[求助] 自己的第三篇作文，大家帮拍！ [复制链接]

原帖由 icetallica 于 2007-9-5 15:58 发表
As more and more influences, like media, act on,（句子被断掉了） the parentsstart tothink that they are gradually losing the control of their kids. Yes,（True。yes太口语拉）manyexamples demonstrate that a number of kids’ lives being changed, oreven ruined,by the TV and movies （are undeniable）, but I still have tosay that I disagreewith this point.（have to say口语，不要but I still hold opposing views to this argument.）
(可以加一个Admittedly，表示这一段是让步)The media, to say TVs and movies, are very likely toinfluence the kids.As the kids always do not have many experiences of judgingthings, theyare not supposed to be critical. Therefore, it is reasonable toexpectthat the kids may copy（follow/emulate/identify with） some attitudes from the characters in thescreen.Take an elder brother in a family for instance; he may easilyget on the habitof playing tricks on his younger sister and brotherafter he saw Mike from thefamous TV Drama ‘Growing Pains’（这个例子我觉得蛮好的，很容易让人产生identification;d:）, meanwhile,as well,（as well可以不要） he will probably begin tocontemplate himself a pretty free andirritating life when he is watching ‘FightClub’, we know it （用which就好）is one ofthe best Oscar pictures.
The kids may be affected by many other events outside thehome equally.The kids are making friends as they growing up; at the same timetheyhave many opportunities to take part in the parties or raves held bytheirfriends. Just imagine what it would be like if he, the same boy Imentioned inthe last paragraph, see someone who have reached the legalage are drinkingthere? Yes, he will definitely feel that is cool, buthe will not realize thatit is harmful to drink and himself is still aminor. As we say, the kids arevery easily to get influenced by others.He may get contact with other things likesex and drug, which are evenmore dangerous to them, in the party or rave aswell.
We talked（完成时更好） about many influences from the outside world thatare actingon the kids, but it just does not mean their parents have beenreplaced.Conversely, the parents can still control their kids byleading them to thegood things. They can help the kids choose themeaningful TV programs, like scienceprograms and documentary programs,which can benefit the kids with a developmentof their intellect andsense of values. Meanwhile, the parents can also bringthe kids to thespeech from the successful people and some reading events, orthey canjust simply monitor the parties held by the kids to keep them awayfromthe bad influence. Consequently, we can draw the conclusion thattheparents can do many things to control their kids and help them growup healthily.