[i习作temp] Issue48【八月未央AW小组】7月14日(第6次作业)by潇烟弥漫 [复制链接]

潇烟弥漫
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2008-7-14 21:51:11 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

From the author's point of view, he thinks that study of history places too much emphasis on individuals because that the most significant events and trends in history were made by common groups of people. However the author's opinion has his point, I would rather to consider this issue in both ways which means that both the famous few and forgotten groups of people contribute to the most significant events.

Firstly let us see the point of author's opinion. There are so many marvelous things which are unbelievably breath-taking are created by the common people. In china there is the world-famous Great Wall. It was starting being built by the people of the Tsin Dynasty. After years of hard work and the sacrifice of great number of people the Great Wall was finally finished. The historical and cultural significance of this structure plays an important role of the development of China. In Egypt there are also items of this kind which are the well known pyramids. Until now scientists still can not find out the truly specific way that how the ancient Egyptians built these enormous structures. Therefore we can see the incredible intelligence of the ancient people who we have no idea what their names are. From the examples I mentioned before we can understand that why we should pay more attention on these people who built glorious structures which last for thousands of years.

However, engraving the people's work on our mind, we can not ignore the famous few. They are the individuals who made remarkably achievement which did great good to the society. Unlike the author's statement, there are many significant events which are made by the famous few. Nowadays our life can not live without the electricity. No matter the entertainment or science research, electricity is the indispensable item therefore the generators are very important. Thus the famous scientist who made a great contribution to the invention of generators no doubt is worthy to be remembered. Faraday is the scientist who first discovered the electromagnetic induction phenomenon. It was the premise of the generators' creation and started the new period of electrification. Thus, without scientists like Faraday who focus on science research and make contribution, our world probably is still in the Stone Age. Due to their work now we live in a scientific, technological and high efficient world. This is why the study of history should place emphasis on some individuals.

As the two different aspects I mentioned above, both "the famous few" and "groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten" need to be pay huge attention on. "The groups of people" created marvelous structures which we still think unbelievably hard to construct under today's technical conditions, let alone in ancient times. This kind of events can definitely be called significant events. "The famous few" made achievement which promote the improvement and development of human beings and the society. Both their contributions are remarkable. Hence the study of history should place emphasis on both.

In the sum, the author's opinion is too extreme because he does not consider all the aspect. Therefore after the analysis I made above, we can see the comprehensive view of the issue.

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朝华夕拾
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沙发

发表于 2008-7-15 01:26:51 |只看该作者

发现改作文比自己写还慢~sigh~

From the author's point of view, he thinks that study of history places too much emphasis on individuals because that the most significant events and trends in history were made by common groups of people. However the author's opinion has his point（删了读起来更清晰）, I would rather to consider this issue in both ways which means that both the famous few and forgotten groups of people contribute to the most significant events.

Firstly let us see the point of author's opinion. There are so many marvelous things （which are unbelievably breath-taking定语从句） are created by the common people.（一句话里两个be动词……） In china there is the world-famous Great Wall. It was starting（为啥要用过去进行时） being built by the people of the Tsin Dynasty. After years of hard work and the sacrifice of great number of people the Great Wall was finally finished. The historical and cultural significance of this structure plays an important role of the development of China. In Egypt there are also items of this kind which are the well known pyramids. Until now scientists still can not find out the truly specific way that how the ancient Egyptians built these enormous structures. Therefore we can see the incredible intelligence of the ancient people who we have no idea what their names are. From the examples I mentioned before we can understand that why we should pay more attention on these people who built glorious structures which last for thousands of years.（本段观点：群众创造历史）

However, engraving the people's work on our mind, we can not（cannot） ignore the famous few. They are the individuals who made remarkably achievement which did great good to the society. Unlike the author's statement, there are many significant events which are made by the famous few. Nowadays our life can not live without the electricity. No matter the entertainment or science research, electricity is the indispensable item therefore the generators are very important. Thus the famous scientist who made a great contribution to the invention of generators no doubt is worthy to be remembered. Faraday is the scientist who first discovered the electromagnetic induction phenomenon. It was the premise of the generators' creation and started the new period of electrification. Thus, without scientists like Faraday who focus on science research and make contribution, our world probably is still in the Stone Age. Due to their work now we live in a scientific, technological and high efficient world. This is why the study of history should place emphasis on some individuals.(缕一缕：人们生活离不开电->电重要->发电机重要->法拉第电磁感应定律->少数伟人重要。绕了这么大一个圈子。不能说没有逻辑，知识逻辑得太绕远，太不直接。尤其划线部分，一般人真的很难联想得到。头脑风暴的说。)

As the two different aspects I mentioned above, both "the famous few" and "groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten" need to be pay（paid） huge attention on. "The groups of people" created marvelous structures which we still think unbelievably hard to construct under today's technical conditions, let alone in ancient times. This kind of events can definitely be called significant events. "The famous few" made achievement which promote the improvement and development of human beings and the society. Both their contributions are remarkable. Hence the study of history should place emphasis on both.

In the sum, the author's opinion is too extreme because he does not consider all the aspect. Therefore after the analysis I made above, we can see the comprehensive view of the issue.（这一段可以并到上一段。ps.issue也不用刻意的去批驳，归根到底issue是立论文）

树干没有问题
树枝稍有些乱，要继续梳理
树叶还不错

总体可以的~加油~
我会周公去鸟~

[ 本帖最后由朝华夕拾于 2008-7-15 01:56 编辑 ]

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zuominyu87
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板凳

发表于 2008-7-15 16:30:52 |只看该作者

From the author's point of view, he thinks that study of history places too much emphasis on individuals because that the most significant events and trends in history were made by common groups of people. However the author's opinion has his point, I would rather to consider this issue in both ways which means that both the famous few and forgotten groups of people contribute to the most significant events.(很简洁)

Firstly let us see the point of author's opinion. There are so many marvelous things which are unbelievably breath-taking are created by the common people. In china there is the world-famous Great Wall.(这个例子很不错) It was starting being built by the people of the Tsin Dynasty. After years of hard work and the sacrifice of great number of people the Great Wall was finally finished. The historical and cultural significance of this structure plays an important role of the development of China. In Egypt there are also items of this kind which are the well known pyramids. Until now scientists still can not find out the truly specific way that how the ancient Egyptians built these enormous structures. Therefore we can see the incredible intelligence of the ancient people who we have no idea what their names are. From the examples I mentioned before(above) we can understand that why we should pay more attention on these people who built glorious structures which last for thousands of years.(这一段感觉象是在写argu了）

However, engraving the people's work on our mind, we can not ignore the famous few. They are the individuals who made remarkably achievement which did great good to the society. Unlike the author's statement, there are many significant events which are made by the famous few. Nowadays our life can not live（直接用we can not live 不可以吗） without the electricity. No matter the entertainment or science research, electricity is the indispensable item therefore the generators are very important. Thus the famous scientist who made a great contribution to the invention of generators no doubt is worthy to be remembered. Faraday is the scientist who first discovered the electromagnetic induction phenomenon. It was the premise of the generators' creation and started the new period of electrification.（向你学习，写这么长的句子，还能不让人感觉绕） Thus, without scientists like Faraday who focus on science research and make contribution, our world probably is still in the Stone Age. Due to their work now we live in a scientific, technological and high efficient world. This is why the study of history should place emphasis on some individuals.（现在看来是在尝试完全不同的写法，那么这样也不错，跟上一段对比。）

As the two different aspects I mentioned above, both "the famous few" and "groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten" need to be pay huge （great 会不会好些呢。似乎没见过huge 这么用的）attention on. "The groups of people" created marvelous structures which we still think unbelievably hard to construct under today's technical conditions, let alone in ancient times. This kind of events can definitely be called significant events. "The famous few" made achievement which promote the improvement and development of human beings and the society. Both their contributions are remarkable. Hence the study of history should place emphasis on both.（如果用这种方法的话，那么应该再详细的论述一些会更好，不能直接举完例子，然后简单论述就完了，会觉得深度不够）

In the sum, the author's opinion is too extreme because he does not consider all the aspect. Therefore after the analysis I made above, we can see the comprehensive view of the issue.
(这个结尾似乎太匆忙了点。）

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