[i习作temp] 我的ISSUE习作楼，每天一篇，欢迎斧正 [复制链接]

HeronAlps
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2011-11-13 00:29:57 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

我语言能力一般，希望通过每天的练习得到提高。

主要是为了让自己能每天坚持，所以建一个楼，每天写一篇，希望自己越来越有进步。

欢迎版上的同志们斧正，跟帖。

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HeronAlps
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沙发

发表于 2011-11-13 00:31:08 |只看该作者

Sat. Nov. 12th 2011
1 As people rely more and more on technology to solve problems, the ability of humans to think for themselves will surely deteriorate.

In the statement, the arguer asserts that the ability of thinking of humans will surely deteriorate, for the advance of technology makes people more and more rely on it rather than on themselves. To some level, I deeply agree the arguer’s statement. However, if we put it in general speaking and worldwide circumstance, this viewpoint may not interpret every respect in our modern livings.

It has been a long-term concern that the artificial intelligence will replace the dominancy of human’s brain, which had been repeatedly described in the scientific fictions such as ‘I, Robot’. It is still suspense whether the scenario of the fiction comes true in our daily lives. What we can confirm is that many people’s capabilities of computing and reasoning indeed are impaired because the wide use of computing facilities. Many students are losing their arithmetic ability which is the pride of their fathers. As the educator of the next generation, the teacher must encourage the students to compute, search, reason, write without calculators, Internet and computers.

Besides the situation I mentioned above, the modern technology, however, does improve some kind of our ability in some certain aspects. The original intention of computing facilities is to free the human labors from monotonous and repeated calculating works. If it does so, as in the modern society, the humans can concentrate on the algorithm which must be designed delicately before any computing by computers. In the consequence, we invent more and more effective algorithms that highly improve the efficiency of production.

Finally, the technology of telecommunications historically changes the mode of exchange information among individuals. The citizens can take access to much more information that they demand than any period in the history. In that case, humans need to process and memorize more information than ever before. How can we lose our ability of thinking by such activities? Armed with such device and ability, the new generation can handle much more complicated concepts and programs than their forebears. For instance, humans definitely cannot conduct astronautic exploration without mainframe’s contribution at computing data. Such case can be observed in almost any field of today’s scientific research.

In conclusion, it is the human nature to rely on the modern technology instead of thinking themselves, not the fault of technology itself. The well-advanced technology should be blamed for the deterioration of people’s abilities. We need to think independently while develop the technology which could enforce the human’s core competence to concur much more complicated problems.

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HeronAlps
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板凳

发表于 2011-11-14 01:03:40 |只看该作者

2 To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities.

To author’s certain knowledge, when anthropologists intend to research the characteristic pattern of a society, they tend to study its major cities as the most important object of research. Admittedly, the major cities of a country are the representatives of the certain characteristics of it. If we would like to grasp a panoramic view of a nation, however, the marginal cities as well as the spreading countryside must be taken as the significant objects as major metropolis in this country.

Above all, the major cities, such as capital city, are usually most developed and opened ones in the whole country. As a result, the elites of the society, who represent the trend and ethics of the country, will gather in these cities. The researcher can clearly understand the figures of the society through their activities and creations. The civil movement of U.S. in the 1960s was generally raised in main cities like Chicago, DC, San Francisco and New York. There is no doubt that the characteristics of a community will be distorted if we overlook the importance of major cities in the country.

However, if we take the case into an extreme situation that the researchers only examine the features of major cities, they will definitely not obtain a comprehensive and objective view of a certain culture. After all, the major cities in a nation have to be the minority of a society and much more populace live in the more or less remote regions. Considering China for a instance, no one could understand the real situation and living standards of Chinese people unless they pay a visit to the expansive countryside and get access to the farmers in China who take more than 70 percent of Chinese people. The major cities like Beijing and Shanghai only indicate relatively tiny part of the still-lack-of-stuff China.

Furthermore, major cities may be forged to be prosperous in order to attract tourists. As the matter of fact, the true feature of the nation had already been hidden in the lonely areas. Only by exploring the civil culture, can we understand the real pattern of the figures of one culture. For example, through folklore we can understand the origin of such race and ethics, but if you stay at major cities, just some regular and same scene, like anywhere else in every metropolis in the world, will be observed. The same skyscraper, identical structure and familiar automobiles on the street would make you at loss about the true characteristics of this society.

In conclusion, the features of major cities in a country must be taken into the consideration when the researchers deeply study the features of a nation. In addition, besides the rare metropolis in the nation, the second-level cities and villages also share their importance in a society and must be considered carefully as well. Only in this way, can we understand the most characteristics of such culture.

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windieicloudie
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地板

发表于 2011-11-15 21:43:46 |只看该作者

不得不说，你的这两盘文章读起来很顺畅，没有什么愈发错误我就不发上来了。
just建议哈
因为我的水平不怎样
你的文章所有句子有点千篇一律了，作为读者，读着读着有些乏味了。但是能感觉出来你的基础很好，完全可以在语言和例子上下下功夫。，
toefl的范文基本很少用真人真事儿做例子，基本是一个论证过程，自圆其说即可，
但是我觉得gre作文讲究一个insight，需要洞悉到事情或者观点的深层，当然，你只要有合适的例子，简单叙述一下就可以为的文章增色不少。

其次就是，文章的topic sentence不是很出彩或者说很突出，一段下来因为没有语法错误却感觉姿色平平。可能还是语言上问题吧

只是我的一点小看法，有问题可以共同探讨。基础这么好，看好你的~

求各位大哥大姐的帮助~~~~

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