[a习作temp] ARGUMENT51 求拍! [复制链接]

sophia11280
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-3-28 13:01:09 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：ARGUMENT51 - The following appeared in a medical newsletter.

"Doctors have long suspected that secondary infections may keep some patients from healing quickly after severe muscle strain. This hypothesis has now been proved by preliminary results of a study of two groups of patients. The first group of patients, all being treated for muscle injuries by Dr. Newland, a doctor who specializes in sports medicine, took antibiotics regularly throughout their treatment. Their recuperation time was, on average, 40 percent quicker than typically expected. Patients in the second group, all being treated by Dr. Alton, a general physician, were given sugar pills, although the patients believed they were taking antibiotics. Their average recuperation time was not significantly reduced. Therefore, all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain would be well advised to take antibiotics as part of their treatment."
字数：375 用时：0:30:00 日期：2002-1-1

In this argument, the author suggests that patients should take antibiotics for their muscle treatment, because the preliminary results can proved it by studying of two groups of patients. However, the author can not provide any useful information to make us believe that this study has reliability.

First, the author can not refer about any background of two groups of patients. We know that different patients have different symptom, which should be treaded by different measure. If the first group had litter muscle injure than the second, of course, the first's recuperation time is less than the later. If the first group was young men, and the second group was old women, no problem young men spend less time in recuperation than women. If so, we should consider whether the author's suggestion should be believed.

Secondly, if we admitted that the two groups of patients had same situation on muscle injuries, but there is no message about the measure of the two doctors. Maybe Dr. Newland uses a special measure to cure his patient, which has more effect than antibiotics. In this case, how can say that the antibiotics play an important role in rule muscle injuries? Or maybe Dr.Alton does not use prefer method to cure his patient, how can we complain about no use antibiotics? If the assumptions came true, the mere fact can not provide that the viewpoint of author is meaningful.

Third, if we accepted that the two doctors use same measure to cure their patients, and using or not antibiotics has different results, the author can suggests that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics in their treatment. At first glance, the author provides a good idea for doctor and patient, but after considering seriously, we should find some problems. If the patient would not be treated with antibiotics, accepting author's suggestion, the patient may recover slowly, or even goes to bad situation. Or if using more antibiotics would create negative effects, such as felt allergy, comatose and so on. Without considering and ruling out those influent situations, the author can not claim using antibiotics can treat muscle injured patient recuperate quickly.

In conclusion, the author should provide enough useful messages about antibiotics' function in this situation excepting influential elements. But the author of this argument fails to do this.

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胜不妄喜败不馁狂胸有激雷而面如平镜者可拜上将军

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expire7
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沙发

发表于 2007-3-28 17:51:56 |只看该作者

结尾的写法还可以改进。看我的同主题第二期总结分析。
字数太少。起码写到420以上。最好由450。

攻击展开还是不够，你可以不限时练习一下如何展开。

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iq28
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板凳

发表于 2007-3-28 18:50:28 |只看该作者

In this argument, the author suggests that patients should take antibiotics for their muscle treatment, because the preliminary results can proved it by studying of two groups of patients. However, the author can not provide any useful information to make us believe that this study has reliability.

First, the author can (do) not refer about any background of two groups of patients. We know that different patients have different symptom(s), which should be treaded by different measure(s). If the first group had litter muscle injure than the second, of course, the first's recuperation time is less than the later. (两个例子之间要有结构连接词) If the first group was young men, and the second group was old women, no problem young men spend less (用语太幼稚而且是错的) time in recuperation than women. If so, we should consider whether the author's suggestion should be believed.

Secondly, if we admitted that the two groups of patients had same situation on muscle injuries, but (关系词不匹配,一般让步用even if,granted,given) there is no message about the measure of the two doctors. Maybe Dr. Newland uses a special measure to cure his patient, which has more effect than antibiotics. In this case, how can say that the antibiotics play an important role in rule muscle injuries? Or maybe Dr.Alton does not use prefer(able) method to cure his patient, how can we complain about no use antibiotics? If the assumptions came true, (用于不当,怎么能叫如果假设得以实现??) the mere fact can not provide that the viewpoint of author is meaningful.
(前两个段落都只是攻击两个组之间的差异,而且深度也不够.合并成一段说就可以了)

Third, if we accepted that the two doctors use same measure to cure their patients, and using or not antibiotics has different results, the author can suggests that all patients who are diagnosed with muscle strain should take antibiotics in their treatment. At first glance, the author provides a good idea for doctor and patient, but after considering seriously, we should find some problems. (都是废话,太冗长了.三言两语能搞定的东西居然说了这么多) If the patient would not be treated with antibiotics, accepting author's suggestion, the patient may recover slowly, or even goes to bad situation. (无厘头的原因.因为病人不想用所以就恢复的慢?不让人信服) Or if using more antibiotics would create negative effects, such as felt allergy, comatose and so on. Without considering and ruling out those influent situations, the author can not claim using antibiotics can treat muscle injured patient recuperate quickly. (这一段的错误只能作为锦上添花用.本题最终要的一些错误你没有找到.比如使用了抗生素并不代表感染就存在,就算恢复的快也不一定是抗生素在起作用,比如糖丸的反作用(这个时候再抛出两个组的差异,和糖丸一起攻击),最后一段锦上添花的攻击还可以再考虑加上概念的一些偷换,材料前面只是说严重的肌肉拉伤患者应该如何,而结尾却说了所有的患者都应该用抗生素)

In conclusion, the author should provide enough useful messages about antibiotics' function in this situation excepting influential elements. But the author of this argument fails to do this.

感觉lz的argu还没有入门
这篇估计不到3分
多去精华区看看吧
我这里先给你几链接
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-134092-1-1.html
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-175162-1-1.html
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-199905-1-1.html
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=620337&extra=page%3D1%26amp%3Bfilter%3Ddigest

批得虽然少(因为lz写得实在让我觉得没有太多可以说的,现在你需要多去看那些链接)
但是比较狠
希望见谅