[a习作temp] argument242 G-89-互助社-8。5日同主题写作 [复制链接]

fairy115
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-8-8 09:09:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Based on the seemingly successful experience of the Groveton College, the statement draws a conclusion that these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out evidence that students reported twenty-one cases of cheating in the first year, which is lower than the average level of old-fashioned system, and the figure had dropped to fourteen five years later. In addition, he indicates that in a survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, most students showed that inclination to be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. However, this alone neither constitutes a logical argument in favor of the conclusion nor provides compelling support making the argument sound. The arguer ignores that people don't always do everything as what they say, the validity of data, and some side-effects or the adaptability of the new system. These important concerns must be addressed to prove.

In the first place, the proof of the far more successful honor codes needs further consideration. As mentioned in the argument, the figure of cases reported cheating was lower after new codes were adopted and the figure has declined further five years later. But this tendency doesn't indicate the new codes are far more successful than the old one, because it is very likely that not all the cheating have been reported. Generally speaking, students have little incentive to notify a faculty member even he have witnessed cheating since they don't want to be at the opposite side of other students. On the contrary, teachers will be more strict with closely monitor. So the actually number of cheating cases may the same or in the opposite of what the data shows. Even the figures are verified; the missing data between the first year and five years later may an acute problem. For instance, if the figure of the second year is 35 and the other missing data are all above 30, the new codes may be a big failure rather than a success.

In addition, the survey cited in the argument here is too vague to be informative. From the survey, we find little sign of such procedures for sampling, thus doubting whether the respondents constitute a sufficient large sample so as to be representative of the overall students of the college and university. For example, if the survey is conducted to only 10 students, and 9 of them, the majority, admitted that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place. But it is obvious that the sample is too selective to present the general students. Besides, the author fails to point out that how the survey was conducted. If the question was asked when the teacher stand near by, the answer may be greatly unconvincing since it didn't reflect students' true minds.

Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw that undermines the argument. Analogies draw between Groveton College and other colleges and university is suspect because there may be many differences. For example, the self-consciousness, students environment, the severity of cheating may various among different colleges or university. So further information are necessary to prove the honor codes' adaptability. And the side effects of honor codes must be taken into consider before applying. To notify a faculty member only if you suspect that others have cheated may lead to extreme suspicion among students.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and adequate.

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polymath
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-8 12:52:00 |只看该作者

顶一个！:)为什么吵架？;P

Mencius said,"When heaven is about to confer a great office on any man,it first exercises his mind with suffering, and his sinews and bones with toil.It exposes his body to hunger………….By all these methods, it stimulates his mind, consolidates his character, and increases his efficiency".

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polymath
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板凳

发表于 2005-8-9 20:27:13 |只看该作者

Based on the seemingly successful experience of the Groveton College, the statement draws a conclusion that these institutions should adopt honor codes similar to Groveton's. To support the conclusion, the arguer points out evidence that students reported twenty-one cases of cheating in the first year, which is lower than the average level of old-fashioned system, and the figure had dropped to fourteen five years later. In addition, he indicates that in a survey conducted by the Groveton honor council, most students showed that inclination to be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place than without. However, this alone neither constitutes a logical argument in favor of the conclusion nor provides compelling support making the argument sound. The arguer ignores that people don't always do everything as what they say, the validity of data, and some side-effects or the adaptability of the new system. These important concerns must be addressed to prove这也一点不用放在开头说吧！放在结尾比较好！.没仔细看，但是就你的开头来说，太长了！不会都在照搬吧！尽量提炼出主要的漏洞说一下就可以了！

In the first place, the proof of the far more successful honor codes needs further consideration. As mentioned in the argument, the figure of cases reported cheating was lower after new codes were adopted and the figure has declined further five years later. But this tendency doesn't indicate the new codes are far more successful than the old one, because it is very likely that not all the cheating have been reported.批驳的论点！ Generally speaking, students have little incentive to notify a faculty member even he have witnessed cheating since they don't want to be at the opposite side of other students. On the contrary, teachers will be more strict with closely monitor. So the actually number of cheating cases may the same or in the opposite of what the data shows. Even the figures are verified; the missing data between the first year and five years later may an acute problem. For instance, if the figure of the second year is 35 and the other missing data are all above 30, the new codes may be a big failure rather than a success.

In addition, the survey cited in the argument here is too vague to be informative. From the survey, we find little sign of such procedures for sampling, thus doubting whether the respondents constitute a sufficient large sample so as to be representative of the overall students of the college and university这个模版真好！后面一句不会少了谓语吧？. For example, if the survey is conducted to only 10 students, and 9 of them, the majority, admitted that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place. But it is obvious that the sample is too selective to present the general students没有说清楚，掉了点什么？. Besides, the author fails to point out that how the survey was conducted. If the question was asked when the teacher stand near by, the answer may be greatly unconvincing since it didn't reflect students' true minds.呵呵！最后这个可能性说的很好！

Before I come to my conclusion, it is necessary to point out another flaw that undermines the argument's persvasion. Analogies draw between Groveton College and other colleges and university is suspect because there may be many differences. For example, the self-consciousness, students' environment, the severity of cheating may various among different colleges or universityuniversities. So further information are necessary to prove the honor codes' adaptability. And the side effects of honor codes must be taken into consider before applying. To notify a faculty member only if you suspect that others have cheated may lead to extreme suspicion among students.

To sum up, the conclusion lacks credibility because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the arguer maintains. If the argument includes the given factors discussed above, it would have been more thorough and adequate.结尾感觉太空了，就是在背模版，可以将指出的错误应该得到纠正的再强调一下！

不错！正篇文章结构和分析基本到位，就是注意开头和结尾不要太多的照搬，照抄！说的严重了点！呵呵！不要生气哦！;P继续加油！

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fairy115
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地板

发表于 2005-8-10 11:36:06 |只看该作者

谢阿！！！

In addition, the survey cited in the argument here is too vague to be informative. From the survey, we find little sign of such procedures for sampling, thus doubting whether the respondents constitute a sufficient large sample so as to be representative of the overall students of the college and university这个模版真好！后面一句不会少了谓语吧？(hehe,水平有限我没有看出来少了，你可以说具体些吗？)
For example, if the survey is conducted to only 10 students, and 9 of them, the majority, admitted that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place. But it is obvious that the sample is too selective to present the general students没有说清楚，掉了点什么？. （不好意思：）我是想说样本可能太小）
改成：For example, if the survey is conducted to only 10 students, and 9 of them, the majority, admitted that they would be less likely to cheat with an honor code in place. If the school has thousands of students, only 10 of them can't be sufficient for sampling.说清了吗？
感觉好久没有来了，好想大家，今天一口气交了三篇，改了5篇（好像是，记不清楚了：P 算是赔罪吧，我要加油了！）
再也不因为一点小事情就吵架了。。。可是有时候人就是难得想开。。。

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