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gaojiehaha
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电梯直达

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发表于 2005-12-21 23:08:50 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

argument145(words452)
提纲：
1、study的不充分
2、arguer的表述很模糊
3、少吃不运动不会减少打鼾
The arguer claims that anyone who snores should try to eat less and to exercise more. To better support the claim, the arguer points two aspects:1) a new study shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than people who do not snore; 2) the snore can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. It seems reasonable at first glance, but further concern tells me that this argument suffers from several critical fallacies.

The major problem with this argument is that the study as to whether people who snore are more likely to gain weight is too hasty. The arguer fails to make clear the exact number of people who conveyed, as well as the information about respondents. If the pool of investigation is too small, the conclusion of the survey is unconvincing obviously. Or if respondents are come from a certain place, maybe the circumstances they live affects weight heavily, the survey does not have representative. In the absence of all these information, it is impossible for us to evaluate the conclusion that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than people who do not snore.

In addition, the argument is based on a rough generalization. The arguer speaks that it is well known that many people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night. But the words "it is well known" is too vague. We do not know the exact proportion of how many people know the fact. Also, the arguer points out that the interruption of breathing can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. There is no evidence as to the interruption of breathing can leave the people too tired. Only when all these vague points have evidence to support is it likely that the argument is more warranted.

Finally, the arguer points that the interruption of breathing can leave the people too tired to exercise, therefore, should try to eat less than average person and to exercise more. The arguer assumes that the people are tired so they do not to exercise.
But it is possible that other reasons people do not to exercise, such as the time is too tight to exercise, and so forth. Additionally, the arguer claims the snores should try to eat less and to exercise. It is apparent groundless that eats less and exercises are beneficial to stop snoring. Maybe eat less and exercise is not good for people who snoring.

As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to collect more information about people who snore. Additionally, the arguer must get together the datum how the people who snore keep fit.

[ Last edited by gaojiehaha on 2005-12-22 at 11:29 ]

[ 本帖最后由 gaojiehaha 于 2006-1-5 18:16 编辑 ]

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bunnymz2005
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沙发

发表于 2005-12-22 13:15:12 |只看该作者

改好啦^-^

提纲：
1、study的不充分
2、arguer的表述很模糊
3、少吃不运动不会减少打鼾
The arguer claims that anyone who snores should try to eat less and to exercise more. To better support the claim, the arguer points two aspects（1) a new study shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than people who do not snore; (2) the snore can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. It seems reasonable at first glance, but further concern tells me that this argument suffers from several critical fallacies.（过于模式化了，试着改动一下，每次写改动一点儿就好了）
The major problem with this argument is that the study as to whether people who snore are more likely to gain weight is too hasty.（the study is too hasty?应该是说从study中的得到的结论太草率了吧） The arguer fails to make clear the exact number of people who conveyed（这个词用得很诡异，这个词好像没有参加的意思吧！）, as well as the information about respondents. If the pool of investigation is too small, the conclusion of the survey is unconvincing obviously. Or if respondents are come from a certain place, maybe the circumstances they live affects weight heavily, the survey does not have（are not） representative. In the absence of all these information, it is impossible for us to evaluate the conclusion that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than people who do not snore. （总结得很不错）

In addition, the argument is based on a rough generalization. The arguer speaks that it is well known that many people who snore stop breathing frequently during the night. But the words "it is well known" is too vague. We do not know the exact proportion of how many people know the fact. Also, the arguer points out that the interruption of breathing can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. (加个however)There is no evidence as to the interruption of breathing can leave the people too tired. Only when all these vague points have evidence to support is it likely that the argument is more warranted.(条理很清楚，但是说理不够，批驳的不透彻)
Finally, the arguer points （out）that the interruption of breathing can leave the people too tired to exercise,（此句与上段重复，应该另批一点） therefore, should try to eat less than average person and to exercise more（很诡异的一句话，语法不通啊）. The arguer assumes that the people are tired so they do not to exercise. But it is possible that other reasons people do not to exercise, such as the time is too tight to exercise(看起来很中国式的英语), and so forth. Additionally, the arguer claims the snores should try to eat less and to exercise. It is apparent groundless that eats less and exercises are beneficial to stop snoring. Maybe eat less and exercise is not good for people who snoring.（问题同上一段）

As it stands, the argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the arguer would have to collect more information about people who snore. Additionally, the arguer must get together the datum（第一次见这个词，呵呵） how the people who snore keep fit.
文章思路还算清晰，最后一段问题很大，应该重写一下，还是那个问题，语言要改进一下，加油！

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