[i习作temp] 我写了7个开头请来讨论一下吧 [复制链接]

Chelsea_CC
UID：2627394

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 1
寄托币: 128
注册时间: 2009-4-9
精华: 0
帖子: 1

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-4-22 12:31:10 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

真的谢谢

1.TOPIC: ISSUE40 - "Scholars and researchers should not be concerned with whether their work makes a contribution to the larger society. It is more important that they pursue their individual interests, however unusual or idiosyncratic those interests may seem."
是否可以背景，
提问开头：
What should scholars and researchers more concerned with, Contribution to the larger society? or their individual interests? From my part of view, interests always act as power(有没有更适合的词) leading them to make contributions, no matter the contributions is direct or not having significance effects.

我认为提问式开头可以增加字数但是有个问题如何衔接就是from my part of view
感觉不大好。
2.TOPIC: ISSUE17 - "There are two types of laws: just and unjust. Every individual in a society has a responsibility to obey just laws and, even more importantly, to disobey and resist unjust laws."
大概是定义式的吧
Thinking from different aspects with the speaker, I prefer to agree that law as a measure to steady the society or country cannot simply classify into unjust or just. And being a member of the society and country, every individual should obey the law to ensure the authoritative of it.
不知道开头的句子是不是太没有力量了，太不自信了，行不行呢？

3.TOPIC: ISSUE120 - "So much is new and complex today that looking back for an understanding of the past provides little guidance for living in the present."
加背景
The rapid develop of technological and science leads to the more recent and complicate society. While the history may not having the direct guidance for living today, yet it is not strict to say today’s world is so unique that the past is irrelevant.
蓝色的和北美范文一样的 我不大会改 会不会雷同？

4.TOPIC: ISSUE56 - "Governments should focus more on solving the immediate problems of today rather than trying to solve the anticipated problems of the future."

For lasting prosperous and better development, the governments are facing the predicament that which problems to focus on, immediate or anticipated. Considering all these problems may effect the development of the country, given finite resources, a balance should be called for when dealing with them.

开头很勉强 怎么改呢？

提问式只是感觉提问式有点功利
What should the governments focus more on solving, the immediate problems of today? Or the anticipated problems of the future? Considering all these problems may effect the development of the country, given finite resources, a balance should be called for when dealing with them.

5.TOPIC: ISSUE144 - "It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."

*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.

Who gives society something of lasting value, artist or critic? Although both of them have unique rules, it is the artist who gives a background on which the critic can put different colors to the artworks. (Although the critic plays an important role in reveal the value to people, it is the artist who gives the value to artworks. 如果比喻的不行这个行么？)

总的评价一下吧 这个开头我还是比较喜欢 能很好的表现我的想法 但是字数很少 也不知道有没有语法错误也不敢用比喻 考官会不理解我的比喻 同时也怕会和正文的写作语气不一样

或者这个可以作为正文段落的开头么？
The lasting value is made not simple by artist but critic also plays an important role in reveal this value to people.可以作为正文段落的开头么？

6.TOPIC: ISSUE69 - "Government should place few, if any, restrictions on scientific research and development"

Should government place few restrictions on scientific research and development? Considering scientific research and development will benefit the society as well as bring unfavorable effects to it, restrictions from the government is need, insofar the research whose objectives are too vague and the development do harm to the society.

最后一句话是不是太长了 是不是 从considering往前都可以删掉。
7.TOPIC: ISSUE88 - "Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

The statement above is generally correct but extends the technologies to determine social customs and ethics.(态度) It is true that the technologies influence social customs and ethics (是不是很啰嗦？), which ,however, is more likely determined by the culture and tradition.

发现开口写的一个比一个段没什么可说的~