[i习作temp] 0910G[Nirvana小组] Issue13 by ecosoft2009 [复制链接]

ecosoft2009
UID: 2608344

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 1
寄托币: 164
注册时间: 2009-2-28
精华: 0
帖子: 3

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-6-8 15:10:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

回应
0

使用道具举报

xiaoxiaoW
UID: 2611108

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 1
寄托币: 256
注册时间: 2009-3-4
精华: 0
帖子: 0

沙发

发表于 2009-6-8 18:55:49 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 xiaoxiaoW 于 2009-6-9 20:41 编辑

1# ecosoft2009
毒舌来啦
Issue 13
Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer andfewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which theselanguages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becomingextinct.

Thespeaker asserts that the governments of countries in which lesser-knownlanguages are being lost should take actions to prevent theseindigenous languages from becoming extinct. These indigenous这里的限定不够，lesser-know languages不等于
indigenouslanguages 限定不够准确需加限制后同 languagescannot be forgotted语法错误 or abondened easily, since they are part and parcel没见过这种用法，part部分parcel小包包裹，不重复吗？of the native cultures. However, it is the去掉 people that createindigenous languages in the long history, so they should be responsiblefor the language's fate rather than the government.这句话逻辑性不强，不成立，就好像物品是人类制作的，但不能够保证最后不被丢进垃圾桶。就算语言不等于物品，作者也没有加以类比。将语言消失的真正原因说出。

Onthe one hand,这段还是在讲应该保护语言没有对比过度句用的不当 every people all用法错误，不要用翻译腔 has a spiritual foundation - their ownculture which bring 缺少介词，另不要把中文生硬地翻译them sense加介词活或用复数 of dignity, pride and self-worth. Asfish cannot be sepreated from water, the native culture will be dulland dying 语法错误都是被will修饰的without the去掉 pepole's understanding and affection, so one ofthe people's missions is to appreciate, develop and pass on its改成their ownculture. The native culture features in varies ways- by its uniquetraditions, rituals, mores, attitudes and beliefs, but especiallylanguage.这句逻辑不强，没有说服性。 Without the language's participation所有格错误, the people will find itdifficult to complete their mission, since much culture essence isexpressed by the language用法不对。另外，the的用法不明确. Therefore, when the indigenous限定不准确，本地域的语言不等于濒临灭绝的语言 language isextinct, the people will feel vacancy in their mind.这段的论证没有很好的展开且自然段划分的不是很到位似乎没有必要再画一段，这就是第一段的另一种复述

InChina, many excellent traditional operas, in the base of the indigenouslanguages不用复数, are performed frequently in daily life and cherished by lotsof people. Once the indigenous language is extinct, these opera fanswill be upset and sorrowful. In addition, many Africa American clingtenaciously to their mother tone in order to memory词性 the past and thehistory and they will be excited to speak with others abroad in theirindigenous accent.事实性不强，概论据过于依赖作者的主观意见

Also,there are some specific ideas which can only conveyed被动态用的不对 by the certainlanguages. If we fail to perserve these languages, we will lose someperfect culture sedimentation accumulated by the people in the longhistory development. It is a huge loss for we human, for these culturesedimentation are hard-won achievement抱歉没看懂 and we have no chance toapprenhend and appriciate these culture essences.

Onthe other hand又是一个, the language barriers不恰当 hamper the communication betweenpeople who are from different geographic region加s and impede, in turn,the international commerce and trade in the global society. Thisbarriers will bring us with misunderstanding, prejudice, discord andeven war between different ethnicities such as the long-time conflictbetween the Arab and jews这确实是由于语言引起的吗？例子不是很恰当, which has led to the death of hundreds ofthousands of innocent people. It is people's need of communication,rather than the government, that give birth to the language, so it isup要用书面语 to the people who can speak this language whether this language willbe extinct or not. The government should pay more attention to solvethe social problems of hunger, homelessness, disease and the ignorenceinstead of the extinct of language.这句是结论但是你前面所说的例子得不出这条结论也许政府能起到的作用比人还大呢？没有说明为什么人的作用是最大的

Insum, preserving the indigenous language is a crucial way to heritageand promote the excellent native culture. People who speak thislanguage will take varieties of actions to preserve it spontaneouslywithout the government's call and requirment. The government, however,should devote its resource and time elsewhere, and leave it to thepeople themselves.
好吧本文有个最大最大的问题读题不认真题目的限定是The governments of countries in which these lesser-known languages are spoken
而本文讨论的主要是indigenous languages 这是两个根本性的不同果然，跑题了……

虽然我的嘴比较毒，单提出的意见都是中肯的，希望你能多注意the 的用法然后下次在贴上来再编辑一下把黏在一起的单词分开这样看起来真的很累。希望我们能一起进步

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

使用道具举报

.C.C.
UID: 2645494

寄托新兵

Rank: 2

声望: 29
寄托币: 404
注册时间: 2009-5-27
精华: 0
帖子: 0

板凳

发表于 2009-6-18 14:24:50 |只看该作者

Issue 13
Many of the world's lesser-known languages are being lost as fewer and fewer people speak them. The governments of countries in which these languages are spoken should act to prevent such languages from becoming extinct.

The speaker asserts that the governments of countries in which lesser-known languages are being lost should take actions to prevent these indigenous languages from becoming extinct. These indigenous languages cannot be forgotted or abondened easily, since they are part and parcel of the native cultures. However, it is the people that create indigenous(本土，额，问题是讨论的是小语种，我觉得别在第一段一直强调本地吧？而且这个词貌似还不如local好，因为貌似他有土产的那种意思~) languages in the long history, so they should be responsible for the language's fate rather than the government. （问题是第一段要讨论政府要不要采取措施啊，为什么要讨论people？）第一段觉得有点小错，改下啦……

On the one hand（on one hand）, every people all(怪怪的，all去掉吧，every够用了) has a spiritual foundation - their own culture which bring them sense of dignity, pride and self-worth. As fish cannot be sepreated from water, the native culture will be dull and dying without the pepole's understanding and affection, so one of the people's missions is to appreciate, develop and pass on its own culture. （鱼那个很好啊，但是我觉得前面应该再多点论述为什么当地的语言很重要）The native culture features in varies ways- by its unique traditions, rituals, mores, attitudes and beliefs, but especially language. Without the language's participation, the people will find it difficult to complete their mission, since much culture essence is expressed by the language. （这边三个the 貌似都可以不要）Therefore, when the indigenous language is extinct, the people will feel vacancy in their mind. 我觉得可以通过例子来让整个论证更深入，有意思

In China, many excellent traditional operas, in the base of the indigenous languages, are performed frequently in daily life and cherished（用个有欣赏意思的词更好） by lots of people. Once the indigenous language is extinct, these opera fans will be upset and sorrowful. （我觉得你这个例子势必要加为什么这些语言很重要，比如韵脚什么的，不然考官会觉得为什么一定要当地语言呢，用英语表演不是更能被广泛接受么？）In addition, many Africa American cling tenaciously to their mother tone in order to memory the past and the history and they will be excited to speak with others abroad in their indigenous accent. 这段可以挪上去吧，论证语言的重要

Also, there are some specific ideas which can only conveyed by the certain languages. If we fail to perserve these languages, we will lose some perfect culture sedimentation accumulated by the people in the long history development. It is a huge loss for we human, for these culture sedimentation are hard-won achievement and we have no chance to apprenhend and appriciate these culture essences.有点跟上面重复，我觉得这段你没有很好的论证，还不如就不要，而且你放太多精力在论证语言的重要性了。

On the other hand, the language barriers hamper the communication between people who are from different geographic region and impede, in turn, the international commerce and trade in the global society. This barriers（this单，barriers复，貌似平时单复数很不注意啊） will bring us with（to） misunderstanding, prejudice, discord and even war between different ethnicities such as the long-time conflict between the Arab and jews, which has led to the death of hundreds of thousands of innocent people. It is people's need of communication, rather than the government, that give birth to the language, so it is up to the people who can speak this language whether this language will be extinct or not. The government should pay more attention to solve the social problems of hunger, homelessness, disease and the ignorence instead of the extinct of language.这段呢，我觉得你需要论证到底government要不要保护，而不是说people，而且在我看来，归根结底，如果people要保护这些语言，那也是需要政府扶持的，不然不能做到。

In sum, preserving the indigenous language is a crucial way to heritage and promote the excellent native culture. People who speak this language will take varieties of actions to preserve it spontaneously without the government's call and requirment. The government, however, should devote its resource and time elsewhere, and leave it to the people themselves.

我觉得你全篇有点没有关注对整篇的中心，我觉得这篇文章要关注两个地方
1.小语种到底要不要保护，但是你整篇没提到小语种，而是一直在说被广泛用的语言
2.政府要不要保护，你用了很多笔墨写人们要保护小语种，那么到底政府要不要呢？没有论证………………

不好意思，改的有点缓慢了，最近事情太多了额……语法我没改，我看xiaoxiaow貌似改很认真的样子，呵呵

使用道具举报