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[i习作temp] 帮我打打分吧,下周二就考作文了,嘿嘿 [复制链接]

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发表于 2009-3-18 16:37:16 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
161 "In this age of intensive media coverage, it is no longer possible for a society to regard any woman or man as a hero. The reputation of anyone who is subjected to media scrutiny will eventually be diminished."
在媒体铺天盖地的年代,不可能树立英雄。任何人在媒体的“审视”下都会名声扫地。
WORDS: 1071          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-3-17 13:52:46
As one old saying goes, " one man's meat is another man's poison." People's opinions diverge from each other, not to mention on the contraversial statement that whether it is no longer possible for a society to regard any woman or man as a hero under the intensive media coverage because his or her reputation will eventually be diminished or not. As a matter of fact, from where I stand, that it is quite possible for a society to regard a woman or man as a hero under the intensive media coverage is preferable. My position would be supported by the following two points-- first and foremost, the function of media is to show real informaiton to general public which is not related to that a man or woman's reputation will necessarily be diminished eventually. In addition, although a small part of media coverage tends to provide scandle which may diminish the reputation of a man or woman, most part of media coverage supply general public with real and positive information about a man or woman which can also attract a large number of readers.
To begin with,  the function of media is to show real informaiton to general public which is not related to that a man or woman's reputation will necessarily be diminished eventually. Generally speaking, general pubic like knowing real information. Sometimes general public even want to know the real information despite that the truth will hurt their feelings, for this reason, if media coverage want to live on and attract general public's attetion, they to some extent must provide real information. On the contrary, even if the media coverage show some scandle about a man or woman which can attract a variety number of persons, when people find the truth, the media will have no good outcome. For example, last week the Daily Nespaper wrote a carticle to provide a scandle about the sex scandle between the new head of Johan Company in my state and his secretary which really hit the whole state and the reputation of the new head Jack was greatly diminished. However,this week, a new survey about this scandle shows that the media coverage provided last week is false which give rise of a great deal of criticism about the Daily Newpaper and the sales of its newspaper drops a lot this week. Apparently, in this example, you can not deny the fact that people want to get information which is real but not scandle which might be interesting and diminish the reputation of other people on purpose. Consequently, the media should not relate providing real information and diminishing the reputaton of other people with interesting scandle together. In short,  the function of media is to show real informaiton to general public which is not related to that a man or woman's reputation will necessarily be diminished eventually.
What's more, although a small part of media coverage tends to provide scandle which may diminish the reputation of a man or woman, most part of media coverage supply general public with real and positive information about a man or woman which can also attract a large number of readers. In respect that most people who work on the media coverage are honest and have responsibility about the complicated job and the whole socitey, so most of them can hold a right attitude which is concerned about the security of the society and humanity, harmony and so forth but not the scandle which will just destroy the whole harmony of the society. In contrast, if all media workers supply general public with a variety kinds of scandles which will reveal other people's vicious behaviors which is not necessarily ture, then the whole society will not be harmonious. In brief, although a small part of media coverage tends to provide scandle which may diminish the reputation of a man or woman, most part of media coverage supply general public with real and positive information about a man or woman which can also attract a large number of readers.
Admittedly, to some extent, for the purpose of largest profit, some medias always offer information about a man or woman which will definitely diminish his or her reputation and make him or her not a hero any longer. Due to the fact that the profit is the most important purpose for some medias, they will take any means to attract general public to watch their media coverage which inluding providing scandle about a man or woman and sometimes even making up scandles about a person on purpose. However, although to some extent for the purpose of largest profit, some medias always offer information about a man or woman which will definitely diminish his or her reputation and make him or her not a hero any longer, it can not deny the fact that it is quite possible for a society to regard a woman or man as a hero under the intensive media coverage.
In the final analysis, from what has been discussed above, we can draw the final conclusion that it is quite possible for a society to regard a woman or man as a hero under the intensive media coverage, which can be persuasively supported by the two points stated above that  the function of media is to show real informaiton to general public which is not related to that a man or woman's reputation will necessarily be diminished eventually and that although a small part of media coverage tends to provide scandle which may diminish the reputation of a man or woman, most part of media coverage supply general public with real and positive information about a man or woman which can also attract a large number of readers, although to some extent, for the purpose of largest profit, some medias always offer information about a man or woman which will definitely diminish his or her reputation and make him or her not a hero any longer. When we have a complete understanding about the conclusion, we might reach the agreement that-- on one hand, the whole society and government sould encourage media coverage to provide more information which can play a part in the harmony and well- off of a society or even a country. On the other hand, we should prohibit the phenomenon that diminish a man or woman's reputation for the purpose of just attracting more people to watch the media coverage.
TOPIC: ARGUMENT191 - The following is a letter from a professor at Xanadu College to the college's president.
"The development of an extensive computer-based long-distance learning program will enhance the reputation of Xanadu College. This program would allow more students to enroll in our courses, thereby increasing our income from student tuition. Traditional courses could easily be adapted for distance learners, as was shown by the adaptation of two traditional courses for our distance learning trial project last year. Also, by using computer programs and taped lectures, faculty will have fewer classroom obligations and more time to engage in extensive research, thereby enhancing the reputation of Xanadu."
WORDS: 834          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-3-17 16:40:59
The conclusion endorsed in this argument is that the development of an extensive computer- based long- distance learning program will enhance the reputation of Xanadu College. Several reasons are offered in support of the argument. Firt of all, the income will increase from student tuition because the program would allow more students to enroll in our courses. What's more, traditional courses could easily be adapted for distance learners because last year two traditional courses were easily adapted. Of equal importance is that faculty will have fewer classroom obligations and more time to engage in extensive research, thereby enhancing the reputation of Xanadu. At first glance, the argument appears to be somewhat convincing, but further reflection reveals that the argument is based on some dubious assumptions and the reasoning is biased due to the inadequacy and partiality in the nature of the evidence provided to justify the conclusion. A careful exmination would reveal how groundless the conclusion is.
A threshold problem is the assumption that as long as the program allow more students to enroll in our courses, there wil be more students who will enroll in the courses is open to doubt, since the author fails to provide any single evidence to substantiate the assumption. Without evidence to substantiate the assumption, it is entirely possible that some students are just interested in the distance learning but not going to enroll in our courses and that even some students don't know about the long- distance learning at all, which can not ensure that as long as the program allow more students to enroll in our courses, there wil be more students who will enroll in the courses. The author could not hastily conclude that  as long as the program allow more students to enroll in our courses, there wil be more students who will enroll in the courses before taking all these factors into account. In short, the assumption is dubious as it stands.
Another problem that seriously weakens the logic of the argument is that the author unfairly assumes that as long as two traditional courses for the distance learning were easily adapted last year, all other traditional courses are all easily adapted for distance learners. However, the argument fails to show any evidence to support the assumption. Lacking evidence to support the assumption, it is quite possible that only the two traditional courses are suitable to be adapted for distance learners and that the two traditional coures could be easily adapted last year but this year it might even be hard for these two tradional courses to be adapted, which can not make sure that as long as two traditional courses for the distance learning were easily adapted last year, all other traditional courses are all easily adapted for distance learners. Without taking all these possibilities into account, the author could not convince us that as long as two traditional courses for the distance learning were easily adapted last year, all other traditional courses are all easily adapted for distance learners. In brief, the assumption is doubtful as it stands.
Last but not least, it is necessary to point out another flaw that significantly undermines the argument that the author unfairly asserts that as long as faculty has more time to engage in extensive research, the reputation of Xanadu will be enhanced. Nonetheless, the author overlooks to provide any persuasive evidence to confirm the assumption. For lack of evidence to confirm the assumption, it is entirely possible that some faculty have more time to do other things such as vacation but not research and that some faculty don't make any progress in the research even they have more time to engage in extensive research, which can not ensure that as long as faculty has more time to engage in extensive research, the reputation of Xanadu will be enhanced. Without accounting for all these potential factors, the author could not convince us that as long as faculty has more time to engage in extensive research, the reputation of Xanadu will be enhanced. In a word, the assumption is questionable as it stands.
To conclude, the argument is not persuasive as it stands, accordingly, it is imprudent for the author to claim that the development of an extensive computer- based long- distance learning program will enhance the reputation of Xanadu College. To make this argument logically acceptable, the author would have to substantiate that as long as the program allow more students to enroll in our courses, there wil be more students who will enroll in the courses and that as long as two traditional courses for the distance learning were easily adapted last year, all other traditional courses are all easily adapted for distance learners. In addition, to solidify the conclusion, the author should provide concrete evidence as well to demonstrate that as long as faculty has more time to engage in extensive research, the reputation of Xanadu will be enhanced. Only with convincing evidence could this argument become more than an emotional appeal.
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发表于 2009-3-18 17:49:38 |只看该作者
个人以为得分不会高, 2部分原因。
---词句部分
1。模板 模板本身就问题多多,而且也没有模板是万能的, 生搬硬套, 很别扭
2。句式问题很多。 过多的从句堆砌,造成了句子产生很多的意思模糊的表达。
3。语法问题, 错误太多, 比如开篇的模板中就错。People's opinions diverge from each other, not to mention on the contraversial statement that whether it is no longer possible for a society to regard any woman or man as a hero under the intensive media coverage because his or her reputation will eventually be diminished or not.
这句中, 首先, opinion 不能用复数。
not to mention 的用法也有错。
because his or her reputation will eventually be diminished or not.  这个从句的表达也有问题。 除此之外, 就整句话来说还存在如下问题:意思不清晰, 句子过长, 主句和从句间的逻辑有值得推敲的地方。

---论证问题
1。过多的是您个人的opinion和statement, 实例等有效论据太少。 在A中, opinion 和 statement不能做论据使用。 论据只能来自 统计数字, 事实,实例, 专家意见或者第三者的证言等。
2。分论点对您的总论点的支持不够。 分论点不能让人觉得很自然就能导出您的主论点的观点。

总体建议:放弃或者更换新的模板。 在论据和论证逻辑上多花些时间调理一下。 另外, 临时补一下语法吧,如没时间, 就背些常用句子备用吧。

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RE: 帮我打打分吧,下周二就考作文了,嘿嘿 [修改]
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帮我打打分吧,下周二就考作文了,嘿嘿
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