[a习作temp] ARGUMENT169 =August Rush=小组 by KevinSpacey [复制链接]

KevinSpacey
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发表于 2009-8-9 15:07:59 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT169 - The following appeared in a letter from a department chairperson to the president of Pierce University.

"Some studies conducted by Bronston College, which is also located in a small town, reveal that both male and female professors are happier living in small towns when their spouses are also employed in the same geographic area. Therefore, in the interest of attracting the most gifted teachers and researchers to our faculty and improving the morale of our entire staff, we at Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member we hire. Although we cannot expect all offers to be accepted or to be viewed as an ideal job offer, the money invested in this effort will clearly be well spent because, if their spouses have a chance of employment, new professors will be more likely to accept our offers."

Hard work counts.

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KevinSpacey
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沙发

发表于 2009-8-9 15:08:40 |只看该作者

WORDS: 490 TIME: 01:08:41 DATE: 2009/8/9 15:01:54

The notion that new professors will be more likely to accept the offers if their have a chance of employment seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. After all, professors will feel comfortable if their spouses are employed in the same geographic area. However, the conclusion that Pierce University should offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member may mask other causes of the choices of professors and may be not feasible.

First of all, the chairperson fails to consider the differences between Bronston College and Pierce University. Thus, the conclusion made based on Bronston College's situation may not be effective at Pierce University. It is mentioned in the argument that the PU and BC are all located in a small town, but it is at least likely that the transportation of the town where BC locates is much poorer than that of PU. Maybe there is no motorway or railway pass through BC, which makes it inconvenient for people to go to work outside of the town. Thus, professors at BC are more likely to wish their spouses work at the same town. Whereas this situation may does not exist at the town of PU where people will not feel discomfortable to go to work outside of the town.

Even assuming that the thoughts of professors at PU are same as those of professors at BC, the chairperson cannot prove that it is the only consideration that "which institution will offer my spouse a job?" when the professors choose their research institutions. For most of professors especially the most gifted ones, the research circumstance is what they most care about. For example, how much money the institution will fund for the research? Are the experimental apparatus up-to-date and enough? What about the academic level of the institution? Only satisfied with these facets, the professors would consider of job offer for their spouse.

The feasibility of the recommendation is not disclosed in the argument. The chairperson fails to provide such evidence that can guarantee the Pierce University is able to offer enough job positions for all the new professors' spouses. If so, it will still be an overburden for the school. And what is worse, the university possibly has to reduce the research fund to fill up it. Furthermore, the job types the university can offer are also deficient to meet all the spouses' favor.

The side-effect of this recommendation is also need to be considered by the chairperson. If the university providers jobs for all the new faculty members, the old faculty may feel unfair. Thus, it will not improve the morale of entire staff, instead, even decrease the morale.

In sum, the recommendation would be more convincing if the chairperson considers the differences between these two schools and other facts that will influence the professors' choices. Before any final measures are made, the chairperson should also evaluate the feasibility and side-effect of the measures.

Hard work counts.

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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wisle
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板凳

发表于 2009-8-9 16:52:30 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 wisle 于 2009-8-9 16:54 编辑

The notion that newprofessors will be more likely to accept the offers if their（spouses）havea chance of employment seems at first glance to be an obvious conclusion. Afterall, professors will feel comfortable if their spouses are employed in the samegeographic area.（首段不用加入自己的分析吧！）However, the conclusion that Pierce Universityshould offer employment to the spouse of each new faculty member may mask（不错！） other causes of the choices of professors andmay be not feasible.

First of all, the chairperson fails to consider thedifferences between Bronston College and PierceUniversity.（很好错误类别排首位）Thus, the conclusion made based on BronstonCollege's situation may not beeffective at Pierce University. It ismentioned in the argument that the PU and BC are all located in a small town,but it is at least likely that the transportation of the town where BC locatesis much poorer than that of PU. Maybe there is no motorway or railway passthrough BC, which makes it inconvenient for people to go to work outside of thetown. Thus, professors at BC are more likely to wish their spouses work at thesame town. Whereas this situation may does not exist at the town of PU where people will notfeel discomfortable to go to work outside of the town.(很好攻击具体化)

Even assuming that the thoughts of professors at PUare same as those of professors at BC, the chairperson cannot prove that it isthe only consideration that "which institution will offer my spouse ajob?" when the professors choose their research institutions.(表达不好，建议改成：the chairperson overlooks other potentialalternative, except for the employment of their spouses, when the professorschoose their research institutions.)For most of professors especially the most gifted ones, the researchcircumstance is what they most care about. For example, how much money theinstitution will fund for the research? Are the experimental apparatusup-to-date and enough? What about the academic level of the institution? Onlysatisfied with these facets, the professors would consider of job offer fortheir spouse.（呵呵，反问可以接受！）

The feasibility of the recommendation is notdisclosed in the argument. The chairperson fails to provide such evidence thatcan guarantee the Pierce University is able tooffer enough job positions for all the new professors' spouses. If so（应该not）, it will still be an overburden for the school.And what is worse, the university possibly has to reduce the research fund tofill up it. Furthermore, the job types the university can offer are also deficientto meet all the spouses' favor.
The side-effect of this recommendation is also needto be considered by the chairperson. If the university providers jobs for allthe new faculty members, the old faculty may feel unfair. Thus, it will notimprove the morale of entire staff, instead, even decrease the morale.（对剩下的ARGUMENT中非重点信息的攻击不错，建议合并）

In sum, the recommendation would be more convincingif the chairperson considers the differences between these two schools andother facts that will influence the professors' choices. Before any finalmeasures are made, the chairperson should also evaluate the feasibility andside-effect of the measures.

攻击顺序安排很合理，攻击也都落到实处，没什么好说的，不错！
看望战友！
我819机考，快啦，模考中……
给我今天习作可以提点意见吧？！
对了连接在备考日记里

静心养气

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