寄托家园留学论坛 › 论坛 › 寄托学术类备考版 › GRE作文互动版 › issue185 scandals 居然一个小时就没话说了,欢迎互拍

返回列表

查看: 1075|回复: 6

[i习作temp] issue185 scandals 居然一个小时就没话说了,欢迎互拍 [复制链接]

ahqiu
UID：207682

高级会员

Rank: 5 Rank: 5

声望: 0
寄托币: 1646
注册时间: 2005-5-1
精华: 0
帖子: 1

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-20 18:35:24 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue185
——题目——
Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problem in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
——正文——
Scandals caused alarm on the hidden social problems, and help the society to supervise the operation in various systems. They tend to have a widespread influence, which can not be made by any speaker or reformer. In this sense, I fundamentally concur with the speaker that Scandals serve to reveal problems that our society should address, but it is harmful to overemphasize on these scandals, for it will remove public attention on social problems, and lead public made distorted judgment.

On one hand, scandals can initiate public to think about the ethics and behavior of people involved in the scandal, which motivate these persons to improve their performance and values. It will not take us too far to see the sexual scandals of famous people, including presidents, officials, professors, managers and so on. People will find that it is amazing that these famous persons appear to be so honest that were regarded as holding higher standards than ordinary citizens. However, the scandals made people to reexamine these prominent persons and also alarm on other people who have the inclination to depart from the codes of ethics. For example, Americans do not like Bill Clinton, for he lie to his people, which also warns the future politicians that no facet of their private life is off-limits to people’s scrutiny. No public speaker or reformer could call the national attention to the problem of presidential misconduct unless the scandal has been found.

Besides, scandals help us to discover the existing problems and unfair phenomenon, which make the government to investigate and resolve them. Some of the scandals expose the long existing deficiency of legislation in those fields. For example, the multinational company, Parmalat knocked the siren of financial system in every company once again after Enron, which made the government investigate the reason why millions of pounds have evaporated into the air so as to modify the financial legislations again. Obviously, reformers and speaker are able to reflect such problems without these facts. Therefore, our society needs scandals which exert momentum on legislators to promulgate more effective legislations and modify the imperfect systems continuously.

On the other hand, scandals tend to deny the achievement of people and institutions involved in the scandals by distracting common people from object evaluation and judgment. As the development of mass media, information can be available to public easily and quickly. However, most of them compete to provide the public with appealing news, rather than tell the truth, so as to catch consumers’ curiosity. These distorted information make people ignore the problem itself, moreover, they tend to make unfair judgment to these persons and institutions. For example, the scandal between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky has probably overtaken the entire eight years of his administration, which actually should not be effaced. Another example is that Parmalat made a great contribution to Italian's GDP and the manager has been regarded as local hero. However, these highlight were shaded with scandals. As a result, people tend to neglect the successful experience of those people and institutions involved in the scandals, which made our society lost precious wealth.

To sum up, I have to admit that too much emphasis on scandals tend to be harmful, however, it sever as siren to all the people and institutions, furthermore, our society needs scandals to get more progress in systems of various fields,

谢谢你，虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花，你却给了我银色的世界。

回应
0

使用道具举报

ahqiu
UID：207682

高级会员

Rank: 5 Rank: 5

声望: 0
寄托币: 1646
注册时间: 2005-5-1
精华: 0
帖子: 1

沙发

发表于 2005-7-21 10:51:13 |只看该作者

自己顶一下，呵呵

谢谢你，虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花，你却给了我银色的世界。

使用道具举报

fircatty
UID：166248

高级会员

Rank: 5 Rank: 5

声望: 0
寄托币: 1839
注册时间: 2004-6-6
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2005-7-21 10:58:42 |只看该作者

这道题好像还蛮高频的吧，占个座，待会贴上来~~

挑战10/22！

使用道具举报

yuchen
UID：2111079

中级会员

Rank: 4

声望: 0
寄托币: 759
注册时间: 2005-6-24
精华: 0
帖子: 1

地板

发表于 2005-7-21 14:31:41 |只看该作者

Scandals caused[cause] alarm on the hidden social problems, and help the society to supervise the operation[operations] in various systems. They tend to have a widespread influence, which can not be made by any speaker or reformer. In this sense, I fundamentally concur with the speaker that Scandals serve to reveal problems that our society should address, but it is harmful to overemphasize on these scandals, for it will remove public attention on social problems, and lead public made [make]distorted judgment.

On one hand[on the one hand], scandals can initiate public to think about the ethics and behavior of people involved in the scandal, which motivate these persons to improve their performance[performances] and values. It will not take us too far to see the sexual scandals of famous people, including presidents, officials, professors, managers and so on. People will find that it is amazing that these famous persons appear to be so honest that were[was] regarded as holding higher standards than ordinary citizens. However, the scandals made people to reexamine these prominent persons and also alarm on other people who have the inclination to depart from the codes of ethics.[把made和alarm改成一个时态] For example, Americans do not like Bill Clinton, for he lie[lied] to his people, which also warns the future politicians that no facet of their private life is off-limits to people’s scrutiny. No public speaker or reformer could call the national attention to the problem of presidential misconduct unless the scandal has been found.

Besides, scandals help us to discover the existing problems and unfair phenomeno[最好写成phenomena和前面的problems一致]n, which make the government to investigate and resolve them. Some of the scandals expose the long existing deficiency of legislation in those fields. For example, the multinational company, Parmalat knocked the siren of financial system in every company once again after Enron, which made the government investigate the reason why millions of pounds have evaporated into the air so as to modify the financial legislations again. Obviously, reformers and speaker are able to reflect such problems without these facts. Therefore, our society needs scandals which exert momentum on legislators to promulgate more effective legislations and modify the imperfect systems continuously.

On the other hand, scandals tend to deny the achievement of people and institutions involved in the scandals by distracting common people from object[objective] evaluation and judgment. As the development of mass media, information can be available to public easily and quickly. However, most of them compete to provide the public with appealing news, rather than tell the truth, so as to catch consumers’ curiosity. These distorted information make people ignore the problem itself, moreover, they tend to make unfair judgment to these persons and institutions. For example, the scandal between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky has probably overtaken the entire eight years of his administration, which actually should not be effaced. Another example is that Parmalat made a great contribution to Italian's GDP and the manager has been regarded as local hero. However, these highlight were shaded with scandals. As a result, people tend to neglect the successful experience of those people and institutions involved in the scandals, which made our society lost precious wealth.

To sum up, I have to admit that too much emphasis on scandals tend[tends] to be harmful, however, it sever[severs] as siren to all the people and institutions, furthermore, our society needs scandals to get more progress in systems of various fields.
总结：结构语言都不错，只是有一些小语法错误，比我得好很多
我也写了这篇，帮忙看看，谢了！
http://edu.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

使用道具举报

ahqiu
UID：207682

高级会员

Rank: 5 Rank: 5

声望: 0
寄托币: 1646
注册时间: 2005-5-1
精华: 0
帖子: 1

5楼

发表于 2005-7-21 15:22:03 |只看该作者

回复 #4 yuchen 的帖子

呵呵，我写的时候就觉得好多时态搞不清楚，晕
谢谢你那么仔细的改

谢谢你，虽然我只想亲吻一片雪花，你却给了我银色的世界。

使用道具举报

fircatty
UID：166248

高级会员

Rank: 5 Rank: 5

声望: 0
寄托币: 1839
注册时间: 2004-6-6
精华: 0
帖子: 0

6楼

发表于 2005-7-21 15:41:33 |只看该作者

Issue185
——题目——
Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problem in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.
——正文——
Scandals caused alarm on the hidden social problems, and help the society to supervise the operation in various systems. They tend to have a widespread influence, which can not be made by any speaker or reformer. In this sense, I fundamentally concur with the speaker that Scandals serve to reveal problems that our society should address, but it is harmful to overemphasize on these scandals, for it will remove public attention on social problems, and lead public to made distorted judgment.

On one hand, scandals can initiate public to think about the ethics and behavior of people involved in the scandal, which motivate motivates these persons to improve their performance and values. It will not take us too far to see the sexual scandals of famous people, including presidents, officials, professors, managers and so on. People will find that it is amazing that these famous persons appear to be so honest that were regarded as holding higher standards than ordinary citizens. However, the scandals made people to reexamine these prominent persons and also alarm on other people who have the inclination to depart from the codes of ethics.从第二段到这里，感觉实在太罗嗦了，建议精简一下 For example, Americans do not like Bill Clinton, for he lie to his people, which 这个which指代什么，感觉这个非限制性从句用得不好，不如直接说the sexual scandal also warns the future politicians that no facet of their private life 这一句感觉很怪，私生活受监督，怕~~不如说任何违背道德法律的行为都受监督 is off-limits to people’s scrutiny. No public speaker or reformer could call the national attention to the problem of presidential misconduct unless the scandal has been found.这一段从道德的角度说丑闻，我觉得其实不太容易说清楚，因为道德的标准本来就是变化的，再说每个人的观念不一样，你怎么知道没有人是支持Clinton的呢？

Besides, scandals help us to discover the existing problems and unfair phenomenon, which make the government to investigate and resolve them. Some of the scandals expose the long existing deficiency of legislation in those fields. For example, the multinational company, Parmalat knocked the siren of financial system in every company once again after Enron, which made the government investigate the reason why millions of pounds have evaporated into the air so as to modify the financial legislations again. Obviously, reformers and speaker are able to reflect such problems without these facts. Therefore, our society needs scandals which exert momentum on legislators to promulgate more effective legislations and modify the imperfect systems continuously.

On the other hand, scandals tend to deny the achievement of people and institutions involved in the scandals by distracting common people from object evaluation and judgment. As the development of mass media, information can be available to public easily and quickly. However, most of them compete to provide the public with appealing news, rather than tell the truth, so as to catch consumers’ curiosity. These distorted information make people ignore the problem itself, moreover, they tend to make unfair judgment to these persons and institutions. For example, the scandal between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky has probably overtaken the entire eight years of his administration, 举例的时候，我个人认为最好不要用probably这样的字眼，你自己都觉得是probably的，怎么能说服别人呢 which actually should not be effaced. Another example is that Parmalat made a great contribution to Italian's GDP and the manager has been regarded as local hero. However, these highlight were 主谓不一致 shaded with scandals. As a result, people tend to neglect the successful experience of those people and institutions involved in the scandals, which made our society lost precious wealth.

To sum up, I have to admit that too much emphasis on scandals tend to be harmful, however, it sever as siren to all the people and institutions, furthermore, our society needs scandals to get more progress in systems of various fields,
总的说来，我觉得B3B4都写得挺不错的，B2说服力不太强，建议换个角度吧