[a习作temp] Argument101 [=galloper=组] BY B11宋求拍 [复制链接]

songluleicsu
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-7-17 19:44:44 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：Argument 101 The following appeared in a memo from the president of a company that makes breakfast cereals.

"In a recent study, subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week had significantly lower cholesterol levels than subjects who ate no soy products. By fortifying our Wheat-O cereal with soy protein, we can increase sales by appealing to additional consumers who are concerned about their health. This new version of Wheat-O should increase company profits and, at the same time, improve the health of our customers."

正文：
Based on the mere fact that subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week had significantly lower cholesterol levels than subjects who ate no soy products, the author concludes that they could increase sales of their Wheat-O cereal by fortifying it with soy protein, and therefore increase their profits. However, the argument fails to provide enough evidence to prove its conclusion and is dubious on several grounds.

To begin with, the reliability and generalizability of the study is open to question. Without providing more details about the two groups of people who participated in the study, the author could not convince me that there exists a causal relationship between eating soy products and lower cholesterol levels. If people who ate soybeans per week were all young people, while people in the another group were all senior people, then the lower cholesterol levels of the first group may due to that the cholesterol levels of young people is supposed to be lower than senior people, or young people love doing sports regularly, which could also help them keep lower cholesterol levels. Then the author can not attribute the lower cholesterol levels of the first group of people to their regular eating of soybeans.

Even assuming that the study is reliable, eating soybeans regularly could contribute to low levels of cholesterol, the author still fails to prove that they could increase sales of Wheat-O cereal by fortifying it with soybeans. The author assumes that by adding soy protein to Wheat-O, they could appeal to additional customers who are concerned with their health. However, he fails to provide any evidence to support this view of him. It is possible that people who concern about their health will eat soybeans directly rather than choose Wheat-O as their breakfast. Besides, the author fails to mention whether the tastes of Wheat-O will change or not when they add soy protein to it. If the taste has changed, and the former costumers of Wheat-O may not buy it any more, then the sales of fortified Wheat-O will not increase but decrease instead.

Furthermore, even if the company could increase the sales of Wheat-O by fortifying it with soy protein, the author still fails to prove that they therefore could increase their profits. If the cost of soy protein is very high and company could not increase the price of Wheat-O in order to keep the market share. Then unit profit of per sale of Wheat-O will decrease, so the total profit may decrease even with increased sales.

In conclusion, to strengthen the argument the author should provide more details about the validity of the study, provide better evidence that the sales of fortified Wheat-O will increase and the profit would indeed increase since the increased sales.

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GrossDeutsch
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沙发

发表于 2009-7-24 20:58:57 |只看该作者

Based on the mere fact that subjects who ate soybeans at least five times per week had significantly lower cholesterol levels than subjects who ate no soy products, the author concludes that they could increase sales of their Wheat-O cereal by fortifying it with soy protein, and therefore increase their profits. However, the argument fails to provide enough evidences to prove its conclusion and is dubious on several grounds.

To begin with, the reliability and generalizability of the study is open(这个open不看后文还真的不能很好的理解，建议还是用更明确一些的词) to question. Without providing more details about the two groups of people who participated in the study, the author could not convince me that there exists a causal relationship between eating soy products and lower cholesterol levels. If people who ate soybeans per week were all young people, while people in the another group were all senior people, then the lower cholesterol levels of the first group may due to that the cholesterol levels of young people is supposed to be lower than senior people, or young people love doing sports regularly, which could also help them keep lower cholesterol levels. Then the author can not attribute the lower cholesterol levels of the first group of people to their regular eating of soybeans.

Even assuming that the study is reliable, eating soybeans regularly could contribute to low levels of cholesterol, the author still fails to prove that they could increase sales of Wheat-O cereal by fortifying it with soybeans. The author assumes that by adding soy protein to Wheat-O, they could appeal to additional customers who are concerned with their health. However, he fails to provide any evidence to support this view of him. It is possible that people who concern about their health will eat soybeans directly rather than choose Wheat-O as their breakfast. Besides, the author fails to mention whether the tastes of Wheat-O will change or not when they add soy protein to it. If the taste has changed（此处不必用过完成使吧..一般过去式即可）, and the former costumers of Wheat-O may not buy it any more, then the sales of fortified Wheat-O will not increase but decrease instead. 还有这一段感觉实用fail这个单词的重复几率有点高...可以考虑用ignore，neglect这类的词来代替下

Furthermore, even if the company could increase the sales of Wheat-O by fortifying it with soy protein, the author still fails to prove that they therefore could increase their profits. If the cost of soy protein is very high and company could not increase the price of Wheat-O in order to keep the market share. Then unit profit of per sale of Wheat-O will decrease, so the total profit may decrease even with increased sales.

In conclusion, to strengthen the argument the author should provide more details about the validity of the study, provide better evidence that the sales of fortified Wheat-O will increase and the profit would indeed increase since the increased sales.

看了LZ的两篇的ARGU，感觉LZ已经基本形成了自己的风格，这点很好
论证过程可以说是环环相扣
但是感觉还是忽略了几个点，比如soybean和soy product的差别
也可以不必详细论证，如果可以涉及到的话可能会更好些

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