation, experts are not capable to supervise or give comment regarding other people work. I explain my reasoning as follows.

1. To begin with, while the discussion related to schooling, I do not doubt that teachers are capable to critically judge students’ homework. 這是因為相學生來說, 老師對學科知識的要求的掌握比同學較好。當教育局設定學科課程的時候, 老師是被邀請參加課程的制定。政策制定者一定相對非政策制定者更加了解教育局對學生的要求。所以, 老師有能力評估學生對學科知識的掌握是否足夠和準確。

2. Furthermore, it is commonly true that a team leader has the ability in evaluating the teammates work according to the company requirement. 這是因為組長是属於公司的管理階層。換句話來說,組長會制定一套機制去評估其他員工的工作。所以, 組長有能力評估普通員工的工作是否能夠達到公司的要求。

3. However, while the scope of discussion extends to the judgment of innovative work, experts’ comment is not important. 這是因為創意產品是來自"Think out of the box", 而不是跟蹤專家的意見。換一種說法是，若果只是單方面遵守專家的意見，新的產品是不可以被發明/生產出來的。只有不跟隨專家的思想，發明家才可以跳出玩有的局限。所以, 尊家的意見對於發明家的產品是不重要的。

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10楼
发表于 2014-11-6 22:47:02 |只看该作者
Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Is critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field? In my opinion, people should consider different situations and aspects. While in such area like mathematic physical and some other pure theories, professional expert should play an important role in judgment of the work, in some other places, just like music, popular culture, pedestrian also can afford valuable suggestion of such work, in fact these critical judgments is necessary.

In most of Pure science, the judgment from experts who has plenty of experience is crucial to the development of such area. 科学研究要求技术比较高，一般人不会，所以一般人的评价往往是不正确的。 业内专家有着丰富的经验，他们的评价可以起到指导作用。举例诺贝尔奖的评选过程。

But with the development of science and technology, more and more interaction of different professional areas appears. This new situation induces that experts from one single area cannot handle the whole knowledge of his or her research. They need more help from experts in other parts. 举例比如物理学，需要数学的帮助。 运动生物力学，需要体育，物理的知识。有时候一个领域问题的解决，往往是因为其他相关领域取得了突破。

In fact, in some field just like pop culture, the critical judgment from experts is valueless comparing with common people, because only most people accept and like some kinds of pop culture it can be seen as a success style. 举例，比如MJ的音乐，虽然绝大部分他的fans不会作曲，但是不代表MJ的音乐不成功。一个广告设计师水平的高低，不是看他的学历，而是看他的作品是否被大多数人所认可。


PS.

我觉得楼主提供的思路很好，就是分成不同的情况，然后在不同的情况下，思考题目的正确与否，这样就会有一个系统的有层次的框架。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

11楼
发表于 2014-11-7 13:25:17 |只看该作者
max940623 发表于 2014-11-6 00:01
0点压哨
TS: In any given field, critical judgment is surely an indispensable procedure to evalu ...

issue 108

Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


TS: In any given field, critical judgment is surely an indispensable procedure to evaluate works as well as appraise their producers. However, whether these valuable judgment should only come from the expert in that certain field depends on its type. Specifically, pure science fields of study such as Mathematics could only depend on the judgment from experts, some interdisciplinary subjects such as Economics should respect the opinion from expert in other field as well, and in applied area sometimes the judgment from normal people may outweigh that of experts.

depends on its type 这里是什么意思 没说清楚



Ts1: Since pure science fields always tend to be convolute and seldom intersect with other subjects, only the judgment from the experts is valuable. 艰深的科学领域往往只有同领域专家才能掌握足够的专业知识和业界经验来评判作品价值。又因为与其他领域交集少，其他领域专家的意见参考价值有限。

tend to be convolute(d) 这个表达有些问题


Ts2: As for interdisciplinary subjects, the evaluation of the work must combine the judgment from relevant field of study. 经济学为例，必须参考来自社会学市场学心理学法学政治学的专家的评判。

evaluation combine的搭配有问题


Ts3: Furthermore, in some applied fields the judgment from experts may even subordinate to that of non-expert. 酒店管理业，以顾客体验与判断为第一。酒店管理人员就算在菜肴赌博公关方面再有经验，最后他们的意见还是要服从于顾客这些门外汉的意见。

这里要注意强调某种work  比如the training program for staff  


总的来说 这个提纲写得不错 但语言表达的问题较多  

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美版2016offer达人

12楼
发表于 2014-11-7 21:15:38 |只看该作者
tesolchina 发表于 2014-11-7 13:25
issue 108

Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from so ...

按照您的点评改动了提纲后，写的全文
Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.
批判性的判断在任何领域当中都是没什么用处的,除非判断来自于该领域专家。
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.【第一类写作指导】
KW: critical judgment, any field, value, expert

In any given field, critical judgment from specialists is surely an indispensable procedure to evaluate works as well as appraise their producers. However, the statement that valuable judgment can only come from the expert may not hold true in all fields. Specifically, pure science fields of study such as Mathematics could entirely depend on the judgment from experts, some interdisciplinary subjects such as Economics should respect the opinion from expert in other field as well, and in applied area sometimes the judgment from normal people may outweigh that of experts.

Since pure science fields are convoluted and seldom intersect with other subjects, only the judgment from the experts is valuable. For instance, the relative theory and the quantum mechanics that reveal the limit of seemingly universal rule, Newton’s Law, must be evaluated by specialists in theoretical physics. According to my experience, the layman will have difficulty judging or even understanding these intricate theories due to the lack of specialized knowledge. Besides, these two works have limited relevance to other subjects. In fact, the relative theory and the quantum mechanics even appears to contrast with common mathematical rules, which makes the judgment from mathematicians futile or even misleading. 这一段以例子的总结结尾可以吗？还是一定要回到主题句？

As for interdisciplinary subjects, the evaluation of the work must refer to the judgment from relevant field of study. Assuming that we are the stock holders in this market, without doubt we will fail in fierce competition barely relying on the economists’ judgment. When the economists try hard to predict the price of a stock based on demand and supply relationship, other factors such as political environment, social change and consumers’ mind also have a great impact on any stock. In this case, our evaluation on a stock should respect the opinion from other fields, especially politics, sociology and psychology. 尝试了您说的思想实验法。。。不知道对不对

Furthermore, in some applied fields the judgment from experts may even subordinate to that of non-expert. For example, the self-evaluation on service in a hotel will treasure the customers’ comment more than that from hotel administration. Admittedly, the hotel mangers surely have more experience and knowledge in this field. However in applied field like the service industry, the one and only one principle is to fulfill the requirement of the consumers, even if they are non-expert and frequently make “mistakes” in rating from the perspective of the experts. 这点不知道该怎么说，就成了炒冷饭翻来覆去地说
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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

13楼
发表于 2014-11-8 17:12:56 |只看该作者
skywongchiu 发表于 2014-11-6 00:20
the score is not gd, u have already make a clear point, my writing is out of the scope....indeed ...

Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.



批判性的判断在任何领域当中都是没什么用处的,除非判断来自于该领域专家。
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.【第一类写作指导】



回應老師 练习一
根据下面的分析，写出1+3四个完整的英语句子以及汉语展开

The speaker assumes that only the expert is eligible to make a critical commend regarding other people work because the speaker believes that the expert has a better understanding about the field while compared with the rest of social members. Thus, the expert is eligible to critically teach the rest of the people to correct their mistakes. For example, I define the experts as teachers. I do not doubt that teachers who are capable to give commend regarding to students work while the students are learning how to obey the social norms and how to perform their rules according to the social norms. However, once the scope of discussion extends to the area of innovation, experts are not capable to supervise or give comment regarding other people work. I explain my reasoning as follows.


social members这个说法有问题
不明白你为什么局限于老师作为专家
how to obey the social norms and how to perform their rules  这些已经脱离了题目所讨论的对作品、工作的评价
主旨句和主题句没有一一呼应


1. To begin with, I do not doubt that teachers – the expert in guiding students to learn about the social rules – are capable to evaluate students’ behavior in terms of social mores. 這是因為老師在大學求學時, 老師是被訓練去學習社會道德, 和如何教導學生有關社會道德的資訊。因此, 當有學生行為失誤時, 老師很容易便察覺學生不當的行為。同一時間, 因為老師對道德有相當的了解, 老師有足夠的能力評估學生的行為和教導學生如何改善不正當的行為。在這情況之下, 學生可以透過老師的教導去改善自己的不當行為。

整段话离题


2. However, while the score of discussion extends to teach students or someone to be critical or innovative, experts’ are not capable to supervise their works. 這是因為創意是來自"Think out of the box", 而不是跟蹤專家的意見。換一種說法是，若果只是單方面遵守專家的意見，新的產品是不可以被發明/生產出來的。只有不跟隨專家的思想，發明家才可以把全新的 產品生產出來。


score? scope
这个观点也离题了
建议你根据我楼上的思路来练习


3. Furthermore, it is not reasonable to say that only the expert is allowed to critically commend on someone’s work because of his or her super knowledge, and hence someone would be benefit. 很多時候，一個成功的概念/產品的靈感是來自於第三方（非該方面的專才)。專家大多數時間都局限於自己的知識領域，而沒有真正思考普羅大眾的想法。另一方 面，第三方的人才往往可以看到大眾的需要，所以他們的概念/產品比較容易得到其他人的認同。

Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value
你用allowed这个词和原题的意思有很大的出入

super -> superb
someone would be benefit 语法



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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

14楼
发表于 2014-11-10 22:04:36 |只看该作者
max940623 发表于 2014-11-7 21:15
按照您的点评改动了提纲后，写的全文
Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value  ...

In any given field, critical judgment from specialists is surely an indispensable procedure to evaluate works as well as appraise their producers. However, the statement that valuable judgment can only come from the expert may not hold true in all fields. Specifically, pure science fields of study such as Mathematics could entirely depend on the judgment from experts, some interdisciplinary subjects such as Economics should respect the opinion from expert in other field as well, and in applied area sometimes the judgment from normal people may outweigh that of experts.

句型和行文都挺好
可能主要的问题在选词方面
比如procedure这个词用在这里不合适 judgment肯定不是一个步骤
然后depnd on这个词也用的不太好
specifically这一句的第一个expert后面加一个 experts within the field 或许好些  
然后respect这个词也用得不太好 因为subject是不能respect的
outweigh这个词也用得不太合适



或许你在选词的时候要注意一下
关于搭配可以用语料库（见我的教学博客）


Since pure science fields are convoluted and seldom intersect with other subjects, only the judgment from the experts is valuable. For instance, the relative theory and the quantum mechanics that reveal the limit of seemingly universal rule, Newton’s Law, must be evaluated by specialists in theoretical physics. According to my experience, the layman will have difficulty judging or even understanding these intricate theories due to the lack of specialized knowledge. Besides, these two works have limited relevance to other subjects. In fact, the relative theory and the quantum mechanics even appears to contrast with common mathematical rules, which makes the judgment from mathematicians futile or even misleading. 这一段以例子的总结结尾可以吗？还是一定要回到主题句？

relative theory - theory of relativity
limit - limitation
汗 物理学理论怎么可能和数学规则矛盾呢

感觉部分句子没有直接支持 主题句
你或许应该先说其他领域专家的意见没用
再说普通人的意见更没用
在论述的层次方面还要更清晰一些  



As for interdisciplinary subjects, the evaluation of the work must refer to the judgment from relevant field of study. Assuming that we are the stock holders in this market, without doubt we will fail in fierce competition barely relying on the economists’ judgment. When the economists try hard to predict the price of a stock based on demand and supply relationship, other factors such as political environment, social change and consumers’ mind also have a great impact on any stock. In this case, our evaluation on a stock should respect the opinion from other fields, especially politics, sociology and psychology. 尝试了您说的思想实验法。。。不知道对不对

Assuming that we are the stock holders in this market, without doubt we will fail in fierce competition barely relying on the economists’ judgment.这句话里并没有提到任何的work  感觉和主题句不相关
整段变成写evaluate stock而不是theoretical works of economists  
你想想为什么会这样



Furthermore, in some applied fields the judgment from experts may even subordinate to that of non-expert. For example, the self-evaluation on service in a hotel will treasure the customers’ comment more than that from hotel administration. Admittedly, the hotel mangers surely have more experience and knowledge in this field. However in applied field like the service industry, the one and only one principle is to fulfill the requirement of the consumers, even if they are non-expert and frequently make “mistakes” in rating from the perspective of the experts. 这点不知道该怎么说，就成了炒冷饭翻来覆去地说


还是要提醒你讨论必须切题

Critical judgment of work in any given field has little value unless it comes from someone who is an expert in that field.

在任何一个例子都要涉及
1 work 可以是科研成果 酒店的管理方案  
2 critical judgement  任何对相关工作的判断
3 from someone 各种专家或普通人
4 value  有没有价值或用处
你这一段好像没有明确的作品





self-evaluation指的是什么 为什么可以treasure

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15楼
发表于 2014-11-12 03:31:23 |只看该作者
Thesis: For the pure theoretical fields including pure mathematics and metaphilosophy, only experts of those realms of study can provide valuable critics of the work in those fields. For the fields that focus on both theories and application including public policy and finance, the expert from other relevant fields can offer judgment conducive to the work in those areas. For the fields that focus on the public application including media study and literature, the favors of the non-expert public are also significant.

1.        For the theoretical studies like pure math and metaphilosophy, the experts seem to be the only valuable source of evaluations.
a.        这些学科的理论非专家人士能理解，因此他们的意见不重要
b.        这些学科的发展并没有太多的其他领域的应用，因此其他领域专家的意见不重要
c.        行内专家对这些学科是最熟悉的，因此他们意见重要。

2.        In contrast, experts in other fields can offer essential views on the work in the fields that value both application and theories, including statistics and economics.
a.        某些学科的理论需要其他领域专家的点评，从而在该领域得到有效应用。例如公共政策和经济。
b.        某些学科的理论需要基于其他领域的理论，因此也需要其他领域专家的点评。例如金融和统计学：Black-Scholes Model是基于统计学的随机过程理论，因此需要统计学专家的意见来修正模型。
3.        Moreover, for the fields that heavily rely on the application to the public, the opinions of the non-expert are indispensable in improving the work on those fields.
a.        文学作品需要读者的意见
b.        传媒学的研究需要了解公众对大众媒体的偏好

4． Conclusion.

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计算机本科 西蒙菲莎sfu还是威斯康星uw2+2
计算机专业，以后打算选择人工智能相关方向，并且就业考虑得多一些，请问哪边更好呢？（威斯康星前两年在分校，假如顺利的话后两年会去麦迪逊校区）求回答，感谢！
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985计算机本跨申商科硕士，均分83.7，4年工作经验，只申请了英国，QS前50的目前只有KCL没通知了，估计也没信，爱丁堡、曼大、UCL都拒了，目前只有利兹和布里斯托的offer，麻烦大家给给建议！谢谢！
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自我介绍常用的分析方法仪器，具体原理根据说过的内容追问，简述一下...个人的优缺点未来的职业规划是什么反...
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