[i习作temp] 0910AW 同主题写作ISSUE144 by mandy61217 [复制链接]

mandy61217
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-6-12 23:40:12 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue 144
Doesthe society benefit something of lasting value from the artist rather than thecritic? The speaker contends so. Well, I admit that the artist contribute a lotto those lasting value. However, it seems to oversimplify to negate theessential function of the critic who also devote themselves entirely to workwith art and play an important role in the process of generating those lastingvalue from art.

Art, suchas novels, films, music, paintings, as it comes from history and will becomehistory, is always considered to be priceless treasure, including its lastingvalue for the society. It can bring awareness to people once it has been passed to.Art also connects people in a society by presenting an idea that everyone canrelate to in a universal way once a piece has been appreciated. What’s more, theawareness that comes from art will only lead to a better and better society ifthe people take action based on the ideas they discover in art. In short, art,which is created by the artist, is not born with lasting value for the society naturally.Nevertheless, with the help of evaluation from the critic, it would be widely spread,well apprehended and value added.

First, a art must reachthe public; otherwise, it would give society nothing of lasting value, thoughit might has value to the artist himself while he enjoy the moment of creation.But, not all the great pieces would attract public and be shown in front of themwidely and quickly. People then gradually get to know the pieces by readingevaluation from the critic either positive or negative. The critic give thosefar-reached pieces a leg up while they evaluate them, especially for thosepieces of art coming from unknown artist with gift. On this section, the criticplay as a “talent scout” although they usually don’t claim that. Fromthis point of view, in contrast, those who think the critic endow nothing aboutthe lasting value from art must also turn a blind eye to whomever else that isunknown and unsung in every walk of life but significant for our society.

Then people must appreciate the value of the art. Art, whichcan be described as the expression of one’s inner realm is never easily for the public to reachits deepest point even in front of them. Then a logical question would be isthere any special group works for it? That’s exactly the critic. First, as weall accept, not every was born to be a connoisseur of art; similarly in the fieldof science, fewmen endowed with a brain like Einstein’s. Moreover,due to the abstruse nature of most art, there would be with much difficulty tobe well understood and appreciated without any background or guiding. So, the secondcritical role that the critic plays emergesobviously; it is to make art well apprehended and appreciated by the public.Also, it makes the art value added, with the thought of the critic and maybeeven further, the universal view from the public.

不就2个月嘛...

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wildrose800331
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发表于 2009-6-13 22:52:09 |只看该作者

Does the society benefit something of lasting value from the artist rather than thecritic? The speaker contends so. Well, I admit that the artist contribute a lot to those lasting value. However, it seems to oversimplify ( oversimple) to negate the essential function of the critic who also devote themselves(单数） entirely to working（to为介词） with art and playing an important role in the process of generating those lasting value from art. （渐进的开头蛮好的，观点明确）

Art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, as it comes from history and will become history, is always considered to be priceless treasure, including its lasting value for the society（觉得这里可以改成句子，否则有点凌乱）. It can bring awareness to people once it has been passed to. （觉得需要阐述开什么awareness)Art also connects people in a society by presenting an idea that everyone canrelate to in a universal way once a piece has been appreciated.偶会改为Art can connect people in a universal way through the process of common appreciation, respective retrospection and shared empathy. What’s more, theawareness that comes from art will only lead to a better and better(建议不用，可改为advancing 或者upgrading） society ifthe people take action based on the ideas they discover in art.这一句可以放在上面提到的awareness后面，衔接紧密。 In short, art,which is created by the artist, is not born with lasting value for the society naturally.Nevertheless, with the help of evaluation from the critic, it would be widely spread,well apprehended and value added这句总结看不出和上面提到的art， lasting value的联系，前后感觉在说两个东西.

First, a art must reachthe public; otherwise, it would give society nothing of lasting value, thoughit might has value to the artist himself while he enjoy the moment of creation.But, not all the great pieces would attract public and be shown in front of themwidely and quickly. People then gradually get to know the pieces by readingevaluation from the critic either positive or negative. The critic give those far-reached pieces a leg up while they evaluate them, especially for thosepieces of art coming from unknown artist with gift. On（ In） this section, the criticplay as a “talent scout” although they usually don’t claim that. Fromthis point of view, in contrast（在和什么对比）, those who think the critic endow nothing aboutthe lasting value from art must also turn a blind eye to whomever else that isunknown and unsung in every walk of life but significant for our society. （观点很好，就是感觉句式一直平平的，看不出重点，是否可以句子内部调整下顺序？）

Then people must appreciate the value of the art. Art, whichcan be described as the expression of one’s inner realm is never easily for the public to reachits deepest point even in front of them. Then a logical question would be istherewhether there is any special group works for it? That’s exactly the critic. First, as weall accept, not every was born to be a connoisseur of art; similarly in the fieldof science, fewmen endowed with a brain like Einstein’s（可以举个艺术方面的人么？）. Moreover,due to the abstruse nature of most art, there would be with much difficulty tobe well understood and appreciated without any background or guiding. So, the secondcritical role that the critic plays（ of the critic) 觉得定语从句太多。。。 emerges obviously; it is to make art well apprehended and appreciated by the public.Also, it makes the art value added(adds value to the art )with the thought of the critic and maybeeven further, the universal view from the public.

Thelast step involves people changing their concept and behavior to improve thesociety. As Picasso said “the best art is art that heals”, the final section ofthe “process” is to “heal” people heart and mind and ameliorate their ownbehaviors based on the ideaistic influence from the spirit of art, while这里为什么用while呢？peoplelive in such imperfect society. But, how the critic function during thissection? Simply put, since the critic has been去掉 embed their thoughts into thosepieces of art they work with all along their lives with deeply understanding前面有thought这里可以去掉否则句子好长啊一口气看不下来,they always play as the bellwethers to improve themselves first adjust and keepupdating their concept then their behavior（改成from adjustment to updating of both concept and behaviors)

In a word, the artist create art and the critic dredge the channel to make it to become something of lasting value for the society. (最后一段与其干瘪的一句不如不要；它没起到画龙点睛的总结作用）

别打我：）整篇用词非常美，词汇量超大，举例也妥当。就是语言觉得软，说服人力度不够（我是老师出身，可能挑剔了）。还有哦这里就考虑了一个方面lasting value 三层递进也不怎么明显不知道楼主有否看过斑竹的指导我觉得您要是回头看看再改动改动就很好了

宁愿相信世间的真善这样才美

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