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[i习作temp] Issue56 定回拍,我的第四篇 by jenny11235 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-2-11 11:07:08 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."
WORDS: 590
TIME: 01:00:00
DATE: 2009-2-11 10:30:05

同意作者观点
1： 现代问题影响人类生活，如果不解决社会不会稳定，各方面受影响
2： 现代问题解决时要考虑对未来的影响
3： 由于未来的不确定性，问题解决后带来的效益不会立刻显现出来，所以应该将精力投到现在的问题

Governments, the authorities in policy, culture, and economy, have a huge responsibility in making decision about solving problems. Considering the two kinds of problems, immediate ones of today and the anticipateds, governments should try their best in solving the immediate ones, as they are more relevant with people's lives. Moreover, the effects of anticipated problems of the future are hardly to see. So I totally agree with the author's claim.

First and foremost, without solving the immediate problems, the lives of people would face many challenges, inducing the society to be unstable. Common sense tells me that the immediate problems are often the ones that influence and threat us directly. Such problems as traffic jams, food shortage, and trade barriers need the immediate attentions of governments. If the governments put the traffic problem aside, the productivity in such nation would be low as people spend too much time in waiting. If the problem of food shortage is suspending all the time, numerous people in developing countries would die of hungry. If there is no free trade among nations, the global economy would be as half as it is now. All of these immediate problems are caused by the longtime backwards in some aspects. Governments, to win the favor of the public, should face these challenges directly and put up effective solutions. Otherwise, they cannot be viewed as the director and safeguard of the country.

Additionally, governments should take into consideration of the possible future effects in solving the immediate problems. The immediate problems, themselves, can be divided into two categories, one bringing huge profits at the little expense and another receiving little profit after solving. In my point of view, those, bringing huge profits at the little expense, should be superior to the later ones. For example, the supplement of nutrients of vitamins A and E to the children in undeveloped countries and the invention of vaccine of AIDS are both immediate problems. Which one should we choose first? Considering that the supplement of nutrients would sharply decrease the death of children in undeveloped countries and cost much less money than the later, we don’t know the exact to have an effective vaccine though we pay numerous money in invention; we undoubtedly rank the supplement of nutrients to the children in the first place.

At last, as effects of solving the anticipated problems are hardly to see, government should be careful in making any decisions. Nowadays, as no one can firmly tells us what will happen in details, future is the most mysterious thing in the world. We just take some actions by what it appears now. So mistakes cannot be avoided in this process. Best example comes from the unrecoverable damage to the environment bought by the construction of Aswan Dam, which aims to prevent the river's flooding, generate and provide water for agriculture. Silt was deposited in the yearly floods, fishing declined due to nutrients trapped behind the dam and erosion of coastline happened as well, causing numerous people have to leave their homes and the economy decline of

In sum, the decision of focus more on solving the immediate problems made by the government is surely advisable. Owing to the immediate profits and confidence of the mass it will bring, the government can make its authority more solid by winning the trust of people. Though, we have to admit that in some cases, the anticipate problems are equally important, as we don't know what effect it will make, they cannot be ranked superior to the immediate problems.
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沙发
发表于 2009-2-11 11:12:12 |只看该作者
今天正好也写这篇，写完了再来“拍”你！pia pia~
【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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板凳
发表于 2009-2-11 14:29:03 |只看该作者
观点是倾向于作者的，当然，issue的观点没有死规定，只要说的合理就行，我提几点意见吧！
第二段论证（additionally)中那immediate problems分成两类好像不够严谨（虽然这是为了论证方便），然后那个例子（vitamin和aids的）似乎举得不好，楼主presumptuously判定前者好，但艾滋如果能找到治愈方法的话我认为意义也很重大，建议举别的例子。而且这一段是现在的问题和现在的问题在自己对比，就好比是窝里斗，忽略的题目的论证对象。
第三段那个阿斯旺坝和future problems的联系在哪里？没看出来...仿佛是现在的problems然后在future出现了副作用。
总的来说，就是论证future problems的时候没什么说服力，immediate problems讲的还行

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Libra天秤座 荣誉版主 GRE斩浪之魂 GRE守护之星

地板
发表于 2009-2-11 14:31:17 |只看该作者
我的也是今天刚写的，是平衡论点，楼主有兴趣的话看看吧，帮忙指出一下不足~
56. "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."
政府应该把更多的注意力放在解决当务之急，而不是试图解决将来预期的问题上。
提纲：
政府的注意力应该在两者找到平衡点
1一些迫在眉睫的问题必须解决。例如环境问题、犯罪问题、失业
2但也要进行长期的研究，虽然现在没有明显收益，但对未来有好处，可持续发展，能源问题。造福后人其实也是在造福自己
3如果只顾眼前，就会处于被动之中，永远处于落后。一些高新技术被其他国家垄断
只顾将来，不考虑现在，就导致社会动荡，本末倒置（没有现在，和谈未来）
总结
正文：
Words: 591
As for every government, how to make a perfect budget is a difficult task. Some insists that more care should be focused on immediate, existing social problems, while others argue that long-term research that might help future generations should get more support from government. In my point of view, I suggest that both of the two sides should not be neglected, and the government is supposed to call for a balance between allocating energy for immediate problems and spending it on long-term research.

To be responsible for the current citizens, government should make an effort to solve fundamental existing problems, problems that related closely to people’s daily life, such as unemployment, polluted environment, social crimes, to ensure the society to work well on the whole. In point of fact, providing more jobs for society is necessary on account that the fewer unemployed people are there, the more stable the society becomes. As people are able to feed themselves, dissatisfaction will be too less to have negative effect on social stability. Besides, if government put more attention on limiting social crimes, which badly damages social order and economy development, citizens will feel safe to live and work, thus creating a smooth environment for the country to develop. In conclusion, as a responsible government, it should pay necessary attention to those existing problems which affects people’s daily lives.

Nonetheless, we should never overlook the necessity of long-term research, even though the benefit brought by which may not be so obvious immediately. We should be farsighted to see the problems of the future rather than limit ourselves to the current situation, that’s why China put forward the thought of “sustainable development”. Since the world today not only belongs to us but also belongs to our next generation, we should allow for their benefit besides our own. Some problems may not be so serious today, but when it becomes severe some day in the future, it will be too late to restore the situation. Take the energy problem as an example, which has become more and more serious nowadays. If we don’t take any methods to solve this problem, sooner or later the energy will be used up, and sequentially all the products which need electricity or oil will be useless. Considering this effect, many scientists today are dipping into the research to find new energy sources. Therefore, the future problems need our necessary attentions and advanced actions.

As a famous saying goes,” the key to success is to plan for the next day”. If government only considers the immediate problems, it won’t be a successful one. In the science field, if a country only focuses its attention on the existing problems and never tries to invent something advanced which is expected to have use in the future, it is likely that the technology of the country will fall behind others who are farseeing. As a result, we should allocate force on the future problems. On the other hand, if we just consider the problems in the future, there will also be contradictories. Probably our society will get into a mess and even chaos, since crimes and unemployment together with other problems are seen everywhere. Without a steady status of now, how could we talk about the future?

As a sum, our government should neither just focus on the immediate problems nor consider only the future problems, both of which go to extremes. To be a wise and responsible one, government should make a balance to allocate energy between problems existed and problems to come.

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5楼
发表于 2009-2-11 15:00:21 |只看该作者
先说点对题目的理解好了
这题比较玄乎的地方就是那个more. ETS把面对的问题分成了两类，现在的和影响将来的，不管你选择支持哪一类，它并没有说不放注意力或者只放很少的注意力在另外一类上面，只强调了more,那么51%的精力支持现在，49%支持未来，也应当算是more，算是支持作者，而不是所谓的balance。
况且有不少问题既是现在的问题，又是将来的问题，属于两者混合的，比如教育，能源。因此在我看来，中立的观点实在不是很好写，严格的来讲，中立应当是能说服政府两边各放50%，不存在more了，才叫中立...
这题的本质实际上是让考AW的人衡重，现在和将来哪一个“更”重要，因此要看自己对世界性问题的理解了...
从楼主的提纲来看，非常清晰的阐述了自己的立场，等会儿再来看看正文
平生太湖上，短棹几经过，于今重到何事？ 愁比水云多。拟把匣中长剑，换取扁舟一叶，归去老渔蓑。银艾非吾事，丘壑已蹉跎。
脍新鲈，斟美酒，起悲歌：太平生长，岂谓今日识干戈！欲泻三江雪浪，净洗胡尘千里，无为挽天河。回首望霄汉，双泪坠清波。

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6楼
发表于 2009-2-11 15:44:45 |只看该作者
50% VS 50%这几乎是不可能论证的？不可能量化到这种程度...

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7楼
发表于 2009-2-11 16:13:48 |只看该作者
Governments, the authorities in policy（policy是方针和方案，政治是politics）, culture, and economy, have a huge responsibility in making decision about solving problems. Considering the two kinds of problems, immediate ones of today and the anticipateds, governments should try their best in solving the immediate ones, as they are more relevant with people's lives. Moreover, the effects of anticipated problems of the future are hardly to see. （开头有点偏，我觉得这个开头偏重的是政府功能，如果是写这样一篇Issue，“政府而非个人应当关注xx方面问题”，那这样的开头是合适的。而正如我上面的回复提到的，这篇的关键应当是衡重现在的问题和影响将来的问题，所以我建议开头直接把两个方面的问题拿出来阐述）So I totally agree with the author's claim.


First and foremost, without solving the immediate problems, the lives of people would face many challenges（这里应当强调一下是活着的人，因为不解决未来问题，人的生活同样会面临挑战，只不过那是后代的事情罢了）, inducing the society to be unstable. Common sense tells me that the immediate problems are often the ones that influence and threat us directly. Such problems as traffic jams, food shortage, and trade barriers（我记得红宝有个词叫boycott也是这个意思） need the immediate attentions of governments. If the governments put the traffic problem aside, the productivity in such nation would be low as（直接原因用because或者for,此外as作为原因连词的时候，一般放在句首） people spend too much time in waiting. If the problem of food shortage is suspending all the time, numerous people in developing(绝对了吧，用underprivilege) countries would die of hungry. If there is no free trade among nations, the global economy would be as half as it is now. (论证没有深入，交通导致生产力下降，粮食短缺导致饥荒，贸易抵制导致经济只有一半...这些最好要和人的lives联系起来，你前面已经说过的嘛，一个是influence,一个是treat，都是对lives of people的，所以说加一点东西：生产力下降，可能会导致物价上涨，贸易下降，导致物资紧缺，这些都会直接影响人的生活水平)All of these immediate problems are caused by the longtime backwards（这个词看不懂...） in some aspects. Governments, to win the favor of the public, should face these challenges directly and put up effective solutions. Otherwise, they cannot be viewed as the director and safeguard of the country.


Additionally, governments should take into consideration of（一般用法是take...into consideration） the possible future effects in solving the immediate problems. The immediate problems, themselves, can be divided into two categories, one bringing huge profits at the little expense and another receiving little profit after solving. In my point of view, those, bringing huge profits at the little expense, should be superior to（很奇怪的用法，而且这个短语的意思不是你要表达的那种） the later ones. For example, the supplement of nutrients of vitamins A and E to the children in undeveloped countries and the invention of vaccine of AIDS are both immediate problems. Which one should we choose first? Considering that the supplement of nutrients would sharply decrease the death of children in undeveloped countries and cost much less money than the later, we don’t know the exact to have an effective vaccine though we pay numerous money in invention; we undoubtedly rank the supplement of nutrients to the children in the first place. （总结了一下，你这段是想说政府应当投入到花费少但是影响深远的当代问题当中。但实际上这段给我的感觉是在窝里斗，不是想说现在的问题和未来的问题哪个更重要，而是现在的问题当中哪些更值得投资。和你的提纲可不一致...本来看了你的提纲，我还以为你准备写成类似这样的：政府在解决失业问题的时候应当考虑到大规模增加工厂会对环境污染严重...）


At last, as effects of solving the anticipated problems are hardly to see（see effect?我倒是觉得应该是expect effect）, government should be careful in making any decisions. Nowadays, as no one can firmly tells us what will happen in details, future is the most mysterious thing in the world. We (should) just take some actions by what it appears now. So mistakes cannot be avoided in this process.(这个so是怎么出来的，前后没啥因果关系吧) Best example comes from the unrecoverable damage to the environment bought by the construction of Aswan Dam, which aims to prevent the river's flooding, generate and provide water for agriculture. Silt was deposited in the yearly floods, fishing declined due to nutrients trapped behind the dam and erosion of coastline happened as well, causing numerous people have to leave their homes and the economy decline of （例子和前文的叙述关系不大，前文说未来的事情现在很难看到，因此应当关注现在。大坝的问题讲的是它防洪水的时候，给周围的环境带来了重大的破坏，是在讨论一个事物的两面性。这个例子，一没有支持未来不可预测的论点，二没有提到对现在的关注，感觉很失败）


In sum, the decision of focus（ing） more on solving the immediate problems made by the government is surely advisable. Owing to the immediate profits and confidence of the mass it will bring, the government can make its authority more solid by winning the trust of people. Though, we have to admit that in some cases, the anticipate(d) problems are equally important, as we don't know what effect it will make, they cannot be ranked superior to the immediate problems.(结尾段同样过分强调了政府的职能，make its authority more solid by winning the trust of people算是败笔了，题目没有任何关于稳固政权的想法，重点仍然应当放在两方面问题的优劣上)
平生太湖上，短棹几经过，于今重到何事？ 愁比水云多。拟把匣中长剑，换取扁舟一叶，归去老渔蓑。银艾非吾事，丘壑已蹉跎。
脍新鲈，斟美酒，起悲歌：太平生长，岂谓今日识干戈！欲泻三江雪浪，净洗胡尘千里，无为挽天河。回首望霄汉，双泪坠清波。

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Issue56 定回拍,我的第四篇 by jenny11235
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