[未归类] 作文求拍 [复制链接]

oxyzen
UID: 2563930

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 0
寄托币: 136
注册时间: 2008-10-26
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2008-12-2 15:58:29 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Decisions can be made quickly, or they can be made after careful thought. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The decisions that people make quickly are always wrong. Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.

Life is full of choices and decisions, some of which might determine our future. Therefore it is recommended that we make decisions after careful thought in order to choose wisely.

Without careful thought we are not able to take all the possibility into account, in which situation we may devaluate the diversity of the problem we face and come to a wrong decision. Once in a math class when I was ten, we were asked to solve a math problem which is seems easier than it was. When all the other students are thinking carefully about how to solve it, within a short time I gave my answer to my teacher and felt really proud of myself. However, the result turned out to be wrong and I was really embarrassed.

It is widely accepted that we should think carefully before we make decisions, however that is not to say decisions made quickly will always be wrong. Certain factors have to be taken into consideration before we reach a conclusion. Decision-making is complicated process which involves plenty of factors such as the situation, the pertaining individuals and the decision-maker's experience and intelligence. Some people may make decisions faster than others, if they possess a large variety of experience or have met the similar situation before, which will certainly result in a quicker decision and at the same time a right one. This would probably true when it comes to the battle field. Chairman Mao is a great military genius, and the fierce battles made it a must for him to make decisions in a very short time. And he did it. If not for the decisions he had made by the time the Red Army was in the Long March, there would not be any People's Republic of China. Surely this is a typical example of making right decisions quickly.

In conclusion, though we should take careful thought to make a right decision, it is not certain that decisions made quickly are always wrong.

回应
0

使用道具举报

mpromanus
UID: 2565872

长老一袋

Rank: 8 Rank: 8

声望: 762
寄托币: 12296
注册时间: 2008-10-30
精华: 4
帖子: 907

沙发

发表于 2008-12-5 21:17:12 |只看该作者

Life is full of choices and decisions, some of which might determine our future. Therefore it is recommended that we make decisions after careful thought in order to choose wisely. (问题是问你同意不同意仓促的决定都是错的这句话，不是问你我们应该深思熟虑再作决定与否..You have to directly address and answer the question here.)

Without careful thought, we are not able to take all the possibilities into account, a situation in which situation we may devaluate (这个字的意思是 to lessen the value of money - as in 货币贬值的意思..I think you mean 'fail to consider') the diversity of the problem we face and come to a wrong decision. Once in a math class when I was ten, we were asked to solve a math problem which is seemed easier than it was. When all the other students are thinking carefully about how to solve it, within a short time I gave my answer to my teacher and felt really proud of myself. However, the result turned out to be wrong and I was really embarrassed. (Okay, so what's the point of this story? Don't be the first to give an answer so you'll never embarrass yourself? You need to be very clear about what point you're trying to make after giving an example because an example can be read from a lot of perspectives, not just yours.)

It is widely accepted that we should think carefully before we make decisions, however that is not to say decisions made quickly will always be wrong. Certain factors have to be taken into consideration before we reach a conclusion. Decision-making is complicated process which involves plenty of factors such as the situation, the pertaining individuals (Do you mean 'individuals invovled'?) and the decision-maker's experience and intelligence. Some people may make decisions faster than others, if they possess a large variety of experiences or have met the similar situations before, which will certainly result in a quicker decision and at the same time a right one. This would probably be true when it comes to the battlefield. Chairman Mao is a great military genius, (Be cautious about that. He's a controversial figure in the West. 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do' - choose examples in the Western context so your readers will be familiar with them - and possibly develop a liking to your essay - or choose personal, generic ones. Avoid using such controversial examples.): and the fierce battles made it a must for him to make decisions in a very short time, and he did it. If not for the decisions he had made by the time the Red Army was in the Long March, there would not be any People's Republic of China. (Again, avoid examples that you're familiar with but your readers might not be. It's unlikely that an average TOEFL essay scorer will know any detail about the Long March.) Surely this is a typical example of making right decisions quickly.

In conclusion, though we should take careful thought to make a right decision, it is not certain that decisions made quickly are always wrong. (结尾需要再强调一下主要论点)

总结：

语言方面已经不错，主要的问题是文章结构。议论文需要正面直接地回答题目所提出的问题，这篇里是agree or disagree，所以agree或者disagree至少需要在你的开头段里出现一次。。另外就是举例子的问题 - 尽量少举政治、种族、宗教、性别类的例子（除非题目就是关于政治种族宗教性别的。。），尽量举西方人熟悉的东西（他们看到会开心的，相信俺。。就像中国人听到外国人说中文一般会下意识觉得这个人应该会比较了解中国比较亲切一样。。而让考官心里舒服会让他们对文章有比较好的印象，尽管不会有让你从fair到good之类的大幅度提升，但是一般会比较愿意在级别内多给一点分。不要觉得这是投机取巧，所谓与人方便自己方便，能让一个人走得更远），或者举大众化的例子。