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mimica
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-3-28 12:43:13 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 mimica 于 2009-3-28 19:22 编辑

Compared with our counterparts decades before, people nowadays have more opportunities to do everything they like with the burgeoning development of technology and economy. Most of us cherish the valuable chance to chase dream, to improve self-quality, and to enrich our spare time, however, a few parts of people lose themselves in front of various choices. Hence there has been an assertion that human beings in current life are busy doing so much things that they can do few of them well. In my opinion, it is rather arbitrary to make this conclusion as numerous of

high-technologies which are the outcomes of people’s intelligence are being used in modern society.

To begin with, it is the flourishing appearance of new inventions that need us to learn more than before. For instance, computer is a newly innovation in last recent years which has been widely spread in almost every fields. Whatever our vocation is, computer skill has become a prerequisite to our routine work. From children to old ones, people study computer knowledge in order to make life more convenient and colorful. Although acquiring computer science costs a lot of time, the fact we can not deny is that it really improves work efficiency by using computer. As a result, more tasks can be done more quickly and systematically.

In addition, no discipline is unattached with other ones. Take my major biology for example; it has such an extensive connection with chemistry that I have to do amounts of chemical experiments to get more deep essence of bio-chemical reactions. In brief, spending time on such correlated professions not only broaden our knowledge but also help us deepen certain understanding.

More over, doing various things people can amuse themselves, which conduce to good health as well as to high efficiency. It is common that individuals kill their leisure time by doing sports, traveling, playing music, etc. Since such activities can wide our horizon and provide us good mood, they are certainly worth enjoying.

To conclude, it is superficial to say that some people’s failure in certain field is because they do other different things. After all, it is the social progress that provides us different choices to face and to try.

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tensionhjj
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沙发

发表于 2009-3-28 23:48:32 |只看该作者

第二段第三行应为every field
computer skill has become...skill是可数名词没有冠词勒，不然就computer skills have...
provide us good mood(provide...with)

我感觉你写的很好啊…用了好多高级词汇……

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neozhongnl
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板凳

发表于 2009-3-30 23:33:41 |只看该作者

Compared with our counterparts(这个词用的不大准确觉得,OBAMA说中国会用这个词,体会一下呢) decades before, people nowadays have more opportunities to do everything they like with the burgeoning(也有点怪,在通常说法的意义上) development of technology and economy. Most of us cherish the valuable chance to chase dream, to improve self-quality(这个词太中国了), and to enrich our spare time, however, a few parts of people lose themselves in front of various choices. Hence there has been an assertion that human beings in current life are busy doing so much things that they can do few of them well. In my opinion, it is rather arbitrary to make this conclusion as numerous of high-technologies which are the outcomes of people’s intelligence are being used in modern society. (个人感觉用词有点重,有些不大合适,不知道这样的用法是不是G更受用一些?)

To begin with, it is the flourishing appearance of new inventions that need us to learn more than before. For instance, computer is a newly innovation in last recent(语法有误) years which has been widely spread in almost every fields. Whatever our vocation is, computer skill has become a prerequisite to our routine work. From children to old ones, people study computer knowledge in order to make life more convenient and colorful. Although acquiring computer science costs a lot of time, the fact we can not deny is that it really improves work efficiency by using computer. As a result, more tasks can be done more quickly and systematically.(WHAT IS UR POINT IN THIS PHARA?)

In addition, no discipline is unattached with other ones. Take my major biology for example; it has such an extensive connection with chemistry that I have to do amounts of chemical experiments to get more deep essence of bio-chemical reactions. In brief, spending time on such correlated professions not only broaden our knowledge but also help us deepen certain understanding.(AGAIN WHAT IS UR POINT?)

More over, doing various things people can amuse themselves, which conduce to good health as well as to high efficiency. It is common that individuals kill their leisure time by doing sports, traveling, playing music, etc. Since such activities can wide our horizon and provide us good mood, they are certainly worth enjoying.

To conclude, it is superficial to say that some people’s failure in certain field is because they do other different things. After all, it is the social progress that provides us different choices to face and to try.(除了可能存在的用词的问题以外, 建议每段的观点能再明确点,现在读起来象诗一样,只能大概感悟. 不过总体还是很不错的)

独自等待.默默忍受.

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