[a习作temp] 第一片argument1，烂到极点请拍砖！ [复制链接]

fason
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电梯直达

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发表于 2004-12-31 14:34:36 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
'Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.'

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In the argument, the arguer concludes that the company should build their next new store in Plainsville. To substantiate the argument, the arguer points out that residents of Plainsville are highly concerned their healthy lives. Meanwhile the arguer cites the report that sales of shoes and exercise clothing are very highly. The argument is well-presented, but not well-reasons. After a careful examining, I think it suffers several flaws, as illustrates below.

In the first place, the arguer assumes that the residents of Plainsville are very concerned their healthy lives, However he or she does not provides sufficient evidence to support it. Even The arguer points out that the sales of sports products including shoes and exercise clothing are considerably. Actually, it is not a good reasons that the residents like sports. There are some other factors may contributed the highly sales, such as the product of this area are always sold to other area. Moreover, the residents that buying the sports products are not go to the stores of the company.

In the second place, the arguer indicates that the local health club have more business than five years ago and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. On the one hand, that the local health club have more business is not mean the new store will be profitable. On the other hand, many residents are willing go to the weight training and aerobics classes, however they are not necessarily go to the company 's new store.

Last but not least, the arguer thinks that Plainsville's schoolchildren will become a new generation of customers of the new store. He or she indicates that the schools require the children to participate in a 'fitness for life' program that emphasizing the benefits of regular exercise at an early age. However the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. In fact, the children that participating the program are not consequentially become the customers. Firstly, when the children become adults, their conception of the life is possible change. Secondly, the children have the choices to shopping in other stores in the futures.

To sum up, the argument is plausible, however not persuasive . To strengthen the it, the arguer should provide more information about the consume prefer of the residents to the healthy related-products. Even with this evidence, in order to properly evaluate the argument, I would have to know that the development of the other company in this area and the material condition of the children program. If the argument including those evidence discussed above, it would been more sound and adequate.

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flyingwind
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沙发

发表于 2004-12-31 17:28:02 |只看该作者

呵呵，本来想改的
但是。。。。。
的确写的不敢恭维，建议多看看范文吧

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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fason
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板凳

发表于 2005-1-1 17:04:09 |只看该作者

Re: 第一片argument1，烂到极点请拍砖！

:o :o :o :o

水平太差，可是没有办法，硬着头皮也得上啊。希望能慢慢提高一些；（
自己又改了一下。请大侠指正。

In the argument, the arguer recommends that the company should build their next new store in Plainsville. To substantiate the argument, the arguer points out the following facts: 1) the residents of Plainsville are highly concerned their healthy lives; 2) the sales of shoes and exercise clothing are very highly in the area. To support the recommendation, the arguer also cites the fact that the local club has more business and the schoolchildren are required to participate in a exercise program. After a careful examining, I think the argument is well presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. It suffers from several critical flaws, which render it unpersuasive as illustrated below.
In the first place, the arguer assumes that the residents of Plainsville are very concerned their healthy, yet he or she does not provides sufficient evidence to support it. Even if the arguer points out that the sales of sports products including shoes and exercise clothing are considerably. However it is not a good reason to bolster the conclusion. There are some other factors may contributed to the highly sales, such as the product of this area are perhaps sold to other areas. Moreover, the residents that buying the sports products are not sure go to the stores of the company.
In the second place, the arguer rules out that the local health club has more business than five years ago and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. It is not follow that the Nature's Way will be more profitable. On the one hand, that the local health club has more business is not meaning that the new store will have the same condition. The consumers of the club might think they are healthful and never want go to buy health food and other health-related products from the Nature’s Way. On the other hand, even if many people are willing go to the weight training and aerobics classes, they are not necessarily go to the company 's new store and become the consumers of the NW.
Last but not least, the arguer thinks that Plainsville's schoolchildren will become a new generation of customers of the new store. He or she indicates that the schools require the children to participate in a 'fitness for life' program that emphasizing the benefits of regular exercise at an early age. In fact, the arguer commits a fallacy of hasty generalization. As we know, the children that participating the program are not consequentially become the customers of the NW. When the children become adults, their conception and habits about the healthful life is very possible change. And the children also have rights to make decisions whether or not go shopping in the NW stores in the futures.
To sum up, the argument seems to be plausible, however it neither sound nor persuasive as it stands. To make it more convincing, the arguer should provide more information about the consumer’s prefer to the healthy related-products. Even with this evidence, in order to properly evaluate the argument, I would need to know that what competition the company might face in this area and the material condition of the children program. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above, I think it would have been more thorough and adequate.

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