[优秀习作] issue59, 思想哲学，谢谢提一些意见，感激！ [复制链接]

lq8186
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2003-12-9 10:20:15 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

现在写作文感觉还是太慢了，规定时间内根本完不成！
难道真的要每天都写才能提起速度来？谢谢指点！

59"Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them."

In our society, from schools to factories, from companies to shops, we can see clearly that people are paying a lot of attention and emphasis on role models. And I support the idea that we should learn from those "heroes" and "heroines" who act as role models in their groups but do not agree that all the other people, especially ordinary people to copy their ideas and deeds.

No matter if those role models are living in real or just are created by some writers and novelists, they do give us ordinary people amounts of help. On the one hand, we can learn from their values, character, and behavior and so on. I remember clearly that when I was at middle school, there's a classmate who not only are good at study and homework, but do well in sports and exercise, so he acted as a role model in our class and a "hero" in my eyes because he was such a good student that every other student respected him or even envied him. Without doubt, In order to be good as he was, I and a lot other students tried to imitate what he always did, to read what he always read. Although it seemed a bit of funny and ridiculous at first glance, we did have learned a lot from him and improved in our study and bodybuilding. On the other hand, Role models are very likely to help a group to increase its efficiency and products. There are many examples in our life, for instance, A clothes factory often prizes its most efficient worker, asking all the other workers to learn from him or her, and promises to increase salaries of those workers who can try themselves to emulate that role model and do a good job on clothes-production. Thenceforth, workers are enthusiastically stimulated to work hard and surly benefit their factories.

While in a sense imitating role models improve ordinary people and their groups, we can not copying their saying, ideas and deeds from toe to head. If we always say what they are saying, think in ways of what they are thinking and do what they are doing, we might loose ourselves and our own ways of living. Imagine we are living in a world in which all ordinary people are copying deeds of heroes, all people look the same and are not different from others, the horrible result is that we even probably can not differentiate each other and we lose our characteristics and freedom. Another result might be that we are becoming increasing lazy and always depending on other people. when students are doing their homework and projects, they do not make an effort to think and solve problems in their own way, they just copy what their role model's job. When researchers are doing an inquiry, they at times depend on methods, statistics, data and results of their role models who are in some kind of sense heroes and authorities. Consequently, most of them lose their originality and opportunities to make a bigger success as well. What's more, lots of people neglect that role models can also make errors or even lead the other people to opposite ways. Internet commerce in China a few years ago is a good example. A very famous corporation which rose up from the severe and fierce competition by means of its Internet commerce was regarded as a role model at that time when Internet companies were mushrooming at the beginning. A lot of other companies were imitating its commercial systems, methods and conceptions but did no see the faults and underlying emergency that successful company has because of its neglect of the market economy laws, so most of them went bankruptcy at last without taking immediate actions to set up new systems.

In sum, We should learn from our role models but that is not to say we should copy all of them, also we should be independent and not to be slaves of those authoritative role models.

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imong
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沙发

发表于 2003-12-9 15:53:44 |只看该作者

In our society, from schools to factories, from companies to shops, we can see clearly that people are paying a lot of attention and emphasis（又一个典型不搭配，一不小心就写出来pay emphasis on了） on role models. And I support the idea（如果你只是部分同意，不要这么写，别人看到这个开头肯定以为你是完全同意的） that we should learn from those "heroes" and "heroines" who act as role models in their groups but do not agree that all the other people, especially ordinary people to copy their ideas and deeds. 对题目的解析不够清楚。注意到了copying others和role model的区别，并且找到了too much emphasis这个关键字，但是没有能够在第一段把话说明白。

No matter if those role models are living in real（living in real没有这种表达）or just are are（多了一个are） created by some writers and (or) novelists, they do give us ordinary people amounts of help. On the one hand, we can learn from their values (learn from value??), character, and behavior and so on. I remember clearly that when I was at middle school, there's a classmate who not only are(is) good at study and homework, but do well in sports and exercise（not only but also,后边少了一个also或者as well，而且尽量避免在not only but also里面前面用be动词后面用一般动词，读起来太别扭）, so he acted as（是他主动要当role model的？） a role model in our class and a "hero" in my eyes because he was such a good student that every other student respected him or even envied him. Without doubt, In order to be good as he was, I and a lot other students（是不是“一堆同学and me”比较好一点？） tried to imitate what he always did, to read what he always read. Although it seemed a bit of funny and ridiculous （a bit of 后面不接形容词）at first glance, we did have learned a lot from him and improved in our study and bodybuilding. On the other hand, Role models are very likely to help a group to increase its efficiency and products（increase the what of product?）. There are many examples in our life, for instance, A clothes factory often prizes its most efficient worker, asking all the other workers to learn from him or her, and promises to increase salaries of(直接promise promotions for) those workers who can try themselves to emulate that role model and do a good job on clothes-production. Thenceforth, workers are enthusiastically stimulated to work hard and surly benefit their factories.
用词方面需要努力提高，中文痕迹和不规范的表达较多，后面的用词我不再给你改了。自己回过头推敲推敲。

立论的基本构架已经有了，要努力把一个complex的题目给解析清楚。因此表达一定要力争准确。

为了别人考虑，请点击你的帖子右下角的编辑，把文章改为比较友好的格式，尤其是换行的部分。

继续练习。学习学习别人的好的用词组句和NES的好文章，多动动脑子做总结，会提高得快一点。

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onezong1
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板凳

发表于 2005-4-9 11:52:15 |只看该作者

麻烦给个分..谢谢

------题目------
Too much emphasis is placed on role models. Instead of copying others, people should learn to think and act independently and thus make the choices that are best for them.
------正文------
Whether copying from our role models is ultimately more beneficial or detrimental is a complicated problem full of controversy. Everyone may have one’s own opinion about this issue, while I advocate this statement with little reservation. Some models seem to have played vital roles in our lives, but the necessity of merely copying models is still doubtful.

The models we meet in our lives affected us in many aspects. We have heroes in the ancient tales and stories in the book; we have famous singers and football players to be our idols. The most common model in our life may be our parents who enlightened us in our early ages. Since we were born with such little consciousnesses, the only thing we can do is seeing what parents do, listening to them and learning to think in the way they told us to do, the period we experienced is a long way of imitating. When we grow up, parents' words remained in our minds still seem to be useful, and their attitudes towards the world may guide us during our whole lives.

Not denying the necessity of the models set by parents, however, when we are not the ignorant children as we once were, merely imitating the models may lead us to a wrong way of living. Of course, our role models such as our parents and teachers cannot be perfect in every aspect, so what we learned from them may not always be right. It is terrible to emulate the wrong doings of the models because they affected us so much that we can not get rid of them. Maybe you want to become a political leader, and your role model is Bill Clinton, the former president of the United States, who did a good job in developing the country's economy. You can copy the wise brain and the optimistic attitude from him, but it is terrible for you to copy his role of a husband that might lead you to unfortunate divorce.

Simple imitation also results in laziness and dependence since one does not suffer him or her of thinking and analyzing. In the era of rapid technological and social change, if one just be able to repeat what the models have done before, hardly could he (her) earn a better living in the modern society. The most urgent condition we need to succeed is a creative way of thinking instead of imitating. Just as the old Chinese saying: The first one to do something is a talent, the second is a common person with little ability, and the third one is just a boob. And bases on the obvious situation that everyone has one's own characters and advantages, it is hard for one to succeed in the exact same way the model has taken.

Anyhow, this is a complex issue which will be given multiplex answers depending on different backgrounds and experiences. Nevertheless, I believe that as the time pass by, more and more people will realize that copying from role models have great effects in one's early ages, and become useless in the modern way of life.

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