[a习作temp] Argument53【Triple Week】第7次练习by ahng [复制链接]

ahng
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发表于 2009-7-25 18:38:18 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 483 TIME: 00:45:00(又超时了) DATE: 2009-7-25 18:19:51

Merely grounded on the study on the distress conditions of 25 infants when they are infants and teenagers and the assumption that mothers' production of melatonin would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight, the author of this argument unfairly makes a conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. However, with close scrutiny, the argument tends to suffer from several critical flaws, rendering itself unconvincing to me.

To begin with, the result of the mentioned study turns out to be weak in some points. First, the number of infants studied in the research is too little - only 25 - to provide any statistical regulation. Second, the level of distress is unclear in the study. That's saying it is unknown how the mild distress is defined. What’s more, common sense tells us that almost everyone has some degree of inconvenience when they are exposed in unfamiliar situations. However, the author also fails to provide any evidences in the argument to show that there are some infants who actually do not have such distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli.

Secondly, even though we concede that data of the study is credible, yet the author fails to provide any evidence to substantiate the direct causal relationship between melatonin and the appearance of those infants' distress feeling. That is to say, the stress feeling might be a result of other factors, such as some other kinds of hormone or gene. Furthermore, the author here does not rule out the possibility that other infants who are conceived in other seasons can also suffer from such distress. It is entirely possible that there exist more infants being conceived in other seasons who have the similar feelings, in which case the relationship between melatonin and distress can not be directly built.

Last but not least, the author does not successfully prove that the shyness when teenager is closely the consequence of their distress when infant. On the one hand, the statistics learnt from the teenagers themselves is unpersuasive due to the respective attitudes to the feeling of shyness. As we know, it is probable that the individuals who identifies themselves as shy are not acting shyly any more, since their attitudes are not a good indication of their behaviors. On the other hand, the author does not mention the accurate percentage of the infants who identifies themselves as shy. Perhaps, there are only 13 or so infants, which is also 'more than half'. But the data would never reveal any relationship between the condition of infants and that of the teenagers.

To sum it up, the arguer incorrectly makes the conclusion based on several problematic assumptions. In order to bolster the idea, more samples of infants should be studied in the research. And to better assess the argument, I would need more information about the hormone melatonin.

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mymuro
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沙发

发表于 2009-7-26 22:17:19 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 mymuro 于 2009-7-26 22:19 编辑

Merely grounded on the study on the distress conditions of 25 infants when they are infants and teenagers and the assumption that mothers' production of melatonin would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight, the author of this argument unfairly makes a conclusion that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life. However, with close scrutiny, the argument tends to suffer from several critical flaws, rendering itself unconvincing to me（多余了吧，I ，me最好别出现）.

To begin with, the result of the mentioned study turns out to be weak in some points. First, the number of infants studied in the research is too little - only 25 - to provide any statistical regulation. Second, the level of distress is unclear in the study. That's saying it is unknown how the mild distress is defined. What’s more, common sense tells us that almost everyone has some degree of inconvenience when they are exposed in unfamiliar situations. However, the author also fails to provide any evidences in the argument to show that there are some infants who actually do not have such distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli.

Secondly, even though（if吧，假设而已） we concede that data of the study is credible, yet the author fails to provide any evidence to substantiate the direct causal relationship between melatonin and the appearance of those infants' distress feeling. That is to say, the stress feeling might be a result of other factors, such as some other kinds of hormone or gene. Furthermore, the author here does not rule out the possibility that other infants who are conceived in other seasons can also suffer from such distress. It is entirely possible that there exist（there are吧） more infants being conceived in other seasons who have the similar feelings, in which case the relationship between melatonin and distress can not be directly built.

Last but not least, the author does not successfully prove that the shyness when teenager is closely the consequence of their distress when infant. On the one hand, the statistics learnt from the teenagers themselves is unpersuasive due to the respective attitudes to the feeling of shyness. As we know, it is probable that the individuals who identifies themselves as shy are not acting shyly any more, since their attitudes are not a good indication of their behaviors. On the other hand, the author does not mention the accurate percentage of the infants who identifies themselves as shy. Perhaps, there are only 13 or so infants, which is also 'more than half'. But the data would never reveal any relationship between the condition of infants and that of the teenagers.
貌似执着于more than half 没必要。。。再讲讲其他因素吧，如成长环境，其他药物，或者身边伙伴太活跃于觉得自己shy

To sum it up, the arguer incorrectly makes the conclusion based on several problematic assumptions. In order to bolster the idea, more samples of infants should be studied in the research. And to better assess the argument, I would need more information about the hormone melatonin.

基本上没问题，攻击点别太人参公鸡就行了，反驳要合理点，执着于区区一个half没什么必要，重要的是show出自己思维的全面性

既然是GRE，那么更是非杀不可