[活动] toefl2009_cracking ibt essay写作组_wangxinfei_第四次作业 [复制链接]

wangxinfei
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-4-29 16:37:44 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

to keep children in a excellent growing condition may be the key point of childrens' early education. so in modern times, we face a new problem that how to make best choice for our childrens' growth, one of them is which will offer a better enviorment for our kids,country or big city? taking account of the advantages tha the big city can bring, i will use my power to choose a big city to let my children grow in basing on follow reasons.

firstly,a big city can offer the higher education quality than countryside.as we know, a city gathers much more excellent teachers than countryside, and also schools posses much more modern facilities when countryside still use old facilities to support childrens' education at the same time.

in additon, the big city gives more opportunities to children to learn the fast developing world. the children in city can see a more wonderful world which will do good effects on childrens' learning. for example, having more touchining with modern transportion items in daily life , the children from city may know the bus,planes,boats and their working model than the children in countryside.

so, all in all ,i hold my opinion that children grow in city is much better than in countryside,because of the wonderful conditions tha the city can offer to bulid a excellent enviorment for children.

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yjh6scxh
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沙发

发表于 2009-4-30 11:33:23 |只看该作者

to keep children in an excellent growing condition may be the key point of childrens' early education. so in modern times, we face a new problem that how to make best choice for our childrens' growth, and one of them is which will offer a better enviorment for our kids, country or big city? taking account of the advantages that the big city can bring, i will use my power to choose a big city to let my children grow in basing on following reasons.
  i' I0 B& x) J) K
   firstly,a big city can offer the higher education quality than countryside.as we all know, a city gathers much more excellent teachers than countryside, and also schools posses much more modern facilities when(while) countryside still uses old facilities to support childrens' education at the same time.
   in additon, the big city gives more opportunities to children to learn the fast developing world. the children in city can see a more wonderful world which will do good effects on childrens' learning. for example, having more touchining(touching) with modern transportion items in daily life , the children from city may know the bus,planes,boats and their working model than the children in countryside.
M1 ~* z
   so, all in all ,i(I) hold my opinion that children grow in city is much better than in countryside,because of the wonderful conditions that the city can offer to bulid an excellent enviorment for children.

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想秋刀鱼的猫
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板凳

发表于 2009-4-30 21:03:00 |只看该作者

1# wangxinfei

to keep children in a(an) excellent growing condition(d) may be the key point of childrens' early education. so in modern times, we face a new problem that how to make best choice for our childrens' growth, one of them is which will offer a better enviorment for our kids,country or big city? taking account of the advantages tha(t) the big city can bring, i will use my power to choose a big city to let my children grow in basing on follow reasons.(开头很简洁明了,我要学习..我沉迷于长句了...)

" g. p( [' ~" Y# Z
firstly,a big city can offer the higher education quality than countryside.as we know, a city gathers much more excellent teachers than countryside, and also schools posses much more modern facilities when countryside still use old facilities to support childrens' education at the same time.(Detail还需要加强,觉得有点空泛...)

in additon, the big city gives more opportunities to children to learn the fast developing world. the children (加个live) in city can see(用expenrience吧) a more wonderful world which will do good effects on childrens' learning. for example, having more touchining with modern transportion items in daily life , the children from city may know the bus,planes,boats and their working model than the children in countryside.(感觉这段的事例有点弱,用交通工具来认识developing world好象也太鄙视农村了吧,用computer之类有点科技含量滴吧^_^)

so, all in all ,i hold my opinion that children grow in city is much better than in countryside,because of the wonderful conditions that the city can offer to (这句把句子成分抽出来不完整,这个to貌似不大对啊...)bulid a excellent enviorment for children.

段落结构很分明~
不过用词有点简单啦
请多指教^_^

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