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[i习作temp] issue103 G-89-互助社-8月4日同主题写作 [复制链接]

accolade
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-8-4 15:20:58 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue103  第7篇让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户    共用时间：45分4秒    453 words
从2005年7月4日14时15分到2005年7月4日15时45分
------题目------
The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives.
------提纲------
不同意。
1，历史为将来指明了方向，以防再犯
2，历史对科学研究的作用
3，研究历史不应走入极端。
------正文------
To say that it is only have value to study history when it is relevant to our daily lives is to ignore the great effect that history have to future even that give us  a direction to our future.

First, history give us a map to where human will go  and how human can reduce their mistakes lesser. Searching in history, we will found how human evolve to the stage today, and all that today happen are just similar as what have happened yesterday. For example, about two thousand years ago, ancient Greek  collapsed, who had been  a paragon of ancient democracy Then ancient Roman was established at another area, just as the ancient Greek, it had developed greatly, but at last also diminished. The same things were also happened in the ancient China. How should we explain these things? The reason historians give is just the value to research history, because not to do so, it would be a real fact that today's civilization collapse. It is hard for us to accept but if we do not search for history, that day may come to tomorrow. So studying history can let human to live longer.

In science and technology search, history experience can benefit people greatly. Maybe you will ask that the material world have changed so much and what have found in science and technology some are most absurd, what can we get from the history studying? Yes, it is necessary. For example, Archimedes, a greats scientist in ancient Roman, could found buoyancy theory when he was bathing, and then, which is most important, he can use this theory to determine whether the crown is pure gold or not. Considering this progress, it is helpful to the research today, not for the establishment of a theory, but the method how buoyancy theory found.  Indeed, it is hard for human to determine whether a research is happened today or not. Those great founding in physics area, such as relativity theory, re also affect today's research greatly. So I can conclude that studying history in academic research, the scientists today can find a way to comprehend today's thing and then find a best method to solve it. Which will be have great value to tomorrow's life.

Admittedly, I don not think the studying of history is just for studying. That is mean, the history we study should benefit us today or future. Otherwise it is not necessary. For example, some scientists like to find when a king born and when he dead, I think this is no useful and extreme.

In sum up, studying history is valuable for us to do today not only for human's future, but also for the life we have today.

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mvpzhuang
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-4 19:54:41 |只看该作者

我还没写帮你顶一下第一映像就是字数太少了。听说550左右最好吧

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板凳

发表于 2005-8-4 20:49:18 |只看该作者

看了你给我改的文章，真的有猛醒的感觉，获益匪浅，有些问题过会儿再讨论，先看你的

------题目------
The study of history has value only to the extent that it is relevant to our daily lives.
------提纲------
不同意。
1，       历史为将来指明了方向，以防再犯
2，       历史对科学研究的作用
3，       研究历史不应走入极端。
------正文------

To say that it is only have value to study history when it is relevant to our daily livesonly应该放在when前面 is to ignore the great effecteffect有点negative,改成importance that history have to future even that give us  a direction to our future.

First, history give us a map to where human will go  and how human can reduce their mistakes lesserlesser去掉. By Searching in history, we will found how human evolve to the stage today, and all that today happen are just similar as 应该为be similar towhat have happened yesterday. For example, about two thousand years ago, ancient Greek  collapsed, who had been  a paragon of ancient democracy Then ancient Roman was established at another area, just as the ancient Greek, it had developed greatly, but at last also diminished. The same things were also happened happen 不及物 in the ancient China. How should we explain these things? The reason that historians give is just the value to research history, because not to do so, it would be a real fact that today's civilization collapse语法不对. It is hard for us to accept but if we do not search for history, that day may come to tomorrow写成 that may be tomorrow 是不是更好. So studying history can let human to live longer.
这个例子很不好，把读者都吓死了.开个玩笑，呵呵！
这一段分论点：历史为将来指明了方向，以防再犯
你的论据：西方和中国的朝代更替
你的假设：历史循环，昨天发生的近日会重现，实际上这个假设还不具有科学性的
所以历史学家发现了朝代更替的原因，这个原因可以使人们更好的走向未来，这是历史研究的未来价值。

我的感觉是这样大而空的例子很难说明问题

In science and technology search, historyhistoric experience can benefit people greatly. Maybe you will ask that the material world have changed so much and what have found Most foundings in science and technology some are most absurd, what can we get from the history studying? Yes, it is necessary. You should tell me why it is necessary be reesoning before giving examples For example, Archimedes, a greats scientist in ancient Roman, could found buoyancy theory when he was bathing, and then, which is most important, he can use this theory to determine whether the crown is pure gold or not. Considering this progress, it is helpful to the research today, not for the establishment of a theory, but the method how buoyancy theorywas found.  Indeed, it is hard for human to determine whether a research is happened today or not. Those great founding in physics area, such as relativity theory, re also affect today's research greatly. So I can conclude that studying history in academic research, the scientists today can find a way to comprehend today's thing and then find a best method to solve it. Which will be have of great value to tomorrow's life.

你这一段要表达意思是不是：科学史的研究对科学发展，进而对明天有价值，但是这并不是与日常生活明显相关的，感觉最后一点没讲到

Admittedly, I don not think the studying of history is just for studying. That is mean, the history we study should benefit us today or future. Otherwise it is not necessary. For example, some scientists like to find when a king born and when he dead, I think this is no useful and extreme. 论证？是不是没时间了？

In sum up To sum up / In sum, studying history is valuable for us to do today not only for human's future, but also for the life we have today. 这个结尾句很别扭，是不是可以考虑分成几个句子来讲清楚一些

总评：这篇文章目前最大的缺点是语言，意思讲得很不清楚，而且有一些低级语法错误，可能是限时的缘故，但是给人的印象却极为不好。

论证反对的两个方面，应该是对的，但是这两个方面联系很少，各自为战，从一个到另一个的过渡很突兀。我觉得还是在提纲上在深入的想一下。

我原来对这篇 issue 的题意理解错了，看了你的这篇 issue 再去看自己的，发现很多漏洞，哎呀，闭关修炼去了

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accolade
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地板

发表于 2005-8-4 21:29:22 |只看该作者

谢了楼上的，
自己的作文被认真的批改，感觉头上冒冷汗！
一直都限时，没想到自己的语言方面问题这么多，论证也不到位，自以为例子还好，其实是垃圾！根本说不了问题。
我写B2的时候发现偏题，这一段已经写完了，没办法，只得在最后绑上那么一句别扭的话，

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accolade
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5楼

发表于 2005-8-4 21:35:26 |只看该作者

想一想B2为什么会偏题。
对题目的把握不够！正如你所说，我的重点应该是过去的科学研究对于将来的影响而不是现在的影响。我写这段文字的时候似乎是在围绕着例子服务而不是为论点服务，导致写到最后不可避免地偏题了。
看来问题在于对于例子的把握上。
立此为证，一定改正！

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keeyang
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6楼

发表于 2005-8-4 21:49:37 |只看该作者

讨论一下题意

你是怎么界定 be relevant to our daily life 的

特别是 daily life

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vieriping
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7楼

发表于 2005-8-4 21:52:18 |只看该作者

我感觉你应该再仔细看一下题历史与现在的联系不应该仅仅谈历史的作用
有空看看我的文章吧
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ge=1&highlight=
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1689377

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accolade
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8楼

发表于 2005-8-4 22:01:01 |只看该作者

先贴一篇文章给你看一下吧，博文嘉译的。我的这篇文章里的一些想法就是这里面的。不过发现相比于他的要差多了。
To state that study of history has its value only to the  extent that it is day-by-day lives is to ignorance the history's values beyond human daily lives. This would seem to be a shallow point which is to say the only value human beings live is just to survive rather than to plan for the future of their children and environment.

First, study of history offer human a road map give our basic sense why we could be this stage today. For example, the  whole of experiences from past wars can help people to avoid the fault which those commanders had made and thus improve more efficient war commander art. From ancient Chinese war commander Sun Tzu's "the art of war", today's military commanders even business leaders can get some very much useful information, which can help them to manipulate  wars or businesses more efficacious. This value of study of history have been beyond the daily of people. It can lead to military victory or the success of business which affects directly all the things that will happen in the future, even the future including those that are not born yet.

Another example is through studying history, parents can improve their children's life in the future. The experiences that several ancient forefather got in their life before these parents can give them a sense what is the best way to bring up their children.  Those are efficient to others can be provide beneficial guidance for parents today or in the future to ensure that their children will have a bright future.

In addition/Additionally, the study of medical advances made throughout history can be the foundation to build upon to make the medical advances of today and tomorrow and to make people live longer and healthier lives. The history of AIDS/HIV pathogen maybe can not promote researchers' daily life, but however no doubtfully make fundamentally affect to others' tomorrow life if they found a way to control and cure it. It have led to many amazing medical discoveries through the study of previous research over history. To study history only to enrich one's daily life would here again seem to be incongruous with the truth.
读了这篇文章，发现其理解就是现实的、发生在我们身边的事。可以接受

[ Last edited by accolade on 2005-8-4 at 22:11 ]

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