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赵祎
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发表于 2015-7-28 18:09:22 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-7-30 07:54 编辑

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GRE

argument 100

100) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
Jazz music is extremely popular in the city of Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Also, a number of well-known jazz musicians own homes in Monroe. Nevertheless, the nearest jazz club is over an hour away. Given the popularity of jazz in Monroe and a recent nationwide study indicating that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable.
Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

In this argument, the Author advocate that a new jazz club in Monroe would be presumably profitable as jazz is extremely popular in the city and people here would like to spend on jazz entertainment. Although it looks quite plausible at first glance, it may not withstand further scrutiny as it is actually base on numerous assumptions and premises that might not be true.

advocate 选词
actually base 动词用法

First of all, the arguer hastily assume that the great amount of people evidenced above connote that jazz is popular in the local. Though it is a possibility, there are other explanations. For instance, Monroe might be a place of interest that have a beautiful scenery and amiable weather condition which always attract many conferences or Festivals to be hold there. And people, in this case, might come to Monroe for the purpose of travel to attend the Festival from other places thus may not have any contribution to the are possible jazz market mentioned by the author.

great amount of people - number 选词
connote that - 选词
in the local - 词性
be hold- 动词用法
the purpose of travel - 动词用法
thus may not have any contribution句子结构
any contribution to the are p句子结构

Secondly, the author further assumes that the high rating of the weekly radio program "Jazz Nightly" may also the evidence that people in the city are fans of jazz so that they may join the proposed club. However, the scarce of concrete and appropriate evidence make the assumption untenable. Numerous other reasons could be listed for the high rate, 断句 maybe they are broadcasted at the most time when people would like listen to music for a relax, 断句 and it is also possible that the travelers on weekend give the high rate to the program. Unless the author could provide for information to rule out those and other possibilities, we could not easily be convinced by the argument.

scarce - 词性
However, the scarce of concrete and appropriate evidence make the assumption untenable 套话不合适不符合题目的要求  不要说假设不对只能说可能不对
listed选词

What's more, the author also make a premise that the result of nationwide study that people may spend that much money to jazz could also be applicable to this certain area. Actually, several problems are in this premise. First, we do not know whether the survey is reliable as the arguer doesn't provide any detail information about whether the participant are representative of the survey and if the pool of respondents is large enough to make it statistically significant. Second, even though the survey is reliable, it still could not be used to substantiate the author's position as there may be a huge gap between different areas, and the possibility that the situation in the certain city happens to be similar to the nationwide result is too rare that we have to cast doubt on it. Further, conceded that citizens in the area would really spend that much money on jazz, perhaps they may spend them on buying jazz instrument or attending jazz concerts instead of attending a jazz club.

make a premise 搭配
detail information- detailed
gap- variation

Last but not least, even though we concede all the assumptions above to be true, that is, jazz does really very popular in the city and citizens would like to pay a great deal of money for jazz club. However, if we think empirically, people may have already have attend the club an hour away. They may have already build customer-ship their and accustomed to the acitivities as well as friends their, so it is still a great concern that whether they would like to change to the nearby club at the sacrifice of their former friends and companions, only for the reason of saving an hours trip!

does really very popular语法
主题句不合适这段开头还是应该提出某个假设

To sum up, the author's argument just base on too many unreasonable assumptions and neither does the arguer provide us competent evidences to prove the conclusions, nor does he make a sound reasoning, both of which are necessities for a genuine conclusive and persuasive argument. Unless the arguer could provide us with more precise supplementary evidences as well as a more cogent deduction, we could not be convinced that the club could really be as profitable as the author proposed.

just base on句子结构

too many unreasonable assumptions

Ps: time about 45 minutes. 刚拿racer侧过自己的打字速度基本在30-40上下，实在是不是太慢了。
。
还有觉得这篇值得攻击的地方太多了，这种情况下是随便选几个写就行了还是要权衡一下写哪些啊？感觉自己在限制时间的情况下完全没有大脑去分析那个在前，那个在后，那个要或不要！这可重么办！

还有就是每个段落其实都少了点儿什么，就是类似于unless the author could provide..., we could not believe之类的，会有影响么？主要觉得时间是在不够写那些了，而且有点儿重复会不会？

欢迎点评指正修改意见~！本人托福渣写作才25，平时是在不愿练习，每次考试都是随便看看写作就得了。。。这次不愿凑合！坚决好好练习，希望GRe作文能突破3 这个瓶颈就好了！希望可以功夫不负有心人~！

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