[i习作temp] issue 28, 求拍！ [复制链接]

joysion
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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-2-3 00:10:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

The surest indicator of a great nation isrepresented not by the achievements of its rulers, artists, or scientists, butby the general welfare of its people. (28)

Write a response in which you discuss theextent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain yourreasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting yourposition, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might nothold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

2012/02/02 15:05:45

What are the principal factors whendetermining whether a country in the world is great not?
As we allknow, people usually examine many aspects, such as economical level, politicalinfluence, culture, art, general welfare, and so on. In my opinion, generalwelfare is the indicator of highest weight when deciding the "greatlevel" of some state.

It’s understandable for us to take themilitary and politics into account in the first place when deeming some countryis great. Strong military always seems to be the symbol of remarkable abundanceand richness; the most appropriate example is the Unite States. There is nodoubt to commit that America is strongest and one of the greatest countries onthe earth. When comparing China, the second economic superpower and a monstrousmilitary force nowadays, with America, some difference will demonstrate themost principal indicator. In China, there is no democracy, freedom, even basiccivil rights because of one-party dictatorship; corruption is omnipresent inthe government; migrant workers who seek employment in the city are discriminatedas the second-class citizens; almost every day, people can find informationabout the food detrimental to health reported in the media, while the foodstuffis produced by the stated company; let alone the privation of basic medicalinsurance and impartial education opportunity. In fact, China now is justregarded as an affluent but lowbred entity, receiving no respect from the restof the world. If one country could not guarantee the basic welfare of itspeople, how can it become the great one?

Art and culture, the soft influence of acountry, will be just additional element for a great nation. Science and technologyhas always been the stimuli and motive for a state’s economy to boom. Thesefactors, however, are just minor or peripheral indicators when thinking twicethe essence of a country’s existence. A country, whose basic aim should bebring happiness and well-being for citizens, can never be at the mercy of some politiciansor rulers, which just take into account their own self-interest. The mostobvious example is North Korea. In the dictatorship of the Kim's family, thegeneral welfare of this country is extremely abysmal. The embarrass positionfor this country is that most countries in the world even haven’t accepted theexistence of North Korea. How can this kind of country become great? Besides, scientificachievements even might be harmful when making no contribution to the welfareof whole society. The scientists, who produced numerous achievements andprogress in Nazi German, bring an entire nightmare but goodness to whole world.Eventually, Nazi German ended up with nothing; none will consider it great.

For everyone in the world at present, nomatter which country he or she is living in, the most discernable factor todecide its living standard is general welfare of the country. If the countrycouldn't bring happy life for people, nobody would respect its greatnesshowever high the GDP is, plentiful science and art success achieve. Only afterthe well-being of social citizens reaches a high level, it is meaningful tohave a discussion on art and culture, political and economical influence,otherwise the so-called greatness is only self-claimed and will never receivetrue dignity.

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joysion
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沙发

发表于 2012-2-3 00:37:53 |只看该作者

求拍，别沉了

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳

发表于 2012-2-3 03:30:21 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 ZTree 于 2012-2-3 03:35 编辑

逻辑的问题：
第一，你根本没有说明普通老百姓的福利如何能体现国家的伟大。你举了很多国强民弱的例子，姑且算你回答了issue问题的前一半；可是国家精英的水平不能代表国家的水平（你的论点），不足以自动推导到老百姓就可以代表，这需要补充论证。而且你需要告诉读者为什么老百姓福利高的民族是一个伟大的民族，而牺牲百姓福利造就国家军事经济强大的民族不是，这不是不证自明的，而是两种价值取向的对比。你必须说清楚为什么你认为一种价值高于另一种。开头部分美国的例子用的不成功，我看不出来你认为它是不是一个great nation。如果你认为它是，它为什么是；如果它不是，为什么不是。需要特别注意：你不可以做出下面的判断：因为美国强大，所以他的百姓有好的welfare，所以它是个great nation。这是循环论证
第二，较真一点说，你没有理解nation这个词的意思，它和政治意义上的国家有怎样的联系和区别。nation除了表示特定的政府，还是一个有一定历史文化意义的概念，可是你没有在这一方面做出任何体现。
第三，语言表达还需要练。

好的方面：你意识到了科学的成就未必会给社会造福，这可以有力的增强你的观点。你的表达虽然还有很大改进空间，至少没有写的文理不通，应当可以算是托福的中上水准了。

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