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发表于 2007-8-15 17:42:02 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 569       TIME: 00:42:16       DATE: 2007-8-14 13:47:53

Who built the history of human? Some would claim that the history is constructed by the groups of people whose name has already been forgotten. However, I think that the history is built both by the famous ones as well as groups of people. The famous ones guide the people who are anonymous the way to go and the people carry the proposal out, and then the history births.

To begin with, we should not forget that sometimes that the history is actually built by the famous individuals.  For example, Qi Wu----a genius in war art who has been ignored so long for his great flaws in morality----once used 3,000 cavaliers to defeat a battalion of 300,000 people. Is it a miracle? No famous generals in the world history like Baton, Napoleon and so on had ever achieved such a great triumph. If it is not the talent of Qi Wu himself, how could the history be built? It is true that sometimes the history just need one person to attain.

Moreover, the history's building need the gift of the outstand people. Only the literati could look through the fog of time, seeking truth in the darkness and find a way leading to people's future. Were no such people existing, the majority of people will be confuse and wandering in their time without achieving some events of significance. A familiar instance is that Planck, the father of the theory of Quantum, guided people to go to a microscopic world that people has never imagined. Without the insight of him, we can not imagine that how long will the theory of Quantum be delayed. 你既然说是个人和大众共同创造历史但是你这里说的是个人创造社会，我感觉不怎么好！

Let us take a look in the modern history of America, and we need not look further to find such preeminent persons such as George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King who introduced the democracy, equality and freedom to the public. Without these people, the root of democracy, equality and freedom will not burgeon in American's mind. However, when we excavate the deeper contain of such significant events, it will not be difficult to obtain the information about the leading reason of them, which is the people's will. The people in American when it was the colony had gradually developed a system of value and culture shared by all, and the colonization became the impediment of the amalgamation of the all the nations; the people that time realized that the slavery was undermining the foundation of the independent country and appealed to the emancipation of slaves; the policies of the racial separation had been against the people's will to syncretize each other. They, the famous individuals, are just the delegates of people. What they achieved is just following the will of people. They are the conductor of people's will and the difference between them and the groups of people who has been forgotten is at best that they standing out and people remember them.

Finally, the construction of history can not be without a lot of people involving. A famous general must stand on the corps of his/her soldiers. The real work to build the history is conducted by the groups of people. It is also that the groups of people's endeavor constitute the history.

In sum, no history can be built without the both devotion of famous persons and the groups of people who have been forgotten. The human's history is a history of both famous few and anonymous majority.

从段落结构来看，你长短安排不怎么合理。你说了是个人和大众创造历史，但是你只是大篇幅地说个人而忽视了大众。

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 569       TIME: 00:42:16       DATE: 2007-8-14 13:47:53

Who built the history of human? Some would claim that the history is constructed by the groups of people whose name has already been forgotten. However, I think that the history is built both by the famous ones as well as groups of people. The famous ones guide the people who are anonymous the way to go and the people carry the proposal out, and then the history births.

To begin with, we should not forget that sometimes that the history is actually built by the famous individuals.  For example, Qi Wu----a genius in war art who has been ignored so long for his great flaws in morality----once used 3,000 cavaliers to defeat a battalion of 300,000 people. Is it a miracle? No famous generals in the world history like Baton, Napoleon and so on had ever achieved such a great triumph. If it is not the talent of Qi Wu himself, how could the history be built? It is true that sometimes the history just need one person to attain.

Moreover, the history's building need the gift of the outstand people. Only the literati could look through the fog of time, seeking truth in the darkness and find a way leading to people's future. Were no such people existing, the majority of people will be confuse and wandering in their time without achieving some events of significance. A familiar instance is that Planck, the father of the theory of Quantum, guided people to go to a microscopic world that people has never imagined. Without the insight of him, we can not imagine that how long will the theory of Quantum be delayed. 你既然说是个人和大众共同创造历史但是你这里说的是个人创造社会，我感觉不怎么好！

Let us take a look in the modern history of America, and we need not look further to find such preeminent persons such as George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King who introduced the democracy, equality and freedom to the public. Without these people, the root of democracy, equality and freedom will not burgeon in American's mind. However, when we excavate the deeper contain of such significant events, it will not be difficult to obtain the information about the leading reason of them, which is the people's will. The people in American when it was the colony had gradually developed a system of value and culture shared by all, and the colonization became the impediment of the amalgamation of the all the nations; the people that time realized that the slavery was undermining the foundation of the independent country and appealed to the emancipation of slaves; the policies of the racial separation had been against the people's will to syncretize each other. They, the famous individuals, are just the delegates of people. What they achieved is just following the will of people. They are the conductor of people's will and the difference between them and the groups of people who has been forgotten is at best that they standing out and people remember them.

Finally, the construction of history can not be without a lot of people involving. A famous general must stand on the corps of his/her soldiers. The real work to build the history is conducted by the groups of people. It is also that the groups of people's endeavor constitute the history.

In sum, no history can be built without the both devotion of famous persons and the groups of people who have been forgotten. The human's history is a history of both famous few and anonymous majority.

从段落结构来看，你长短安排不怎么合理。你说了是个人和大众创造历史，但是你只是大篇幅地说个人而忽视了大众。

TOPIC: ISSUE48 - "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
WORDS: 569       TIME: 00:42:16       DATE: 2007-8-14 13:47:53

Who built the history of human? Some would claim that the history is constructed by the groups of people whose name has already been forgotten. However, I think that the history is built both by the famous ones as well as groups of people. The famous ones guide the people who are anonymous the way to go and the people carry the proposal out, and then the history births.

To begin with, we should not forget that sometimes that the history is actually built by the famous individuals.  For example, Qi Wu----a genius in war art who has been ignored so long for his great flaws in morality----once used 3,000 cavaliers to defeat a battalion of 300,000 people. Is it a miracle? No famous generals in the world history like Baton, Napoleon and so on had ever achieved such a great triumph. If it is not the talent of Qi Wu himself, how could the history be built? It is true that sometimes the history just need one person to attain.

Moreover, the history's building need the gift of the outstand people. Only the literati could look through the fog of time, seeking truth in the darkness and find a way leading to people's future. Were no such people existing, the majority of people will be confuse and wandering in their time without achieving some events of significance. A familiar instance is that Planck, the father of the theory of Quantum, guided people to go to a microscopic world that people has never imagined. Without the insight of him, we can not imagine that how long will the theory of Quantum be delayed. 你既然说是个人和大众共同创造历史但是你这里说的是个人创造社会，我感觉不怎么好！

Let us take a look in the modern history of America, and we need not look further to find such preeminent persons such as George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King who introduced the democracy, equality and freedom to the public. Without these people, the root of democracy, equality and freedom will not burgeon in American's mind. However, when we excavate the deeper contain of such significant events, it will not be difficult to obtain the information about the leading reason of them, which is the people's will. The people in American when it was the colony had gradually developed a system of value and culture shared by all, and the colonization became the impediment of the amalgamation of the all the nations; the people that time realized that the slavery was undermining the foundation of the independent country and appealed to the emancipation of slaves; the policies of the racial separation had been against the people's will to syncretize each other. They, the famous individuals, are just the delegates of people. What they achieved is just following the will of people. They are the conductor of people's will and the difference between them and the groups of people who has been forgotten is at best that they standing out and people remember them.

Finally, the construction of history can not be without a lot of people involving. A famous general must stand on the corps of his/her soldiers. The real work to build the history is conducted by the groups of people. It is also that the groups of people's endeavor constitute the history.

In sum, no history can be built without the both devotion of famous persons and the groups of people who have been forgotten. The human's history is a history of both famous few and anonymous majority.

从段落结构来看，你长短安排不怎么合理。你说了是个人和大众创造历史，但是你只是大篇幅地说个人而忽视了大众。

TOPIC: ISSUE41 - "Such nonmainstream areas of inquiry as astrology, fortune-telling, and psychic and paranormal pursuits play a vital role in society by satisfying human needs that are not addressed by mainstream science."
WORDS: 561       TIME: 00:43:52       DATE: 2007-8-14 15:43:20

Do nonmainstream areas of inquiry play a vital role in society? Are they something of great value, or just trash? In my opinion, every being exists for its sake. The nonmainstream areas of inquiry to some extent cater for the needs of human, but they actually are useless.你只写了一个方面了？但是常规都是些两个方面的啊？危险吗？

Since human beings always have instinct frightening to the death, the nonmainstream areas of inquiry relieve the pain when facing death. Perhaps they might be helpful to some degree, but the danger they may cause is even worse. They either give people a wrong message that people could get the perpetual life or inspire people to wish for the otherworld. But common sense informs me that people are doomed to die which has been proved by modern science. Death is just a part of life and the destiny we all reach sooner or later. What we can do is try our best to make every day meaningful. Also they imply that there must be the otherworld exists. Since such illusion can be testified for good, they just take advantage of it to misguide people. Is there an otherworld? I don't know, but I don't think so我认为你这里没有必要写，感觉写了会错. This might be just an image that is created to sooth the soul of people who have a hard life in the world and give the hope for their struggling. However, the nonmainstream areas of inquiry indoctrinate this mirage to people as if it really exist and there must be an better life waiting for them. Such misleading is deadly. Some people may hold it as eternal truth and use it as a context to elude from life. The more they indulge in such though, the less nerve they will have to face with life. The most serious consequence is that one day they will final abandon their own lives.
你这一段没写清楚，这也更本写不清楚。

Similarly, these nonsmaintream areas of inquiry advocate the power beyond nature and the ability of foreseeing. It also uses the weaknesses of humanity. People will meet myriad difficulties in their long trip of life, sometimes they will feel frustrate and depress when the things is out of control. They want something beyond the world to help them out of the quandary, which is the reason of the appearing of religions and also the reason of people make up the heroes as Super Man and Spider Man. However, the religions and the heroes created are always encouraging people to try their best to conquer the difficulties and help other which light up others life and make them feel the warmth around them. On the contrary, the nonmaintream areas of inquiry give people the false information that they can predict the future of them. Thus, people load their responsibilities of choice, make other happy and create a better world, and they will elude from the real world into the mental cosmos. Sometimes they will boggle into a paranoia status and can not control it. The obsession will grow larger and larger, and one day it make the people do something horrible, such example as that Adolfo Hitler, who indulge in the fake theory of Super Man which he derive from Nietzsche and adapt it in a fanatical way, impose the monstrous disaster on the world.

In sum, the nonstream areas of inquiry is opium that make people addict themselves in it and deviate the real world. Its satisfying function is useless even of great hidden danger.
我认为你不应该一味的写nonmainstream还应该写写mainstream！平很一下

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chenxuegang
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沙发

发表于 2007-8-15 17:43:11 |只看该作者

对多了，下面变了，不好意思！

TOPIC: ARGUMENT65 - The following appeared in a memo from the president of a chain of cheese stores located throughout the United States.

"For many years all the stores in our chain have stocked a wide variety of both domestic and imported cheeses. Last year, however, the five best-selling cheeses at our newest store were all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. Furthermore, a recent survey by Cheeses of the World magazine indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. Since our company can reduce expenses by limiting inventory, the best way to improve profits in all of our stores is to discontinue stocking many of our varieties of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses."

WORDS: 488       TIME: 00:29:55       DATE: 2007-8-14 16:14:01

In this argument, the author recommends that in order to improve profits in all their stores, the best way is to discontinue stocking many of their varies of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To justify this recommendation, the author cites the fact that the best-selling cheeses at their newest store are all domestic cheddar cheeses from Wisconsin. The author also point out that a recent survey indicates an increasing preference for domestic cheeses among its subscribers. This argument suffers a few flaws, which renders it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author fails to provide any information about the reliability of the survey. Lacking such evidence that whether the magazine is authoritative enough to carry out such a survey我认为不应该说是magzine 的问题，而因该说是调查对象的问题, what is the method used in this survey and the people involving are representative of the whole population in the country and so on, it is hard to draw any firm conclusion as that there is an increasing preference for domestic cheeses.

Even assuming the survey is reliable, the author's recommendation bases on the assumption that the newest store's best-selling cheeses indicate the preference for domestic cheese of the consumers. However, it is not necessary the case. Perhaps the newest store is in an area where the consumers prefer the domestic cheeses. Or perhaps it is not enough time for the author to draw a firm conclusion since the trend will reverse soon.

Moreover, there is a problem with the author's recommendation that even the preference exists, it is not logical to advise all the stores to discontinue stocking many of imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To make such a recommendation, the author relies on the assumption that the conditions of all areas the all stores in are the same. It is possible that many stores in the areas where people favor the cheese imported and if such recommendation carried out, the sales will decline dramatically. Without take this scenario into consideration, it is hard to believe that the author recommendation is wise.

Even if I accept that the author can substantiate the assumptions above, the author's claim that their profit will improve is also unwarranted. Common sense informs me that profit is a function of expenses（cost） and revenue. Even the expenses of inventory reduced, the profit will not necessarily rise. It is possible that the expenses of transport will rise, which will cause the profit fall.

There still a problem with the author's reasoning. The author overlooks some possibilities like that the store does not gain any profit by selling the domestic cheeses.我认为这里没有必要说！

In sum, the author's recommendation relies on a series of dubious assumptions and therefore is unconvincing. To bolster this argument, the author should provide the detail information about the survey and develop a link between improving profit and the recommendation.  Also, the author should provide evidence to justify that the recommendation will help all the stores to raise the sales.

TOPIC: ISSUE185 - "Scandals-whether in politics, academia, or other areas-can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."

WORDS: 526       TIME: 00:45:00       DATE: 2007-8-15 0:30:59

Every morning, we sit down at the table and skim the news in the newspaper.我感觉这种开头很少见噢！ The things most attracting to us must be the scandals whatever areas they in. Does it mean that scandals focus our attention more and arouse our focus on the problems no speaker or reformer ever could. To some extent, it might be so. However, I want to claim that scandals in more time have negative effects rather than positive ones.

Admittedly, sometimes the scandals serve as a stimulus to promote people's interest to certain problem as well as an alert to make people more caution. For instance, the scandal of the corruption of the World Bank's CEO make people be aware of that strict monitoring is necessary to make sure that people will more wary to use the power they own. At the same time, the scandals find the problem in the system of the bank, which facilitate the solving of the defects.

Let's us take a look into the entertainment area, where the most scandals are revealed. People always have the instinct to find others' privacy. As a star, the person will get more attention from the public. There is no doubt that scandal will make them more popular. Sometimes it is a way to enhance the celebrity of them. However, they serve as the nightmare in most cases. For instance, Wei Zhao, a famous singer and actress in China, once wore the military flag of Japan in a show,我感觉你这个例子能被他们接受吗？ which hurt the feeling of many Asian countries which are invaded by Japan. It aroused tremendous indignation in both China and Korea. People show their fury by insulting and cursing her. Someone in Korea even cut his finger to protest and her popularity fall to the bottom.你写入了民族的矛盾这个不太好吧！还有就是明星的八卦新闻我认为最好与丑闻分开！

In term of the politics, it is also monstrous for the scandal to impose its power on the individuals. The brilliant achievement of Nixon, one of greatest American presidents, was overshadowed by the Watergate scandal. He had to abandon the position of the president of U.S.A. Similarly, the fame of Bill Clinton, also a great president in the history of America, had been destroyed by the scandal of Lewinsky (sex scandal). The scandals play a role as destructors in the politics life. They do not create something of value and what they do is just smirch the fame of the politicians who might have achieved great eclat in other fields.

When we turn to the athletics, it is the same. Citing Michael Jordan as example, the scandal of gambling has devastated the great shadow he built in his splendent career life. Kobe, who lives in the shadow of scandal of raping, usually is called "Raper". Also, some people can attract great attention from the public without scandals. Audrey Hepburn, the famous actress who acted in the Roma Holiday, managed to stay away from the scandals and hold great attention from people. Her whole life was always walking with praise as well as myriad adherences.

In sum, after analyzing scandals in some different areas, we find that scandals may have positive side to some degree, but the ultimate characteristic of them is to impose negative effects on people.

本文太单调，认识不够全面。我也不能全面的表达，你可以看看很多提纲总结总结。

TOPIC: ARGUMENT117 - The following is a memo from the business manager of Valu-Mart stores.

"Over 70 percent of the respondents to a recent survey reported that they are required to take more work home with them from the workplace than they were in the past. Since Valu-Mart has not seen impressive sales in its office-supply departments in the past, we should take advantage of this work-at-home trend by increasing at all Valu-Mart stores the stock of home office machines such as printers, small copy machines, paper shredders, and fax machines. We will also increase stock of office supplies such as paper, pens, and staplers. With these changes, our office-supply departments will become the most profitable component of our stores."

WORDS: 417       TIME: 00:29:57       DATE: 2007-8-15 0:30:59

In this argument, the author recommends that the Valu-Mart (VM) store should increase the stock of home office machines as well as office supplies and thus the office-supply departments will become the most profitable component in the store. To justify this recommendation, the author cites the result of a recent survey that show there is a work-at-home trend. The argument suffers a few flaws, which render it unconvincing.

To begin with, the author bases the argument on the reliability of the recent survey. However, the author provides no evidence to corroborate the reliability of the survey. Lacking evidence that whether the respondents are representative of all the workers in general, it is possible that the people incline to response are people who are not satisfied with the work they do and they may not give some objective information. Without ruling out such scenario, the author's claim is not logical.

Even assuming that the result of survey is reliable, the author unfairly assumes that they will need some office machines and office supplies. Perhaps they already have such machines and their office supplies are sufficient. Such scenario, if true will cast considerable doubt in the reason of the author.

Moreover, even if I accept that people will need the things they supply, the author fails to support the assumption he/she relies on that this trend will continue. It is possible that the dissatisfaction of the worker has caught the government's attention and a series of laws has carried out the stop this trend. It is equally possible that the efficiency of the workers will rise dramatically in the future. Without taking alternative possibilities into consideration, the author can not persuade me that this recommendation is wise.

Even if the author can substantiate the assumptions above, the author's prediction is unwarranted. There is no information about the project of other departments which will bring profits to them. Perhaps other departments are more profitable. Or perhaps there exist strong competitors which renders there is no profit for the author's department to gain. Without ruling out these situations, the author's prediction is questionable.

In sum, the author's recommendation relies on a series of dubious assumptions and is therefore unpersuasive. To bolster the argument, the author should provide the evidence to lend credibility to the survey. Also, the author should justify the assumption that the need of their supplies will rise and it will continue. To better assess the argument, it might be helpful to inform me the information of other department.

你的argument 几乎篇篇都好！

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