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[i习作temp] Issue31 我的第一篇 [复制链接]

dedje
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-7-3 14:58:48 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 dedje 于 2009-7-4 16:24 编辑

因为我报的是106g，所以跟大家有点不同步，希望还是有人愿意给我改作文，谢谢。
Issue 31"Money spent on research is almost always a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial."

1.总的来说赞成此观点，但是对于有争议的研究应保持不同的态度。
2. 主要论证赞成的部分：花在研究上的钱和花在其他方面的钱相比，确实是不错的投资，可以阐述研究给人类带来的好处，例子可以举：计算机给人类带来的好处，对于外星球的探测丰富了人类的生活。
3. 主要论证反对的部分：对于有争议的研究要从不同的角度考虑，首先要看这个争议群体，可以举日本的核武器，争议来自于其他国家，对于这样的受争议的研究当然不能投资。但有些争议则是出于一些狭隘的观念，所以政府应行使其作用。
4. 任何的研究都是有两面性的，既有好结果也有不好的结果，所以在投资之前应做好评估。
5. 总结。

I fundamentally agree with the speaker’s assertion that money spent on research is generally money well invested. However, by arguing that even when the results of that research are controversial, it seems to go to extreme. After all, some compelling reasons demonstrate that some researches can bring about inefficient results and bad influences. In addition, we should discriminate between different controversies. My points of contention with the speaker involve the meanings and effects of research, as discussed below.
I concede that money spent on research is more valuable than on some other things and is well invested. Undoubtedly, the results of research take us some dramatic benefits. For instance, the birth of computers made our work convenient, abated our burden and shortened our distances. The exploring to the outer space broadened our horizon and helped our human beings in many areas. The uncovering of DNA structure led to the development of modern biology and genetic engineering. The invention of vaccine saved millions of livings and pushed forward the medical field. Admittedly, those researches need economic support. So as long as research is meaningful, money spent on that research is good investment.
However, not every kind of research takes us positive facets, we should be cautious and prudent dealing with some controversial researches. Firstly, governments or investors should classify different kinds of controversies. For example, when Japan wanted to produce their atomic weapons, some countries gave their protests because those weapons will endanger our environments. In my view, money should not be invested in those researches whose results will harm our living conditions. Yet some controversies should not be considered, like immature objections and feudal minds. One example can illustrate this point. In ancient time, some people dared not to take photos because they thought that taking a photo would shorten their living one year. So they objected to produce cameras, they just thought that money could not be invested in camera researches. But in fact, their thoughts were narrowed and absurd, so their controversies didn’t deserve to be adopted. In sum, investors should not invest money in researches that will bring about harmful results.
As a matter of fact, every research is a two edged sword; everyone can’t assure that their research will bring in absolute good results. Some researches can take long-term benefits even though they seem useless. Physicists discovered quark which seemed to be meaningless several years ago, but now they are demonstrated to be important milestone for exploring micro-world. Besides, some important inventions came from accidents or coincidence in other researches. Anyway, research takes us surprises and happiness, but some times it takes us harm, so before governments invest money in research, they should evaluate this research comprehensively.
In conclusion, money spent on research is money well invested when that research can’t bring us irreparable results. Before governments or some investors spend money on research, they should evaluate this research and balance between advantage and disadvantage points.

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dedje
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沙发

发表于 2009-7-4 14:34:21 |只看该作者

什么个意思啊，是写的太烂了还是怎么的，给点意见啊。

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firhaday
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板凳

发表于 2009-7-4 14:55:47 |只看该作者

1.发帖的格式有点问题的
2.文章小毛病还是有一些的~大概扫了一下，在句子组织上，显得有些缺乏细致的考虑，举个例子：
I concede that money spent on research is more valuable than on some other things and is well invested. Undoubtedly, the results of research take us some dramatic benefits. For instance, the birth of computers made our work convenient, abated our burden and shortened our distances.
这里
some other things指的是什么，怎么能说well invested呢，birth of computer还是invention of ，还有电脑使我们工作更方便了，我还勉强可以理解，减负和缩短距离，这个从何谈起啊？不太明白~

我就感觉，文章的思路可能问题不大，在细节之处希望有更多的字字斟酌~

BTW，关于改文章，不是你发上来，别人就要来修改你的文章的，需要你来互改的，和别人互相交流中学习！

加油~共勉之~

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dedje
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地板

发表于 2009-7-4 15:49:33 |只看该作者

谢谢指教我会好好改的，互改就直接去别人帖子里改就可以了吧。

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firhaday
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5楼

发表于 2009-7-4 15:50:42 |只看该作者

恩恩，对的，在别人帖子里面改，然后留下自己的帖子的连接，要求说要互改下，互相交流下~

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ncnys
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6楼

发表于 2009-7-7 13:59:44 |只看该作者

1# dedje

"Money spent on research is almost always a good investment, even when the results of that research are controversial."

关键词: money, research,论题围绕他俩的关系展开.
         good investment, money花的值,research的什么好处或作用使其成为money一个好的投资对象?
         always, 只要把money花在research上,就是值.有反例吗?
      results,范围是什么?研究本身的成败?社会效应?为什么结果有争议仍然是好投资?

1.总的来说赞成此观点，但是对于有争议的研究应保持不同的态度。是研究本身又争议还是结果有争议?
2. 主要论证赞成的部分：花在研究上的钱和花在其他方面的钱相比，确实是不错的投资，可以阐述研究给人类带来的好处，例子可以举：计算机给人类带来的好处，对于外星球的探测丰富了人类的生活。
3. 主要论证反对的部分：对于有争议的研究要从不同的角度考虑，首先要看这个争议群体，可以举日本的核武器，争议来自于其他国家，对于这样的受争议的研究当然不能投资。这部分主要驳斥always但有些争议则是出于一些狭隘的观念，所以政府应行使其作用。这部分似乎是赞同论题,即使结果有争议也是值得的投资,如果是,似乎跟前一部分分开,放到第2,3段之间,或跟2段结合更好些
4. 任何的研究都是有两面性的，既有好结果也有不好的结果，所以在投资之前应做好评估。
5.  总结。

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dedje
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7楼

发表于 2009-7-8 10:03:44 |只看该作者

谢谢楼上的建议，
你的蓝色部分是你的分析吗？
另外我的第三段并不是支持观点，我是分情况讨论。

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chenheng0528
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8楼

发表于 2009-7-26 09:54:36 |只看该作者

还以为这篇没人改过，就很激动的冲过来了。那我就只讨论一下楼主的提纲吧：
1、可否更明确的说：对所有投资都应考虑其结果，根据其可能的结果而给出不同的态度。
2、对于预计有明确好的结果的投资应加大投入。可以对比政府花在研究上的钱同花在比如说贸易补贴上的钱，研究确实是不错的投资。例子还可以加上生物制药的研究。
3、对于无法预计结果，即有争议的投资则区别对待。一方面对如外太空探索这种投资磊，短期之内没有收益的，我们也应支持。因为很多新的科技产品来自于其研究的过程，如卫星通信、计算机。卫星通信形成了现在的全球定位系统，1983年第一台laptop是为了当时的航天任务设计的。更不用说他使我们更好的认识宇宙。另一方面，对有争议的，如克隆技术，则应有选择的投资。无法把握其可能造成的结果时，应不其进行投资。最后，也是大家都可以看到的有负面结果的投资，如日本的核武器，那就应全世界联合起来，共同反对。
4、这段就可以下结论，而不必再多出一段了。

另外，感觉楼主的语言方面还有一些问题，既然楼主时间还长，可以选择在练习写的同时，加大阅读和汉译英的练习。

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