[a习作temp] argument117 [0710G-summer小组]第九次作业by sanliangmm [复制链接]

sanliangmm
UID：2363921

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 382
注册时间: 2007-7-16
精华: 0
帖子: 2

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2007-7-26 14:18:31 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.
"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."
WORDS: 441       TIME: 00:29:52       DATE: 2007-7-26 14:11:51
第一次限时，最后一段都没写完，而且老打错，写完以后手还抖。。。:loveliness: 我实在懒得改我的语法错误，肯定很多大家就挣一眼闭一眼吧看我的逻辑有没有问题就成
1.Survey类错误—百分比，回应者，回应者背景
2.（无理假设）就算回家完成的工作上升，也不一定导致办公用品销售上升
3.（利润问题）就算人们更需要家用办公用品，增加存货不一定盈利；或者人们不会选择VM的产品
In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores recommends that the office-supply departments should increase stock of office supplies and home office machines. To bolster this recommendation, the manager cites a recent servey, 70 percent of  the respondents in which reported that they work home more compared to the past. Close scrutiny of this argument, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the manager's statement.
The threshold problem is that the exerpt provides no information about the exact total number of paticipants or their occupational or residential profile. The fewer participants, the less reliable the survey's results. Also, the narrower the spectrum of occupations and geographic areas represented among participants, the more likely that regulations in certain working fields or companies, rather than the work-home-trend in the whole district, played the key role in this survey. Moreover,it is entirely possible that people who work more at home inclined to complain were more likely to respond to this survey that other people were. Unless a suffiecient number of subjects from diverse geographic areas and occupation participated accurately and on a regular basis, and unless accurate response were made on behalf of those working home as usnal as in the past, I simply cannot accept the manager's recommendation.
Even this survey do reveal the home-working-trend for the district, the manager falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that those people should buy home office machines and office instruments due to this trend. However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that the consume-supply market of office supplies is saturate, or the work people choose  to take home do not need any additional office machine. Therefore, the manager cannot justifiably rely on this claim to bolster its recommendation.
Even people need more office machines and supplies to adapt to the home-working trend, by stocking more such instruments would not necessarily be profitable as a result. Profitability is a funcion of both revenue and expense. Thus, it is entirely possible that the costs of renting the warehouse for stocking, or of promoting the machines, might render it unprofitable despite its popularity.Moreover, the fact that empressive sales in Valu-Mart stores' office-supply were not seen might suggest a lack of interest among the residents in this district to this stores' products.Since the manager does not adequately respond to this concern, his recommendation is untenable.
To sum up, the manager fails to substantiate his recommendation that the company should raise the stock of office supplies due to the home-working-trend, because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the manager maintains.

[ 本帖最后由 sanliangmm 于 2007-7-26 14:21 编辑 ]

我心如明月，浩瀚无广际。

回应
0

使用道具举报

rainyni0812
UID：2186847

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 388
注册时间: 2006-2-15
精华: 0
帖子: 2

沙发

发表于 2007-7-26 18:32:58 |只看该作者

1.Survey类错误—百分比，回应者，回应者背景
2.（无理假设）就算回家完成的工作上升，也不一定导致办公用品销售上升
3.（利润问题）就算人们更需要家用办公用品，增加存货不一定盈利；或者人们不会选择VM的产品
限时的时候要注意调整结构,每一段都是提出错误,错误原因,反驳,总结,不要刚开始阐述理由太多,其实有时没有必要,反而还耽误了后边的时间,或者让后边的论述展不开,让文章在结构上失衡.
错误都找到了,只是论证的方式单一了,光It is entirely possible就用了三四次,还是要在句式上灵活一点.
In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores recommends that the office-supply departments should increase stock of office supplies and home office machines. To bolster this recommendation, the manager cites a recent servey, 70 percent of the respondents in which reported that they work home more compared to the past. Close scrutiny of this argument, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the manager's statement.
The threshold problem is that the exerpt(?) provides no information about the exact total number of paticipants or their occupational or residential profile. The fewer participants, the less reliable the survey's results. Also, the narrower the spectrum of occupations and geographic areas represented among participants, the more likely that regulations in certain working fields or companies, rather than the work-home-trend in the whole district, played the key role in this survey. Moreover,it is entirely possible that people who work more at home inclined to complain were more likely to respond to this survey that other people were. Unless a suffiecient number of subjects from diverse geographic areas and occupation participated accurately and on a regular basis, and unless accurate response were made on behalf of those working home as usnal as in the past, I simply cannot accept the manager's recommendation.
Even this survey do reveal the home-working-trend for the district, the manager falsely depends on gratuitous assumption that those people should buy home office machines and office instruments due to this trend. However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that the consume-supply market of office supplies is saturate, or the work people choose to take home do not need any additional office machine. Therefore, the manager cannot justifiably rely on this claim to bolster its recommendation.
Even people need more office machines and supplies to adapt to the home-working trend, by stocking more such instruments would not necessarily be profitable as a result. Profitability is a funcion of both revenue and expense. Thus, it is entirely possible that the costs of renting the warehouse for stocking, or of promoting the machines, might render it unprofitable despite its popularity.Moreover, the fact that empressive sales in Valu-Mart stores' office-supply were not seen might suggest a lack of interest among the residents in this district to this stores' products.Since the manager does not adequately respond to this concern, his recommendation is untenable.
To sum up, the manager fails to substantiate his recommendation that the company should raise the stock of office supplies due to the home-working-trend, because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the manager maintains.

使用道具举报

niuzhist
UID：2363220

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 272
注册时间: 2007-7-14
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2007-7-27 09:42:33 |只看该作者

In this argument, the business manager of Valu-Mart stores recommends that the office-supply departments should increase stock of office supplies and home office machines. To bolster this recommendation, the manager cites a recent servey（survey）, 70 percent of the respondents in which reported that they work home more compared to the past. Close scrutiny of this argument, however, reveals that it lends little credible support to the manager's statement.
The threshold problem is that the exerpt provides no information about the exact total number of paticipants(participants) or their occupational or residential profile. The fewer participants, the less reliable the survey's results(are). Also, the narrower the spectrum of occupations and geographic areas represented among participants, the more likely that regulations in certain working fields or companies, rather than the work-home-trend in the whole district, played the key role in this survey. Moreover, it is entirely possible that people who work more at home inclined to complain were more likely to respond to this survey that other people were. Unless a suffiecient(sufficient) number of subjects from diverse geographic areas and occupation participated accurately and on a regular basis, and unless accurate response were made on behalf of those working home as usnal(usual) as in the past, I simply cannot accept the manager's recommendation.
Even this survey do reveal the home-working-trend for the district, the manager falsely depends on gratuitous assump`tion that those people should buy home office machines and office instruments due to this trend. However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that the consume-supply market of office supplies is saturate, or the work people choose to take home do not need any additional office machine. Therefore, the manager cannot justifiably rely on this claim to bolster its recommendation.
Even people need more office machines and supplies to adapt to the home-working trend, by stocking more such instruments would not necessarily be profitable as a result. Profitability is a funcion(function) of both revenue and expense. Thus, it is entirely possible that the costs of renting the warehouse for stocking, or of promoting the machines, might render it unprofitable despite its popularity. Moreover , the fact that empressive(impressive) sales in Valu-Mart stores' office-supply were not seen might suggest a lack of interest among the residents in this district to this stores' products. Since the manager does not adequately respond to this concern, his recommendation is untenable.
To sum up, the manager fails to substantiate his recommendation that the company should raise the stock of office supplies due to the home-working-trend, because the evidence cited in the analysis does not lend strong support to what the manager maintains.

这篇文章中所有的错误逻辑点都找到了。可能因为限时的原因，导致一些拼写错误。感觉第二段论述开头写的太罗嗦，有些意思说重复了。我觉得每段开头，应有一些连接词，不能老用even.

使用道具举报