[未归类] ly8768的作文大贴~~8.20 [复制链接]

zhangjingyi29
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-8-20 12:30:09 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

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沙发

发表于 2009-8-21 11:02:12 |只看该作者

In our modern society, a new word “brainstorming” has come into our life in an incredible speed which is the same to its name. What’ more, an increasing number of people begin to use this method to solve their problems both in the work and lives. However, in my point of view, this kind of creative thinking is just one step in the whole process of finding best solution to a problem, and careful planning definitely runs through the whole course of it.

To begin with, no one can replace the role of planning for the simple reason that it ensures the plan which is made after a creative thinking efficient.（我建议段首句标明论点，简单明了最好，即carefully plan ensures creative thinking efficient.） As is known to all, when confronting a knotty problem, we will think in every single way to make ourselves out of trouble. But once realizing that there may be one best way to solve this problem, and then everyone will have a plan in his heart. Taking a business trade for example, a business man who initially comes into this commercial field wants to sell his goods to some big band communities, and he comes up with a good idea to let his commodity use in no charge in several shopping malls and then gradually gets into the view of famous companies. Looking into this illustration, the man really has a wonderful idea about his sale, but what will happen if he doesn’t have a careful plan? I think the answer is apparent because he can never succeed in any circumstances without planning carefully. 例子中那个businessman的plan是什么？没有体现出plan在businessman成功中的重要性，使后面的论述句无力。我觉得可以说businessman非常creative，设计了一个好产品，但为了让那个产品大卖，他又carefully plan了一番，即先在超市商店免费使用，然后又咋地咋地，所以就大卖了。然后接上你的论述就很好了。

What’s more, creative thinking often occurs in the process of planning, as a result, no one can deny the great importance of planning in solving problems. Once a chemical scientist who deeply researched the periodic table of elements suddenly got an idea of the structure of benzene with the imagination of a snake, and then his idea was proved by the experiment. This simple story tells us that creative thinking is a result of planning which makes us think this matter everyday. 把门捷列夫发现元素周期律和Kekulé梦见蛇发现苯环结构的例子混了。还是没有写出这个scientist的plan是什么。可以写，这个scientist在发现苯环结构的研究中做了很多工作，如果让一个普通人梦见一条咬着自己尾巴的蛇，也不可能有此成就。但这么一说仍跟plan无关，所以我觉得这个例子不大好。

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All in all, with the help of creative thinking, the world can be a better place for us living, while this can only happen when planning consciously or unconsciously in our heart. 7 Z3 ~# D9 b; ]+ h

表达是很不错的，用词、语法等基本功很到位。以下是建议：
1.感觉不是在平衡观点，而是全在写plan的好处，似乎你的前提是肯定了creative必不可少，但也应当至少用一段来论述，这样也可以使内容更充实。
2.开头还扣着解决问题，到了后来就没有针对解决问题了，结尾更是来了句套话。
3.举例的时候还要再注意一下。

如有不妥，欢迎探讨。

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