寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托学术类备考版 › GRE作文互动版 › Argument159 7月高频机经还有5天就考了，大家照顾下小弟 ...

返回列表

查看: 769|回复: 4

[a习作temp] Argument159 7月高频机经还有5天就考了，大家照顾下小弟，拍吧 [复制链接]

ironcat
UID：2119178

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 575
注册时间: 2005-7-20
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-24 19:13:04 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument159 :victory:

题目：159The nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. But despite wide geographic differences, many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. A recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that families who cooled their houses with fans alone spent more on electricity than did families using air conditioners alone for cooling. However, those households that reported using both fans and air conditioners spent less on electricity than those households that used either fans or air conditioners alone. Thus, the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity.

In this argument, the arguer recommends that the citizens of Claria should use both air conditioners and fans in order to reduce the cost on electricity. To support this recommendation, the arguer notes that a recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that using both fans and air conditioners spent the lest on electricity. However, close scrutiny of this study and arguer's conclusion reveals some specious flaws.

In the first place, the arguer certainly assumes that the study is reliable and rational. However, no evidences are adduced to substantiate this assumption. As we know from the article, the nation of Claria covers a vast physical area and thus the climates in different area are likely large different. And, the people who use fans or use air conditioners may live in different areas. It is entirely possible that the people who use fans live in hotter place. So their electricity costs are quite likely to be higher. Ignoring the area differences, the study merely based on what citizens use to cool their houses is indefensible.

In the second place, the conclusion indicates that if the citizens use both air conditioners and fans to cool their houses, they will save more money. However, no evidence is adduced to corroborate that this is the case. It is quite possible that the electricity used to cool people’s houses do not play an important role in their cost on electricity. For instance, perhaps the TV sets, the refrigerators, computers and so forth are possible to be the crucial factors in the cost on electricity. If so, the conclusion drawn from fans and air conditioners here is untenable.
In the third place, even if it is granted that the cost on electricity could be reduced by obeying the study’s conclusion, the cost in other fields of the citizens may rise by following the arguer’s recommendation. For instance, if the citizens who only own the fans want to follow the recommendation, the have to buy the new air conditioners. The cost of new air conditioners in Claria will may be much higher than the more cost for citizens still using fans rather than using both fans and air conditioners. If this is the case, the recommendation is also unpersuasive.

To sum up, the recommendation of the arguer is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the recommendation, more evidence should be adduced to substantiate the rationality of the study. Additionally, it should be proven that the cost of electric cooling is the most significant part of the overall cost on electricity. Furthermore, the arguer need to point out that the money used to buy a new air conditioner is less than the extra cost of running just the fans.
:handshake:handshake:handshake:handshake:handshake:handshake:handshake:handshake

[ Last edited by ironcat on 2005-7-24 at 20:09 ]

回应
0

使用道具举报

ardorous
UID：2115432

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 622
注册时间: 2005-7-10
精华: 0
帖子: 1

沙发

发表于 2005-7-25 00:52:46 |只看该作者

占座先，明天来

使用道具举报

ironcat
UID：2119178

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 575
注册时间: 2005-7-20
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2005-7-25 08:36:28 |只看该作者

:p谢先:handshake

使用道具举报

ardorous
UID：2115432

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 622
注册时间: 2005-7-10
精华: 0
帖子: 1

地板

发表于 2005-7-26 12:41:48 |只看该作者

先道歉了

题目：159The nation of Claria covers a vast physical area. But despite wide geographic differences, many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. A recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that families who cooled their houses with fans alone spent more on electricity than did families using air conditioners alone for cooling. However, those households that reported using both fans and air conditioners spent less on electricity than those households that used either fans or air conditioners alone. Thus, the citizens of Claria should follow the study's recommendation and use both air conditioners and fans in order to save money on electricity.

In this argument, the arguer recommends that the citizens of Claria should use both air conditioners and fans in order to reduce the cost on electricity. To support this recommendation, the arguer notes that a recent study of household electric costs in Claria found that using both fans and air conditioners spent the lest(least) on electricity. However, close scrutiny of this study and arguer's conclusion reveals some specious flaws.(不错的开头)

In the first place, the arguer certainly（是想表达肯定吗，我不确定这个词可否这样用） assumes that the study is reliable and rational. However, no evidences are adduced to substantiate this assumption. As we know from the article, the nation of Claria covers a vast physical area and thus the climates in different area are likely large（largely） different. And(Also吧，连词不能那么用吧), the people who use fans or use air conditioners may live in different areas. It is entirely possible that the people who use fans live in hotter place. So their electricity costs are quite likely to be higher. Ignoring the area differences, the study merely based on what citizens use to cool their houses is indefensible.（你这里是说数据的可信度的，但没有很好区分三种情况，只用a的，只用b的，都用的。在这个基础上再比较地区差异才好，还有用的时间长短也是原因吧，甚至电费不同也算一个吧）

In the second place, the conclusion indicates that if the citizens use both air conditioners and fans to cool their houses, they will save more money. However, no evidence is adduced to corroborate（和前面一段开头方式相同，好的是用了corraborate，不好的是又用了adduced to） that this is the case. It is quite possible that the electricity used to cool people’s houses do not play an important role in their cost on electricity. For instance, perhaps the TV sets, the refrigerators, computers and so forth are possible to be the crucial factors in the cost on electricity. If so, the conclusion drawn from fans and air conditioners here is untenable. (这一段很清晰)

In the third place, even if it is granted that the cost on electricity could be reduced by obeying the study’s conclusion, the cost in other fields of the citizens may rise by following the arguer’s recommendation. For instance, if the citizens who only own the fans want to follow the recommendation, the have to buy the new air conditioners. The cost of new air conditioners in Claria will may be much higher than the more cost for citizens still using fans rather than using both fans and air conditioners. If this is the case, the recommendation is also unpersuasive.（这一段的观点例文上没有，这还可说以下有些地方不需要两个都有吧）

To sum up, the recommendation of the arguer is unconvincing as it stands. To strengthen the recommendation, more evidence should be adduced to substantiate the rationality of the study. Additionally, it should be proven that the cost of electric cooling is the most significant part of the overall cost on electricity. Furthermore, the arguer need to point out that the money used to buy a new air conditioner is less than the extra cost of running just the fans.
基本上已经很好了，特别是对于a的关键词，corroborate, substantiate, unpersuasive, be untenable这些词大家用的很少，好了，考试顺利啊，不要怨我了，我不是故意的

使用道具举报

Hellraiser
UID：2103102

中级会员

Rank: 4

声望: 0
寄托币: 1324
注册时间: 2005-5-20
精华: 0
帖子: 4

5楼

发表于 2005-7-27 00:20:07 |只看该作者

还有一点可以说,就是argument中提到了 many citizens are experiencing rising costs of electricity. 但并没有提到the specific cost of electricity in respective regions of the whole nation.It is entirly possible that though all the citizens in each a area of the nation suffer from a rising costs of electricity ,yet the present cost of electricity in the zone where people use both aie conditioners and fans are actrually lower than other areas...so,on....

使用道具举报