[a习作temp] argument26 [突击先锋GRE] 第五次作业 [复制链接]

fainting_robin
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-7-29 23:22:42 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT26 - The following appeared in a memo from the chairperson of the school board in the town of Saluda.
"For the past five years, Mr. Charles Schade has been the music director at Steel City High School, and during that time the school band from Steel City High has won three regional band competitions. In addition, the quality of the music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments at Steel City High has improved markedly over the past five years. Because of such successes at Steel City High, the Saluda school board should hire Mr. Schade to plan and direct the general music education programs for the entire Saluda school system.‘限时失败阿。。。我要练打字。。。

The arguer claims that Mr. Schade would be a contribution to the entire Salude school system if he is hired. To support his conclusion, the arguer points out that Steel City High School (SCHS) is successful when Mr. Schade has been its music director. However, the line of reasoning is flawed with logical fallacies.

To begin with, the assumption that Mr. Schade is the only reason for school band of SCHS won three regional band competitions , based on which the author draw his former conclusion, lacks clear evidence. Yet it's equally possible that the members of the school band are gifted, or they practice very hard, or the music education they have is really excellent, or their competitors are too weak to win. Without ruling these and other possibilities, we couldn't reach the conclusion that it's Mr. Schade who makes the band win.

Second, the fact that quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments improve is in sufficient to substantiate that Mr. Schade does an efficient job in this issue. Maybe the improvement should thanks to the board of SCHS who has a reasonable plan and provides a large fun to renew the musical facilities. Or there is a social organization who donate money to the winner of regional competitions and with the money, the band itself improve the equipments. Therefore Mr. Schade's contribution to intruments' improving can’t be testfied.

Last, even if all the success in SCHS are made by Mr. schade, the music director, it still remain questionable whether he can work effeciently in Salude school system. The author unfairly equal SSS with SCHS. However there is no evidenc to support his inference that SSS are similar with SCHS. Thus it's quite possible that Mr. Schade works well in SCHS because he has deep emomtions to the school band, and like to communicate with the talented members of it. Or the president of SCHS is in favor of his ideas about music education. So his palns is easily come true. And SSS may lack the factors to advance his work, and even provide obstacles. So if SCHS and SSS are not the same in every espect, we chould expect Mr.Schade bring a same success to SSS.

To sum up, the arguer fails to provide enough evidence to support his conclusion. And to solidify his conclusion, the arguer should provide details about SCHS'S band, and information about every espects of the music education in SXHS and SSS.

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sigtem
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沙发

发表于 2007-7-30 19:31:22 |只看该作者

The arguer claims that Mr. Schade would be a  contribution to 应该是would make great contribution to the entire Salude school system if he is hired. To support his conclusion, the arguer points out that Steel City High School (SCHS) is successful when Mr. Schade has been its music director. However, the line of reasoning is flawed with logical fallacies.

To begin with, the assumption that  Mr. Schade is the only 题目也没说是only吧 reason for school band of SCHS won three regional band competitions , based on which the author draw his former conclusion, lacks clear evidence. Yet it's equally possible that the members of the school band are gifted, or they practice very hard, or the music education they have is really excellent, or their competitors are too weak to win. Without ruling these and other possibilities, we couldn't reach the conclusion that it's Mr. Schade who makes the band win.

Second, the fact that quality of music rehearsal facilities and musical instruments improve is in sufficient to substantiate that Mr. Schade does an efficient job in this issue. Maybe the improvement should thanks to the board of SCHS who has a reasonable plan and provides a large fun 是fund to renew the musical facilities. Or there is a social organization who donate money to the winner of regional competitions and with the money, the band itself improve the equipments. Therefore Mr. Schade's contribution to intruments' improving can’t be testfied.  这段的总结句建议这样写：Therefore, the improvement of the instruments and facilities of SCHS does not necessarily arise from Mr. Schade’s achievement

Last, even if all the success in SCHS are made by Mr. schade, the music director, it still remain questionable whether he can work effeciently in Salude school system as well as in SCHS. The author unfairly equal SSS with SCHS. However there is no evidenc to support his inference that SSS are similar with SCHS. Thus it's quite possible that Mr. Schade works well in SCHS because he has deep emomtions to the school band, and like to communicate with the talented members of it. Or the president of SCHS is in favor of his ideas about music education. So his palns is easily come true. And SSS may lack the factors to advance his work, and even provide obstacles. So if SCHS and SSS are not the same in every espect 这里有点绝对，两个学校的大部分情况相仿即可, we chould cannot expect Mr.Schade bring a same success to SSS.

To sum up, the arguer fails to provide enough evidence to support his conclusion. And to solidify his conclusion, the arguer should provide details about SCHS'S band, and information about every espects 改为similarity好点 of the music education in SXHS and SSS.
这篇文章写得不错，原文的漏洞找得比较准，而且驳斥得有理有据，反面例子也举得很好。希望再接再厉。

[ 本帖最后由 sigtem 于 2007-7-30 19:38 编辑 ]

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