0910AW 同主题写作第八期 ISSUE221 by lsmyer [复制链接]

lsmyer
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发表于 2009-7-29 10:51:39 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ISSUE221 - "The chief benefitof the study of history is to break down the illusion that people in one periodof time are significantly different from people who lived at any other time inhistory." by lsmyer

WORDS: 535
TIME: 01:00:00
DATE: 2009/7/20 23:40:03

History is about the past experiences ofhuman being. Through the study of history, we can acquire a betterunderstanding the past, as well as now and the future. I concede that since thehuman nature has hardly ever changed, people of different era are actually verysimilar. However, the meaning of history research is far beyond this.

History puts human experience in contexts,and allows us to understand ourselves as a people and a culture. By studyinghistory deep and thorough, we would finally find that the nature of humanbeings remain amazingly unchanged as time passed by. As human beings, we haveboth the nature of an angel and demon.

On one hand, brilliant virtues such asintegrity, honest, courage, love and tolerance seem to be endowed for us bynature. Because of such qualities, people never stop our pursuit of freedom andpeace, our curiosity of the nature, and our appreciation of beauty. From JohnArc to founders of nations, represented by hero like Washington, their couragealways proves their love towards both the nation and the people. From AbrahamLincoln to Martin Luther King, our dream of a society of freedom and equalitynever stopped. From Copernicus to Albert Einstein, our eager of knowledge andtruth never stopped. The angel side of human beings has never dimmed, no matterwhich era we belong to.

On the other hand, however, we can neverget rid of the evil side of our soul. Sins like greed and laziness has alwaysbeen part of our nature. Therefore, too often did one tribe fight with another.Crime has never ceased out in any society. From the Crusade to the two majorwars in the 20th century, we never stopped showing cruelty on our fellowmen.From religion persecutions of the Middle Age to racial discrimination in earlierlast century, our prejudice and cruelty often excel our love and tolerance. Inthese aspects, we are just upset to see that the demon has always been in ourhearts, no matter which period we are in.

However, to find that people of differenttime are almost the same is not our main purpose of studying history. Historyis important because it helps understand both the past and the present better,and it gives us a frame of reference to consider the possible future ahead ofus. Just as a philosopher once said:” If you want to know where we are going,ask where we have been.”
The study ofhistory helps us understand past triumphs and tragedies, and gives us the toolsto try and succeed where others have failed.

Therefore, though it's difficult to changeour nature, we always try to learn something from history. Little by little, webegin to understand the significance of cooperation. Therefore, to some extent,the United Nation is a result of World War II, which is very important since itprovides a platform to solve disputes by negotiation. Also, globalizationsucceeded brings us together peacefully in a way never existed. Though thereare still latent concerns about problems from environment pollution to nuclearwars, generally we are stepping forward.

To sum up, our human nature decided thatpeople of different periods just have much in common. However, through thestudy of history, we can learn from our past experience and make progress bitby bit.

++++++++
这篇纠结了很久才出来，也严重超出时限。最重要的是感觉有偏题的嫌疑。欢迎大家从结构上猛拍，感谢！

ISSUE221

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blade134
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发表于 2009-7-29 12:57:29 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 blade134 于 2009-7-29 13:11 编辑

1# lsmyer

History is about the past experiences of human being. Through the study of history, we can acquire a better understanding the past, as well as now and the future. I concede that since the human nature has hardly ever changed, people of different era are actually very similar. However, the meaning of history research is far beyond this.

History puts human experience in contexts, and allows us to understand ourselves as a people and a culture. By studying history deep and thorough, we would finally find that the nature of human beings remain amazingly unchanged as time passed by. As human beings, we have both the nature of an angel and demon (换成sympathy and evil 可能会好一些，莫非楼主也是diablo爱好者?).

On one hand, brilliant virtues such as integrity, honest, courage, love and tolerance seem to be endowed for us by nature. Because of such qualities, people never stop our (和people在一起读着不顺，建议换the) pursuit of freedom and peace, our curiosity of the nature, and our appreciation of beauty. From John Arc to founders of nations, represented by hero like Washington, their courage always proves their love towards both the nation and the people. From Abraham Lincoln to Martin Luther King, our dream of a society of freedom and equality never stopped. From Copernicus to Albert Einstein, our eager of knowledge and truth never stopped. The angel side of human beings has never dimmed, no matter which era we belong to.
三个排比说明了人性中三个共同面courage，dream，eager of knowledge，效果很好，但最后用一句angel side概括感觉笼统了点，把本来清楚的东西给模糊了，建议在这里点一下题目，就是那个illusion，一点就破

On the other hand, however, we can never get rid of the evil side of our soul. Sins like greed and laziness has always been part of our nature. Therefore, too often did one tribe fight with another. (倒装很赞，我很少用出来) Crime has never ceased out in any society. From the Crusade to the two major wars (世界大战一般都叫world war的吧) in the 20th century, we never stopped showing cruelty on our fellowmen. From religion persecutions of the Middle Age to racial discrimination in earlier last century, our prejudice and cruelty often excel our love and tolerance. In these aspects, we are just upset to see that the demon has always been in our (some people's) hearts, no matter which period we (they) are in.

However, to find that people of different time are almost the same is not our main purpose of studying history. History is important because it helps understand both the past and the present better, and it gives us a frame of reference to consider the possible future ahead of us. Just as a philosopher once said:” If you want to know where we are going, ask where we have been.”
The study of history helps us understand past triumphs and tragedies, and gives us the tools to try and succeed where others have failed.

Therefore, though it's difficult to change our nature, we always try to learn something from history. Little by little, we begin to understand the significance of cooperation. Therefore, to some extent, the United Nation is a result of World War II, which is very important since it provides a platform to solve disputes by negotiation. Also, globalization has succeeded joined us together peacefully in a way never existed. (这个例子没有清楚的说明和globalization 和study of history之间的联系) Though there’re still latent concerns about problems from environment pollution to nuclear wars, generally we are stepping forward.
第一段的中心句里说的是“far beyond this”，感觉这一段虽然意思说清楚了，但力度还不够，更深入的分析，多举几个更有说服力的例子，语气上也像前两段那样排比就好了。

To sum up, our human nature decided that people of different periods just have much in common. However, through the study of history, we can learn from our past experience and make progress bit by bit.
结尾论证点明了中心，但力度不够，建议对human nature和study of history做些深入分析（从反面或者其它角度），不要停在make progress bit by bit.

蓝色——认为楼主写的好的地方
橙色or红色——怀疑or认为楼主有问题的地方

总结：
1 原文不要从word直接粘贴，会有很多单词合并到一起，可以拷贝到记事本里再贴或者粘贴到“源码”里再改；
2 文笔流畅，用了不少高级词句，二三段的from读起来很有气势，我要向楼主多学习；
3 行文思路方面，作者开始举了一些人性的共同点来反驳题目中的significantly different，然后跳转到了“the meaning of history research is far beyond this”。从“Therefore, though it's difficult”给人感觉在说另一个话题，和前两段nature of angel and demon结合的就不够紧。开始我也是按照类似楼主的思路走的，后来在版友的建议下改变了一下思路：

1)       举出不同历史时期人们的相同点或不同点
2)       结合历史研究，分析其中原因
3)       通过研究，我们得到什么启示

这样study history是否break down了illusion，是不是就说的比较清楚。

我对issue有一个看法，就是issue给的题目范围太广，能写的东西很多，例如study of history的benefit实在是很多，不同时代人之间的different更多（光对different的理解就有很多种，是吧？），在五六百字的篇幅里根本不可能全面论述，因此最好挑选和题目相关的部分充分论述。

BTW，急着吃午饭，改的比较仓促，有什么不足欢迎楼主指出哦^_^ 我的同主题在
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-989781-1-1.html
欢迎楼主来指教